The events and ponderings in the life of Kelli O'Hea

Old Friends

2012-01-24T23:33:00.003-07:00

Being on the mission field, one of the hardest things about coming back is seeing just how much things (and people) change. There are certain people you knew before who are like strangers now, but then there are those people that you are pretty sure will be life-long friends. I've been blessed with getting to spend some amazing time with those types of friends over this furlough. I don't know if I've ever felt more loved or encouraged than I have in the past couple of weeks. I'm blown away at who God has brought and how He's shown me that yet again, I'm not alone. From touching base with people on my trips to Arizona and Tennessee to people still here in ABQ, there are some pretty awesome people that God has allowed to stay in my life for many years and I pray for many more to come.

Just today, I was able to begin my day with green chile, eggs, hash browns, cheese, and the Nuanes family. It was so awesome getting to see their hilarious and incredibly cute boys and just talk to people who have been some of my best friends for around ten years now. After that, I was able to spend time with my friend Phil, and he's just one amazing brother/friend and it's always great spending time with someone who has the same heart and ideas you do, and Philly has been one of those friends for a very long time for me. After Phil, I met with Rachel who I've known since she was in seventh grade. She has become such an amazing young woman of God and I'm so proud of her, she works so hard and loves Jesus with all her heart. Then tonight I had dinner with Kelly and Michelle Bransford and my brother Kyle. We laughed so hard and had some amazing food (like seriously, un-real good food). Knowing what God has done in Kelly and Michelle's lives and seeing them together along with seeing how God is using them now is just such a cool blessing, and they really are two of my favorite people.

All in all, I'm exhausted but blown away by the caliber of people God has allowed be in my life. And these people were just a brief snap-shot of the stellar individuals I am blessed to know. I truly do thank God for all of them!

Accents, friends, the Church, and New Mexican food

2012-01-20T23:28:00.003-07:00

Leaving California, I missed my flight and had to stay in Denver, I finally made it to Tennessee on Friday. My good friend Tiffany came and picked me up and we were able to spend some much needed time to just catch up. On Saturday, as she had to work I was able to have lunch with a friend who had served in Africa, and it was just cool to hear what all God was doing in his life. Then Tiffany and I made our way to Clarksville to stay the night with Kevin and Jenn and attend service at Awaken Church which is a church they planted about 2 1/2 years ago. To try and put into words what it was like to witness the work God was doing there would be impossible. There were tons of people there hungry for the Word and I'm so excited to see what God is going to do through the Church of Clarksville. After that, we had some lunch, passed about a foot over the Kentucky border and then had some legit New Mexican food and early Monday it was time to head back to Albuquerque. It was a great little trip and it was such a blessing to see everyone and to see and hear all that God's doing in them personally and with ministry.

Sufficient

2012-01-13T14:38:00.003-07:00

In Psalm 23, we read the famous verses of God being our Shepherd. As you study it you see how He is to be the one to lead, protect, and provide for His sheep, as well as give them rest. For a while now I’ve been going about life and ministry basically all wrong. I may have said that I was resting in, believing in, and waiting on God but really as I’ve now had more time to reflect on it, I really haven’t been doing that at all.

Over the past few days I’ve been in Murrieta, California for a youth workers conference, and I must say there are few things that are more refreshing then being surrounded by 350 people who share similar passion for ministry with you. I was able to share a room with a couple of really amazing women who truly had depth to their faith as we talked about theology and realize that I wasn’t a “nerd” for doing so (of course you may choose to differ with me on that). I was hearing about what God was using these fellow servants around the country to do to minister to youth and it really was a shot in the arm like I’ve never experienced before. And I also realized that I wasn’t the only one feeling like I’d been running on empty as grown men cried about how exhausted they were and how they didn’t feel like they were spending their time as wisely as they hoped – realizing I wasn’t alone in that was also a huge blessing. But more than that, it was the times of worship and teaching that God really just hit me.

The whole conference was based around our sufficiency we have in Christ. Over and over we were reminded that “without Him we can do NOTHING”. Something that hit me was at one point we were reminded to not sacrifice our joy and intimacy with Christ at the altar of ministry. Which is honestly, one trap I fall into more often then I want to admit. They emphasized how the most loving thing we could do for our students is not only TEACH them about Jesus but SHOW them Jesus – another thing I kind of let slip through the cracks as I would spend so much time studying to teach them and very little time being around my students living it out. And then there was the idea of abiding – I am called to abide in Him and the fruit that is talked about in the chapter in John about how He is the vine and we are the branches is not fruit in ministry necessarily but the fruit of the Spirit in my own life as well.

That brings me back to the original idea about the Shepherd and how He cares for His flock. The Vinedresser is there to ensure the most fruit possible can come from the branches and I need to yield to the ways He’s trying to do that. When Jesus was washing the disciples feet – He wasn’t just showing it as the example of how we are to be with others (although that is a huge part of it) but it’s also showing what He desires to do in our own lives. He is the only one who can pour into and serve me so that I can in turn do that to others. Nobody else can do that for me (and that includes myself). I have to stop… stop working in my own strength and wisdom, stop being so focused on the work that I neglect my relationship with Him, stop being so focused on the teachings that I fail to show my students how that looks practically. I need to quiet my soul before Him… and really just stop and allow Him to be literally the one in whom I live and move and have my being.

One is Not Enough

2012-01-12T15:14:00.001-07:00

In Tempe, they just launched their small groups which they call “One is Not Enough” based around the truth that God didn’t create us to be alone. We need one another so much in our walks to hold us accountable, encourage us, and just come along side us as we go through the life God has called us to. The team in Tempe and even other ministries I’ve been observing have awesome teams for their ministries and I really keep having that fact drilled into my head this furlough, that one really isn’t enough.

For a while now I’ve been flying solo in the youth ministry in Jinja. People have come and gone but basically I’m by myself. I don’t mind it for the most part, but the biggest thing is that I just keep thinking that if there were more people to work with the youth, how much more could be accomplished in discipling the students and reaching the 17 million students that I keep thinking about. I guess this is just basically a prayer request that God would raise up others to be a part of the work that He’s doing in Jinja and around Uganda who are passionate about pouring into the youth and seeing them draw closer to God and live lives wholly devoted to Him. And in the mean time, I just have to truly rest in Him with everything I have for the strength to be about the work He’s called me to and remember it’s His ministry and He loves those students even more than I do and He knows what needs to happen for them to grow as much as possible in their walks with Him.

Trip to Tempe

2012-01-12T14:52:00.009-07:00

Sometimes you forget how much you love and miss people until you see them again. That’s what happened with I visited the group from the Anthem in Tempe Arizona. Getting to visit people like Mat Pirolo who really is like a little brother to me and one of my dearest friends and see what God was using Him to do was unreal. I had forgotten how much I cherished our talks about what God was teaching us and just about life and just chilling out and watching movies.

Then getting to see others who had moved out there like Chris Patterson and his passion for the work was an awesome blessing. I also had the joy of staying with Jackie Garrett and getting to just spend that extended time with her and just talking about everything and getting to spend time with someone that I just cherish so much was amazing. Spending time with Nick and Shaena Crespo, the Schwartz boys, and lots of new friends too was just so cool as I was able to see this team be about an awesome new work. I pray for them as they continue in this venture that God would continue to stoke their passion, that He was open their eyes to the opportunities He would like for them to take as well as protect them and strengthen them against the Enemy who I know is not stoked about what is going on there. I really didn’t want to leave and am just so thankful for getting a glimpse at what God’s doing there and spending time with some pretty awesome people.

A wild and crazy ride

2012-01-02T18:18:00.002-07:00

I'm one of those people who has a sickness in that I can't stop moving, working, etc... I'm a perfectionist, workaholic, etc... and when you have those tendencies you definitely don't know what to do with yourself when the perpetual motion that is life stops or slows down. But right now I need to stop and at least explain some of what has happened these past couple of days.

Right now, I'm sitting in a hospital room with my dad sleeping after he had to be admitted due to some complications with his diabetes. Since July he was having severe memory and neurological problems and nobody seemed to know what was going on. They just seemed to try and throw random diagnoses and treatments at him and told him to basically wait and hope that they worked. It seemed like nobody really cared about getting him better. I had heard about all this from afar and finally when I came back last month I saw it for myself and I can tell you now that my heart hurts even more for those who have to care for their loved ones who suffer from MS, Alzheimers, Dementia, etc... because seeing my dad like that was awful! He would make no sense, fumble over words, stutter, stumble, you name it, he was not my dad anymore. My daddy is my hero, the strong one, the smartest guy I know, and seeing him in the state he's been in over the past month was surreal.

Yesterday morning I was having my quiet time and I overheard my dad trying to talk to my mom and he again wasn't making much sense and she insisted he check his blood sugars (He's had Type 1 diabetes since before I was born), his sugars were so high they wouldn't even register, after quite an ordeal of calling in some friends who are in the medical field and are familiar with Type 1 Diabetes, we were able to get his sugars down but still not enough and the decision was made to get him to the hospital. We got him here by around 1pm on New Years Day, and the people at Presbyterian Hospital did a great job at getting to work. They took test after test, and the on-call Endocrinology doctor we called in the morning came by and he got down to the nitty gritty. It was so awesome! By 5ish he was admitted and the tests continued. He kept improving as the evening progressed and when I left he was sleeping better than I've seen him in a long time.

This morning I came down to the hospital bright and early and my dad was a different person from how he had been the whole month before. It was so cool! Then after visiting him I went home to rally my brothers to get to work and do the laundry (our washing machine has been broken for a little over a month and we're getting a new one delivered soon but in the mean time we get to partake in the joys of Laundromats). After Kyle making breakfast and picking up coffee we stormed the place and snagged about 10 washers and then dryers and I'll tell you the visual of us there with our Starbucks and not really knowing what we were doing was pretty hilarious. Then going to the house we had a folding party and it was just way too funny having that whole experience.

And again, now I'm here with him relieving my mom so she can go to work. Getting to sit next to my dad and hear him make full intelligent conversation without stuttering or making up random things is pretty much the best thing in the world. The way that God has worked at the beginning of this year (and it's only been 2 days!) has been amazing and just an awesome testimony to how God's timing and ways are perfect and beyond what we could ever think of ourselves.

Processing

2012-01-01T18:13:00.003-07:00

Being that I've been in the States for a month, I've had the privilege to meet up with some really awesome people who have been such blessings to re-connect with or connect with for the first time. But I do have to admit that things have been pretty much non-stop since I landed here on December 6th and I haven't had a chance to think through and process a whole lot. I look at the last year and am in awe about God has stretched, changed, and taught me. The vision that God's given me to reach the youth of Uganda and make them His disciples is overwhelming yet exciting and I've kind of made Ephesians 3:20-21 my verse for the year ,"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen". I'm looking forward to what this year may hold as I look back at the challenges and trials of the past year looking at what God was maybe preparing me for for this year.

The best part about Christmas

2011-12-26T10:56:00.005-07:00

This is the whole reason why I came back for Christmas... getting to spend time with my family.

Some of the cousins went with our Grandma to the River of Lights.

The O'Hea cousins... they're all so HUGE but it's still like old times.

We decided to celebrate Christmas a day late since my brother had to work on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It was a great idea as we're all now just chilling out watching a movie.

My beast on "Christmas Eve"

On "Christmas morning"

Christmas goodness

2011-12-26T10:43:00.005-07:00

My new obsession is with a website called Pinterest. Over the past couple of days I had fun trying out new recipes from there and then some old defaults. Needless to say the gym is a must this next week.

Cheesecake strawberries... these were so yummy!!!!

I was a busy girl... Strawberries, gingerbread and sugar cookies, pumpkin pie (everything including the crust from scratch), and my mommy made fudge.

This was made with Grands biscuits, syrup. brown sugar, and pecans and we had it on our "Christmas Morning"

Culture Shock

2011-12-13T16:13:00.003-07:00

(This is for everyone in the past week who has told me they've appreciated the candidness of my posts)

Culture shock: the feeling of disorientation experienced by someone who is suddenly subjected to an unfamiliar culture, way of life, or set of attitudes.

Being out of the country for two years, I have grown accustomed to a new "normal". Now that I'm back, especially during this time of year, I'm experiencing a rather intense bout of culture shock. I'm finding that even though I've now been back just short of one week and jet lag is pretty much over, I'm becoming even more tired. I think it's just because I'm processing all of the different things going on around me, especially all the changes. Coming to a place that was my home for 22 years and it was the epitome of the Cheers song of everyone knowing my name, to now where everywhere I look there are strange faces who look at me the way I once looked at random visitors who were coming into my territory is such a surreal experience. Looking around I just see things that used to be so familiar and yet now have changed just enough to throw me off and it's almost like I'm in a perpetual state of a border-line panic attack. I love seeing everyone who I've missed but I guess I was just so busy before leaving I never got a chance to really prepare myself for how different things would be. I'm very grateful though for those who are around who have either been on the field before or people like my brother who have been with me and know what life is like in Uganda in some aspect and who know the people and the stories I'm talking about. I know that as time goes by the culture shock will lessen and I'll get used to life here in some ways and meet new people and rekindle old friendships, but until that happens I know I just have to take things one step at a time.

Made it!

2011-12-10T00:05:00.004-07:00

It's midnight on Saturday morning. I've now been in the States for about 50 hours and it's been such a crazy whirlwind! I arrived in Albuquerque to my family and it was just amazing to see them (grandma, grandpa, aunt, cousins, brothers, and of course parents) all and I just can't believe how much all the kids have grown! My brother Keelan is now well over 6 feet tall and I really feel like I'm a black key on a piano when I stand in between my two brothers now. It was very nice getting home without any real traveling problems - both of my bags came and all of my flights went off with out a hitch.

I encountered the fun of jet lag as the next morning as I slept in until noon. My mom and I then began to tackle the to-do list: renewing my expired license, making a target run, etc... Then we partook of heavenly green chile stew! Oh my goodness!!!! And by 7:30 I was ready for some more sleep.

Today I woke up at 6 and was able to barrel through the day despite an incredibly gnarly cold I'm having at the moment and I got my phone finally all set up! We also prepared for my first speaking engagement with the folks at the Life After Fifty Fellowship. That's honestly one of my favorite ministries to share with and they were so sweet to allow me to come and fill them in on some of what God is doing with the youth of Uganda. I didn't realize just how raw I was until I started crying talking about our girl Naaziwa who passed away earlier this year.

So needless to say, cold or not, it's go time. I hope to start getting to see people tomorrow as these past two days I've been spending it primarily with my parents and my brothers. I know these next two months are going to go by so fast, I just have to try and really "make the most of every opportunity".

Furlough: Traveling part 2

2011-12-10T00:05:00.001-07:00

Ok, so this post may be a little less of the deeper subject matter as the last one… As I am writing this, I’m sitting in the Washington DC airport. It’s 5:30 and already dark and pouring rain and I’m just praying that the plane won’t be delayed. I have just finished partaking in the main craving that I have in Uganda but can’t have… SUBWAY. I got off the plane here and passed by a Wendy’s and an Auntie Ann’s then a Dunkin Donuts and then as the angels sang… there it was: Subway. But even when I saw those other places I got a little veclempt because little by little it’s beginning to hit me that I’m back. Now I’m just going to have to be sure to start at a gym ASAP or I’m going to be in trouble… the “furlough fifteen” is just not something I want to encounter this time.

Furlough: Traveling part 1

2011-12-07T02:29:00.003-07:00

Currently I'm in Brussels Belgium partaking in a waffle and OJ waiting for my next flight and so I decided now was as good of time as any to post a blog:

To get anywhere from 8,000 miles away is a bit of an ordeal... and if you're going to be gone for 2 months well, you can up the stress factor quite a bit. Yesterday (or I think it was yesterday) was madness just trying to get stuff done, goodbyes said, and everything I needed to pack. Bev and I left Jinja at around 3 in the afternoon and got to Entebbe (the town where the airport is at) at about 6:15. We had some dinner and then it was time for me to check in. Gotta love the international flights where you have to check in 3 hours ahead of time. The ticket area was so loud and full of chaos but I made it through and I was very happy to discover that I was within my baggage allowance. I sat down to some good ol'e African Tea one last time and then headed to the gate.

Our plane was packed with quite a cornucopia of cultures - Ethiopia, US, Belgian, Ugandan, and the list goes on... It's really on this subject that I'm wanting to really focus on. People, cultures, this world... they all amaze me. I mean I was surrounded by muslim families and just really doing my own little anthropological observations of how they interacted with one another and those around them, the different people boarding the plane some were young twenty somethings others were older business people who still wore suits to travel internationally. I was able to sit next to a girl who slept most of the time but then in the last hour of our flight we started talking and it turns out she's also 25 with the PeaceCorps in Rwanda and has been disappointed by religion and fell away during college. It's in times like those with conversations with people who are great people with "good" hearts, and yet they're so lost. That's really what has hit me really heavily this morning that I was on a plane where a majority of those people did not know Christ. And my plane was just a microcosm of this world, there are more and more people growing up either not knowing Christ at all or being burned so much by "religion" that they use that as an excuse to run away from Him. Oh man, it just kills me as I'm thinking about that....

Anyway, be praying for that girl, and really all the "Lost" in your life. I have to go and check in now.

Get to Work

2011-12-04T03:16:00.002-07:00

Since May of 2010 our youth group has been making their way through a series called The Race to Revelation. We have covered all the books of the Bible in a survey fashion up until the past two months where when we hit Revelation we slowed down a little bit in order to look at it a little more closely. It's been a crazy year and a half and definitely a challenge to try and cover the "important" verses and lessons of each book in just an hour's time.

Last night we finished our series as we covered the last 2 chapters of Revelation. It still hasn't hit me that we're done and that when I come back from furlough we will be able to change things up a bit and study a book more intensely and in an even more applicable way. To finish off the series we had kind of an extended youth group as we began at 1 with some worship and studying chapter 21 and getting the kids to understand how much we should be looking forward to heaven and live for that instead of this world that will one day pass away. We also had a couple of sessions on how the students can share their faith. So the first session was on testimonies and teaching the kids what a testimony was and getting them thinking about what theirs is.

From there we did some games, each with a lesson attached. We began with a boys team and a girl's team and each team had to have two key people who had to transport the rest of their team to the goal and back in a minute and a half and whoever they didn't get back were to get hit by water balloons. This was to show that we need to get to work and help people know Christ before it's too late. Then we had all the kids sit down with their backs to us as we threw water balloons at them to teach of how we don't know "the day or the hour" (of course, it didn't take long for them all to get up and start trying to run away, but it was still fun). Then we had four students with blindfolds and four cups each. In one cup there was a marshmallow, the next had some cookies, the other had honey, and finally a jalapeno. They were to be listening to their friends about which cup to take from. This was to teach that we need to do our jobs to tell people about what's coming but it's also the other people's responsibility to listen to what you're saying. Finally we played spoons and that was to teach about what the rapture will be like and Jesus will come and snatch us up to be with him in the air.

We had our final evangelism session about how we witness with our lives, through our relationships, and how to do it with just anyone we meet on the street. And then our final teaching was Revelation 22 again just about how awesome heaven will be and we need to be sure that we go there by giving our lives to Christ.

It was really cool as I didn't really know how many people would come and by the end of the day we had around 70. It was a lot of fun and definitely humbling as God taught me a lot of lessons gearing up for the event (see previous post). God is good, and His word is faithful and true. These 70 kids hopefully now know the truth of what their future can hold, the question is, do you?

Organized Chaos

2011-12-04T01:23:00.002-07:00

I am a control freak.... there I said it and they say that acknowledging you have a problem is the first step to recovery, so here's hoping... Anyways, being that I do enjoy having things organized and under control, especially with big events, I make sure the i's are dotted and the t's are crossed, the schedules are color-coordinated, and everything little detail is covered and everything is communicated ad nauseam. But lately God has enjoyed making life a little more interesting as I embark on putting on the large-scale youth events. Last time He decided that I should loose my voice so I had to rely on others to help me, and then we had a big event yesterday and He thought I needed to learn that I still can't control everything.

The past couple of weeks, the power has been absolutely ridiculous! Technically it's supposed to be off every other night from 7pm to 7am, but that's apparently a mere suggestion as the power company here enjoys having our power off sometimes every night (like this week) and for longer than 12 hours. That's item number one that set things in a chaotic motion for this event. Then I'm also watching three of my friends kids (ages 15, 14, and 9).... that's fun in and of itself, but then the 9 yr old got Malaria.... another contributing factor to the chaos. Being that I was staying at their house and divided between there and the church with my time it was just like there was no real constant I felt very much like I had little or no control over really anything. And not to mention in the midst of all that I'm preparing to head to the States for two months in just a couple of days so that would make even a normal existence crazy. But praise God that He is in control even with the things that are impossible for me to control. The event happened and even though I knew all the hiccups beforehand, God made the event a success and so yet again He reminds me that He's got it and I need to trust in Him, not myself or my neurotic organization of things.

Sad day

2011-11-27T03:44:00.003-07:00

It's funny how attached you can get to an animal. Last July I was in a cast, two of my best friends left, and it was just not an easy time but in that time we got a new German Shepherd puppy, Kaabong. I loved him so much, he was the biggest bunch of fur out of the litter and was playful from the beginning and never really grew out of that. A year and a half later, as he continued to be my buddy and the one who if I was having a tough day feeling the "nobody likes me, everybody hates me" syndrom I would go and just hang out with him. Last night he was not 100% himself and was vomiting during the night. Even earlier this morning he was still hanging in there, but then during first service he passed away. It appears to be that he got into some rat poison and it acted so fast we didn't know what it was until it was too late. My family here tried to protect me from finding out until after the morning services because they knew how hard I would take it, but of course I found out and although I tried to hold it together I finally broke down. It's been one of those weeks anyway and I'm running on empty approaching furlough so this just came at a really tough time, and honestly it's in times like this that he was my default "go to" guy so that's what's really hard. I'm going to miss him so much!

These are pictures from when we first got him.

A long fuse

2011-11-25T04:08:00.002-07:00

The Irish are known for telling stories, enjoying their "beverages", and wearing their emotions (including anger) on their sleeve. I definitely have the first and third one down. The command to be "slow to anger" is definitely on my list of top ten most difficult commands in the Bible. I would have what most would say a, "short fuse" it doesn't really take a lot to get me annoyed or angry, I typically get over it just as fast but still watch out. Part of growing up is learning to not have such a quick temper because basically, people will hurt you, annoy you, and upset you... that's life and you might as well get used to it.

As I read the Bible, I'm amazed at what a long fuse God has. Many think that the way He is shown in the Old Testament especially is that He's a rather harsh and angry God. But this morning I was reading 2 Chronicles 33 and about how what an evil king Manasseh was, and you read in verse one, he was allowed to be king for 55 years! God has been known to strike people down for a whole lot less than what Manasseh did. But then you get to verse 10 and how God laid the smack down on him, and then verse 12 about how he truly humbled himself before God and repented of his ways. And in verse 13, we see how God forgave him. After he made it back to Judah, he removed all the evil he had put into place before and really showed how he repented in his heart and didn't just say "sorry" to get out of being punished. You can't help but think of how God knew that's what he was going to do, and that's why he didn't just strike him down early in his reign. God is so unbelievably patient with us, it amazes me! To think of all He puts up with as we choose to ignore His warnings and commands, fail to thank Him for the amazing ways He works in our lives, and how we may even choose to turn our backs on Him completely, and yet He still is willing to welcome us back to Him with open arms just like the dad with the prodigal son. God's mercy and grace amaze me pretty much on a daily basis, and how I get irate when someone speaks to me badly or cuts me off... Our God is so good and how He treated Manasseh definitely laid some gnarly conviction on my heart on how I should be dealing with situations.

This Weekend's Teachings

2011-11-20T03:19:00.002-07:00

From Friday to Sunday I end up teaching at least three separate times and it's amazing how each time God allows me to teach, He continues to lay on the lessons for me as well.

On Friday, we finished our study through Acts at Jinja SS. Studying Acts 27-28 and recognizing the truth of God's promise, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you" in how God was with Paul through the storm. In the storms of life, God is there, even when we don't see Him, when as it said in chapter 27, "all hope was lost". But God is there. That's a truth I constantly have to remind myself of. We are called to live by faith and not by sight, something we say so often yet very rarely put into practice.

On Saturday, the youth group made their way through chapters 17 and 18 in Revelation in our series Race to Revelation. God blew my mind as it had rained HARD right before youth group was to start and as I was sitting there with my worship team drinking tea and watching the rain praying for blue sky, I had no clue God would bring all of the student that He would. We had as many students last night as we do when we have a special event, it was really cool! As we studied those two chapters the emphasis was on the archetypal Biblical theme that God wants our complete devotion and us to depend on Him alone. We were challenged looking at our lives and what we spend our time and thoughts on to see what we really "worship" instead of the only One who truly deserves it.

Then today, with my students who I used to call kids but are now past that stage, we are in Leviticus 13:24-28 and Daniel chapter 3. We do Leviticus because my students are determined to make it verse by verse through the whole Bible (I promise it was their idea) and so we're trying to take it little by little through these more difficult to apply passages. Today's passage in Leviticus is about burns becoming infected and the lesson we will talk about is that the "uncleanness" came from something painful and for us in the same way, suffering may prove to be a temptation for sin to enter into our lives (gossip, bitterness, anger, etc...) but we have to look at what that suffering is there for and why God has allowed it. One thing I have tried to drill into my students heads is that WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE FOR SIN, God ALWAYS provides a way out (1 Corinth 10:13). With Daniel chapter 3, we will look at Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and how they refused to worship anything/anyone else other that the one true God. We will discuss what things we may feel tempted to do that are against God, the ways people may try to make us do those things, and the way we should stay strong and be faithful to God, no matter what the consequences may be.

I continue to be amazed that from Genesis to Revelation, God's Word is living and it's just so so cool to see students learn powerful biblical truths that can give them a strong foundation as they continue to grow and seek to live a life devoted to Him.

"A man plans his ways..."

2011-11-17T04:27:00.006-07:00

Ughh... one of the most obnoxious things is when you work and work on a project and then realize that basically you just wasted your time, that it won't work the way you hoped, and you have to start all over again. That's the story of my life when it comes to a lot of my plans for ministering to the youth here. I keep making plans, start making outlines of booklets, flyers, etc... and then I realize that the way I had set it all up won't work because of some reason or another (typically it's involving knowing their reading levels and time commitments).

Right now, the problem I'm facing is the desire to get my students into their Bibles. I've tried all sorts of ideas, and I do recognize that it's about them developing that hunger and not making it into something legalistic, but basically I'm just trying to give them as many tools as possible to make it as easy as possible so that they are without excuse for not delving into the riches that are in His word. I've tried to break books into bit-size chunks but then the goal-oriented girl that I am can't quite handle the idea of the book of Matthew taking 80 days for them to read. Ughhh.... I guess I just have to continue praying through it and recognizing that the important thing is not how fast they're going through it, but that they're in it at all and I need to try to encourage that as much as possible.

Use your words

2011-11-15T08:57:00.002-07:00

To give you a little insight in my handling of small children, when they're crying more often than not the phrase "Use your words" comes out (and it doesn't matter if they're 6 mos or 6 years, the expectation is still there - I know I'm hopeless). Words, vocal chords, the ability to communicate verbally is such an awesome gift. One you sometimes forget about until your ability is taken away. Lately, my body's favorite way of handling a cold is to loose my voice (I'm sure much to the entertainment and relief of those around me). But as I've said, I'm learning what a gift it is God has given us to communicate. But as it's been said "with great privilege, comes great responsibility". I mean, when you think about it, at the end of the day what did the words that came out of your mouth accomplish? Did you encourage someone or tear them down? Did you let words slip out that you would blush if you heard your child repeat them? Did you tell someone how great you thought someone else was or gossip about them?

One of the verses that I sometimes wish I could blot out in my Bible is Proverbs 10:19, "Where words are many, sin is not absent" just because of how much it convicts me sometimes. Throughout Proverbs and even the book of James you read verse after verse about your mouth and the effect it can have on those around you. Isn't it funny that we hate to be talked about behind our backs, yet when we do it about someone else, it's ok because you were just "sharing a concern you were having about another brother/sister"? That saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me", is so many levels of not true. Now, of course sticks, stones, sidewalks, and doctors have broken my bones... but that's another story, but truthfully the greatest pain I have felt is the sting of certain words as they penetrate my heart and what's worse is that I know words I've said have hurt others. Sometimes I can really understand why monks partake in vows of silence, can you imagine how much less damage control we'd have to do and I'm sure for most of us our sin tally for the day would go down drastically if we weren't allowed to speak? So I guess what I need to continue telling myself is "use your words", and use 'em well.

Special Announcement! Furlough Dates

2011-11-09T05:42:00.003-07:00

Well, the time has come for me to head back to the States for a couple of months. I will be there from December 7th through February 6th. It's funny the thoughts that go through your head as you prepare to go back to the life that you left years before. And it's also interesting to compare this time to when I went home for the first time two years ago. It seems like the longer you stay away, the more you become content with things here, the food, you know where to find certain things, and you really just get into the swing of life more and more. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely jonesing for some Dion's pizza (ABQ people know what I'm talking about), and legit green chile, but over all, I'm really not dreaming of much as I anticipate going back in less than a month. This furlough, the only thing I'm really thinking about is spending time with my family. Two years is definitely a really long time to be away when you have a family as awesome mine. Other than that though, I don't really have many big plans except spending a couple of days in Arizona, So Cal, and Tennessee visiting friends and attending a youth worker's conference. My only real "agenda" is drinking LOTS of coffee and getting to share what God's doing here in Uganda both in me and through me. Two months may seem like a long time, but I know it will be over before I know it, I just pray I make the most of it.

A Ugandan Fish Story

2011-10-24T12:44:00.004-06:00

So I love to fish. My family loves to fish and my grandpa, uncles, dad, and brothers are all avid fishermen and even my aunt and mom can hold their own with a fishing pole. Being that I'm a rather impatient person, fishing wouldn't seem to be my thing, but I love it! Of course I prefer fly fishing... and part of that's because I can keep moving, but I love fishing no matter what. I have been wanting, yearning, desiring with all my heart to fish here in Uganda but never have been able to because of lack of gear, knowledge of where to go, and people to go with. Well, that dilema which had been plaguing my existence for the past 3 years was finally resolved this evening.

This past Sunday some friends of mine told me they had taken up fishing and I all but begged them (well, come to think about it I kind of did) to let me come with them the next time they went. Today I got home from Kampala and got the call ten minutes later that they were going. So I got my new little pole that I had bought just today and set out to meet them. Four of my friends and I went down to the bank of the NIle - I only almost fell a couple of times - and pulled out the bag of worms and got to work.

Now, the pole I bought was rather cheap and may or may not have been meant for children and it proved it with its reel. It was very sad, and by the end of the evening I was using the "traditional" method of bank fishing here of just throwing out your line and using your hands to feel if you caught something and just pull it in. I was dirty and smelly with worm guts on my hands and I really didn't mind one bit. As we were fishing, the sun was setting over the Nile and the fire flies were coming out and it was really such an awesome unexpected adventure.

And now the important question, must be answered.... "Did you catch anything?" - I can proudly say yes... yes I did catch something and no it wasn't a rock or sea weed. I could tell you it was a 5 foot long Nile Perch, but I'm not ashamed to show off my first catch here in Uganda...

And yes, I know you're most likely laughing right now, but hey, in an hour or so of fishing and without any special gear, I'm ok with this guy. (And for those of you asking, yes I did put him back. And yes, I also was laughing very hard when I brought him in).

It was awesome to be out there again with the sun and the water and just having fun with friends. We're going to try and do it again next Monday and this time for the whole day, it should be fun to see what other stories are to come from my newest favorite past time here in Uganda.

Cha...cha...cha...changes

2011-10-20T07:34:00.002-06:00

Today I'm studying Acts 20 to teach at Jinja SS tomorrow night. It's mainly about Paul saying goodbye to the Ephesians knowing he won't see many of them ever again. Listening to a podcast on the chapter, it was all about goodbyes. God amazes me sometimes because I'm at the onset of another goodbye and with this goodbye will come change as I learn to grow up a little bit more and continue finding my place in life here. I've never liked change, but I know it's necessary. Without change, there's no growth. If we never allowed changes to happen in our lives then we'd never get to experience all that God made us to do. Life is full of changes, some are small and seemingly insignificant, others are huge and life changing and God is in control of them all. Goodbyes are tough, especially when it's someone you've grown so accustomed to being such a large part of your life and all you really know is how to do things with that person as a part of the life you live. But God has His calling for each one of us, and like snowflakes no calling is exactly the same. We need to not allow the fear of change or the pain of goodbye to keep us or others from being a part of the work God has called us to. It's about trusting God not only for the path He has for you but for the path He has for others and truly "let go and let God" and rejoice in the tapestry His is making with the different personalities and changes He brings our way.

My Hope

2011-10-17T00:28:00.002-06:00

Music is a crazy thing. I may be rhythmically and vocally challenged but music is still hugely important in my life and very often comes to define certain chapters. When I was a sophomore in high school it was a David Crowder concert that brought me to my knees and basically defined the beginning of me truly walking with God. This morning, as I had finished my quiet time, the song that came on immediately after I said "amen" was My Hope by my old friend Dave. It was crazy because the words to the song were pretty much exactly what I had just finished praying, and were in line with the two of the psalms I read this morning. It was so cool, and again a definite reminder that He hears us when we call.

Here I am again
In this raging sea
On my knees again
Deep calls to deep
I feel I'm drowning
My arms are
Just too tired to swim
I feel like I'm sinking
On my knees again
In the roar of Your waterfall
In the storm of You
May You find me holding on
May You find me true

Chorus:
And I put my hope
And I put my trust
And I put myself in You
In You, Lord [2x]

Here I am again
In need of you
Broken, Beaten
Needing You
In the roar of Your waterfall
In the wonderful storm of You
May You find me holding on
May You find me true

(Chorus)

Bridge:
Wash me clean
Set me free
Hold me close
And cover me

Baseball, locusts, and sharing your faith

2011-10-16T02:13:00.003-06:00

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but when there's no camera around a memory sometimes is even better. Last night at youth group, we had a really cool time and I wished I had a camera to capture some of it, but that didn't happen and honestly I'm kind of glad because now it's captured in a memory. The afternoon started when I was getting everything set up for youth group. These days, I'm flying solo with the youth group as life happens and those who had been helping are no longer around but God has given me a couple of amazing students who step up in the times I need them the most. When you ask me about what I feel blessed by, one of the things is service... just helping when I need help without needing to be asked, that's what these boys do. I was all set to do my usual stuff, and one of my guys just jumped in and did it for me, it was so sweet and a total testimony about the kind of guys they are. It didn't matter how tired I was, that alone was God giving me the shot in the arm to have the strength for the rest of the evening.

As the students started coming I had gotten out an old nerf baseball bat and a softball and asked if the kids wanted to try it out. It was so much fun because I was the one teaching them how to play.... it was hilarious because I'm not much of a baseball player myself and we all were laughing and screaming. I quickly decided that the softball hurt way too much so we switched to using a hacky sack... much better on the hands (and shins). It was a blast and a sweet time of fellowship before the Bible study started.

For the teaching, we were in Revelation 8 and 9 and if you want to read some crazy chapters in the Bible, those are some good ones. We learned about how God warns us about what is coming and the suffering and how now is our chance to get a clue basically and come to HIm and if we have already, we need to get to work sharing Him with those around us so they don't have to go through that time. It's a sobering thing realizing that as bad as the final 3 1/2 years are of the tribulation... eternity in hell is even more intense. It was a heavy message for students who ranged from 10-17, but they got it.

After the teaching, we spent time discussing how to share our faith and just some of the questions they had about what people have asked them. These kids deal with some intense questions and opposition, but the coolest thing was that when I asked "who has shared the Gospel with someone before?" I would say around twenty kids raised their hands. These kids who are so young yet passionate about the things of God. That's one of the reasons why I love youth, because even when adults put so much stock in rejection and what people might say/do to them these youth are fearless.

I love my students. I love their excitement. I love their care-free attitudes and I love seeing what God is doing in their lives and how He's continuing to shape them into students who love Him with all their hearts, soul, mind, and strength.

Ma Girlz

2011-10-13T23:41:00.003-06:00

In Uganda, it's very common for students to be in boarding school especially once they reach secondary (high) school. I have a couple of girls who I have seen God do awesome stuff in over the past three years and this past year they had to go into boarding school which meant I wouldn't get to hang out with them and pour into them as much as I used to. Their school is very strict and doesn't allow outsiders to come in and teach Bible studies so I can't even see them in that capacity, but we were able to find a way for me to get to hang out with them by me coming on Thursdays for an hour after school before they go to dinner and just casually hanging out with them. I love my time with these girls! I get caught up on all the happenings in the lives of 12, 15, and 17 year old girls. We spend the hour laughing and also talking about deeper things other than just how scandelously some of the girls dress. Usually for the last half we discuss what they're reading and what God's teaching them.

I love these girls! Achiro and Peace, the two on the left are seriously the most amazing girls who have yet to conform to the pressures of the world and I pray all the time that they will continue to not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of their minds. Achiro has shown awesome leadership and passion for the things of God and is so disciplined in putting God first even though this year is the hardest year of school as she's in S4 and is about to take one of the most important tests for students here in Uganda. Pray for these girls that they would be different from the others around them. That they wouldn't cave to the peer pressure, that they would remain pure, and that they would remain passionate about their walks with God.

A glimpse of domesticity

2011-10-11T01:19:00.003-06:00

I don't cook a lot... it's not that I don't like to, it's just that well... it takes patience and I don't really have much of that but every now and then I try my hand at it. I really do like to cook as there's a sense of achievement when you make something that others can enjoy. Yesterday, I felt rather proud of my domestic abilities as I finally achieved something I'd been wanting to do for quite some time: I made bagels. And not just bagels, but BAGELS (which we don't really have much of here). They were chewy and beautiful, a little small, but glorious none the less. I can only imagine how entertaining my running commentary on the whole escapade.

Perfectionism

2011-10-11T00:38:00.002-06:00

Noun: "Refusal to accept any standard short of perfection"

In a human sense being a perfectionist has a lot to do with pride: getting straight A's, being a teacher's pet, receiving all awards and pats of the back. And When you don't receive those or live up to your perception of perfection, well... let's just say it's bad juju. Just yesterday I was cooking and realized it's a dangerous hobby for me to pursue because it definitely infringes upon my perfectionism as I try to learn new things and typically fail in some sort of aspet. Most of the time what I make tastes good but the appearance of it is another story. The problem that also comes with being a perfectionist is that you tend to impose your expectations of perfection not only on yourself but on others as well and that's just simply setting yourself up for trouble.

Well, I'm that kind of perfectionist... the bad kind, the proud kind. God, on the other hand is the good kind of perfectionist. He may accept failure in some ways in His kids but He still works in them in order to achieve his perfect perfection. Jesus even called us to "be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect". God is perfectly good, perfectly loving, perfectly merciful, perfectly holy and that's the perfection I should strive for. In our sinful selves this perfection is impossible, and it's in times of struggle and trial you see just how much you fall short in this call. It's easy to think that you're doing "alright" when life is good and even take pride in just how "good" you're doing, but when you're wrung out like a sponge and you see what comes out, you see that you are far from that perfection that you thought you were getting closer to. That's when we can rejoice in promises like Philippians 1:6, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. " I love how even though God is a perfectionist in His perfect way, He doesn't give up when we fail to be perfect but He perseveres until His goal is complete as His Spirit works in us to remove what's not of Him to conform us more and more to His image. I swallow my pride as I admit that I'm far from perfect in any sense of the word, but I rejoice in that I serve a perfect God and one day I will be able to stand before Him with His work in me complete and the trials and fires that brought about His perfection in me will be more than worth it.

Help!

2011-10-06T12:52:00.003-06:00

Helpless (that I can't do anything in myself to fix what's happening around me).... emptied (of everything that is of me) ....broken (not just a scratch or crack but shattered of my self)....weary (without any of my strength left.... those four words pretty much sum of how I'm feeling right now.

On that happy note let me say that one of THE biggest struggles of being on the mission field is being away from your family when they're going through tough times and for the past couple of months my family has had to deal with a lot (well, actually the past year.... but the past couple of months have been crazy). I'm having to come to the end of myself and realize that what I am forced to do here is really the only good thing I can be doing to help my family no matter where I'm at and that thing is pray. Pray to the one who's the Great Physician knowing He knows exactly what's wrong and if He wants to, can heal in the blink of the eye. I can't run tests, give diagnoses, or treatments, but I can pray and I can trust that He knows what He's doing.

My family facing their own struggles is just part of what God is using in my life to bring me to my knees right now, there are several other things happening but again, I'm not writing this to provoke sympathy or any real response, I'm writing this to in my own small way encourage those who may be hurting and can identify with those words that define life right now. It seems as of late that I've frequently reached bottom, on a fairly consistent basis I find myself literally crying out to God asking Him for strength, asking Him to heal, and just "casting all my burdens unto Him" 1 Peter 5:7. And it's in the midst of those rock bottom times when He shows time and time again that "if we are faithless, He will remain faithful" 2 Timothy 2:13. I know it may sound somewhat like your typical answer but what God used David and the other writers of the Psalms to do was just yet another thing that shows He is, "The Father of compassion and the God of all comfort," 2 Corinthians 1:3b. As I begged Him to speak to me through His Word, He really blew me away with meeting me where I was at in just my normal reading through Psalms. One time it was Psalm 31 and He reiterated His goodness and how I need to trust and wait on Him. And then today He spoke so clearly yet again in the classic Psalm 51 and it was verse 17 that hit me the hardest, "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Let me tell you, reading that when you're really broken gets your attention. People say that God, Jesus, religion is a crutch... I'd say "AMEN!" to that because He is that and so so much more. If I didn't have Him in my life, I don't even want to think about what would be happening. I can see how so many hurting people turn to drugs, alcohol, and relationships to try and ease the pain and make sense of things because they don't know they have a God, Father, Savior, Friend who cares infinitely more for them than anyone ever will. I praise Him for how in the midst of the tears, He is there, in the midst of the confusion, He is there, in the midst of the pain, He is there. And it all is a part of His ultimate purpose to conform me into the perfection He calls me to.

I'll just end this with kind of the reverse of my opening paragraph. Yes, I'm feeling helpless, but HE knows what He's doing and is God Almighty. Yes, I'm feeling emptied, but He's bringing me to that point to fill me with Him. Yes, I'm feeling broken, but He's there to put me back together and this time without my nasty, gnarly disgusting flesh that keeps me from knowing Him the way He wants me to. And yes, I'm weary, but He calls me to come to Him and He will give me rest.

Bottom line... it's about HIM, not about me. It's about His glory, His perfection, His plan, His timing. Not mine. Days like today definitely leave scars, but they're the good kind, the kind that remind you of your desperate need for Him and how He so faithfully, tenderly, and powerfully heard my cries for help and reached down to pull me to Him.

We are family...

2011-09-25T23:00:00.002-06:00

Throughout Scripture you find that in Christ, He sees us all the same. It doesn't matter our skin color, language, nationality, tribe, etc... We are all one in Him and last night was a beautiful example of that. As we were coming home at around 9 last night I got a phone call from Bev that Princess (a little girl adopted by Julie who is the mom of Nazziwa who passed away March 1) was possibly dying. We reached the hospital and there sitting in the waiting area were Jess and Mama Awi (her and her husband, Martin, are our staff members). It turns out that Princess had a terrible fever during the day and then last night she began convulsing and went unconscious. Because of what we went through with Nazziwa everyone panicked not wanting to experience the pain of loosing yet another one of our kids. Princess regained consciousness and it turns out she had Malaria so they started her on an IV to treat her. While Jess, Bev, and I went back home to get the stuff needed for Julie to stay the night there with Princess (the hospitals here don't have anything other than a bed really) we found out that Benji, Julie's son, who had also had a fever during the day had just thrown up so we decided to take him to the hospital as well. So Jess, Martin, and I headed back to the hospital with Benji in tow and it turns out he's been exposed to Typhoid. What a night huh?

Well, the title of this post mentions family, and in the midst of trials you really do get to see the body of Christ in the most beautiful way. Seeing Mama Awi there so worried about Princess and had held her in the car on the way to the hospital because Julie was so distraught; seeing one of our school of ministry students holding Princess and rushing her to get her blood tested and princess clinging to his shirt; sitting there in the quiet with Jess, Ryan, and Mama Awi as we all prayed for God's hand on the situation; coming back and having a couple more school of ministry guys being so concerned that their usual smiles were lost in a face full of worry; and one of my all time favorite memories is looking in the back seat of the car where Martin had taken Benji in his arms and was trying to comfort him in his sickness. Let me tell you... Ugandan men are not known for their compassion and the tenderness Martin was showing to Benji was one of the sweetest things I think I've seen (but of course Martin's not your run of the mill guy either, he's amazing). And then there's the beauty in the midst of the situation of sitting in the hospital room with Princess on the IV and her fever breaking, Julie sitting next to her, Benji laying on the other bed with Mama Awi tenderly caring for him, and then Martin, Jess, and I there making jokes and just talking about life with everyone there. I was honestly so blessed by remembering what an awesome thing it is to be a part of a family, and not just my immediate family, but in Christ how we have a very large extended family. I thank God for how He unites us in love for one another, I thank Him for answering prayer and healing these kids, and I thank Him for how in the midst of trials He opens our eyes to how He's still there and in control.

Here we go again

2011-09-21T04:56:00.002-06:00

Chicken pox.... that lovely little disease that most of us got when we were small. It was miserable and itchy and you had your dad threatening to play connect the dots with them (or at least mine did). But the beautiful thing about Chicken Pox is that typically if you got a really good dose of it you could rest assured you wouldn't get it again. Well, when we go through difficult seasons in life we tend to develop the same mindset (or at least I do). I think, "Wow! that was painful and yet God did a lot through it, but I'm happy it's over and I won't have to go through that again." And yet again that is another time when God seems to go, "Awww... Kelli, that's cute you think that, but I'm not done with you yet and therefore you need to go through the fire yet again." In Scripture we read about Jesus saying how God prunes us to bring about growth, and the thing is that you don't just prune a plant once and then you never have to do it again, it's a thing that has to happen again and again to maintain the health of the plant.

About a year ago I would say I went through the most difficult season of my life between being broken both spiritually and physically and having to deal with loosing some of those I'm closest to. Right now, I feel like I'm embarking on another season that has similar traits to what God got me through last year. Right now, I'm basically (sometimes literally) crying out, "God, please! Not that again! I can't hurt like that again!" I feel like I'm on the beginning of a class 5 rapid, and basically when you're about to do that you either paddle or if it gets too rough you get down and hold on for dear life. Already any strength I have of myself is gone so "paddling" isn't exactly an option, but "getting down" is. One thing that God has already brought about in preparing me for this season is teaching me just what a vital thing prayer is. We so quickly turn to so many other sources to talk/complain about our problems, but very rarely do we lift everything to him in prayer. He continues to remind me of the fact that He's with me as I'm alone crying out to Him, He continues to remind me that He's still on the throne, and He continues to remind me that "His ways are not my ways".

I praise Him for His faithfulness to meet me in my times with Him. That He cries out to me through His word, and a lot of the time it's with things I've tried to avoid admitting to myself but have no choice when it's so clear what He's calling me to do. Sometimes I'm so afraid of what this season might bring. It's been said that sometimes God calms the storms for his saints, and sometimes he calms his saints for the storm. I pray He just continues to equip me to take on the storms of these next couple of months and as Peter trusted God to the point that he was sleeping the night he was due to be executed that I would have that "peace that surpasses all understanding". I guess all that's left to say is, "Ready or not, here we go again".

24 hours of new growth

2011-09-16T11:33:00.003-06:00

In the past 24 hours I have seen some really sweet new growth with the students and ministries God has allowed me to be a part of. As I had mentioned before I've been feeling an overwhelming burden for the youth of this country and praying about how God would have me meet that need. I prayed that God would have the opportunities basically fall into my lap because I didn't want to pursue anything that would distract me from what He has planned for me right now. Today was one of those answers to prayer.

For over a year now I've been teaching at Jinja SS on Tuesdays and Fridays after school. I've had my group of guys (and lately two girls) and have been rather content with that. Jinja SS has been where several leaders have attended in the past including judges, national officials, and even the President of Rwanda. Going after school to a school that is one of the largest in East Africa, I kind of flew under the radar as far as the official stuff was concerned because the group wasn't big enough and it wasn't taking any school property except for a little plot of grass by the bike rack. I've definitely wanted to get the official approval, but honestly always felt scared (which I know I shouldn't have), that ministry has become one of my favorites and I didn't want to jeopardize it (which I also know I shouldn't have been afraid of because if it was from God it would work out). Today, however, all that changed. As I was about to meet my usual group, I hear one of our guys from our church call my name. He had finished his senior year and needed to pick up some papers from the office. He said that he wanted me to come meet the Head Mistress... I'm serious it was a total "GULP!" moment and my poor little heart started racing and I shot up a Nehemiah prayer. I went into her office knowing that this unexpected meeting could change everything. But as with most things we fear they are never quite what we had chalked them up to be. She was totally cool with our Bible study and completely supportive of even me coming on Monday to announce it to the student body. (They have to have two assemblies one in the morning for the older students and one in the afternoon for the younger ones because there are so many students there). I was ecstatic! I finally had the go head that I had been waiting for for over a year. I felt such freedom in knowing that the very top had given us the green light to study the Bible verse by verse without the oversight of the Scripture Union (the schools formal Bible club that's not very sound doctrinally). We shall see what transpires after the invitation goes out to the entire student body on Monday... if it remains my solid handful of guys or if God's desiring to grow this ministry in a place that has a chance to reach Uganda in a very big way.

Another sweet glimmer of growth happened last night as I visited my girls who are in boarding at a school here in Jinja. For an hour yesterday evening I was able to just sit and talk and laugh with my girls mixing current events and the latest news around campus with various Biblical lessons such as deception, gossip, and modesty. As I was talking to them, I learned that the oldest of the girls has continued to take leadership and teach the girls a Bible study on Sundays because the Scripture Union (as mentioned about Jinja SS) is not necessarily chuck full of solid biblical teaching. To hear that this girl who has been faithful in giving time daily to God's Word was now actively seeking to make disciples was pretty much the coolest thing in the world to me... disciples making disciples.

I could go on about other stories and things God's opened my eyes to, but these were the stories that sent be above and beyond cloud nine. I praise God for the opportunities and the growth He's bringing. I praise Him for the new students who He's planning on reaching and for the ones who've been faithful for years. He is building HIS church, and yet again I'm just humbled to be one of His many small tools in order to do so.

Eternal Power

2011-09-14T07:06:00.002-06:00

This was written by Isaac Watts way back in the day. After reading it, I decided it was too beautiful not to share.

Eternal Power, whose high abode
Becomes the grandeur of a God
Infinite lengths beyond the bounds
Where stars resolve their little rounds!
The lowest step around Thy seat,
Rises too high for Gabriel's feet;
In vain the favored angel tries
To reach Thine height with wond'ring eyes.
There while the first archangel sings,
He hides his face behind his wings,
And ranks of shining thrones around
Fall worshipping, and spread the ground.
Lord, what shall earth and ashes do?
We would adore our Maker, too;
From sin and sut to Thee we cry,
The Great, the Holy, and the High.
Earth from afar has heard Thy fame,
And worms have learned to lisp Thy Name;
But, O! the glories of Thy mind
Leave all our soaring thoughts behind.
God is in Heaven, and men below;
Be short our tunes, our words be few;
A solemn reverence checks our songs,
And praise sits silent on our tongues.

Just a wee bit overhwelmed

2011-09-10T12:44:00.002-06:00

Coming to Uganda you are warned not to be overwhelmed by the need that you see around you. You see orphans, starvation, poverty, etc... all around you and if you're not careful you can loose sight of the very reason God has called you here in the first place. You see the massive amounts of need and all you want to do is help in whatever ways you think you can (even though really it's impossible). Well, after getting back from the youth tour, I felt (and continue to feel) and overwhelming burden to continue to reach the youth of this country. Because truthfully the only thing that will "fix" this country or any country for that matter is for the people to truly and passionately know Jesus and I've seen more and more how important it is to get them while they're younger.

Youth ministry and I have a love/hate relationship. I struggle with it sometimes because of the drama associated with it brought on by hormones and just students discovering who they are while having to deal with a whole lot of baggage. But all in all, I really don't think there's anything sweeter than watching students develop their own personal walks with Christ and I can echo John when he said "I have no greater joy than to hear my children are walking in the truth" (3 John 4). Our youth group here is awesome, not because of the organization but because of the students who comprise it. Tonight I was able to continue to see new growth in their lives and true pursuit for the things of Him and not the things of this world. The funny thing is that I started out discouraged because not a lot of students came because of school, but by the end of the night I was nearly ecstatic as I was able to be reminded that "success" in ministry isn't just a numbers game.

All that to be said, I see what God is able to do in the lives of youth. I see what God can do through them as their faith and lives are contagious to those around them. I also see just how much false teaching is around that is leading many students into a lifetime of unbiblical relationships with Jesus (if you can even call it a relationship). It hurts to think that millions of youth in this country are going through life without the true knowledge of God's love for them but also His call for them to be holy and how they are to live for Him. I can't help but see the need for real discipleship of the youth of this country and I wish with everything in me that I could meet that need. I know I can't do it by myself but I am curious to see how God will open doors for me to continue to at least play some small role in His plan for these youth.

I guess the purpose of this blog is just to ask for prayer. Prayer for the youth of this country. Prayer for more laborers. Prayer for wisdom about what new opportunities to pursue. And prayer for making the most of the opportunities that are before me right now.

Oh death...

2011-09-08T01:23:00.002-06:00

It's always interesting what God seems to put in your path. Lately it's been the idea of death... I know it's morbid (and I also know I've posted another blog about the same subject). Lately it seems like in almost every podcast, every book, and even in real life death is the prevailing theme. Two days ago the brothers of one of our elders passed away leaving three children behind. It got me thinking yet again about the brevity of life. Then in a book I'm reading the last chapter is all about death. In that book Spurgeon gives some sweet perspective on the one guarantee we have in this life. One of the biggest things that hit me is what he wrote about Wesley,

"Let us imitate Mr. Wesley's calm anticipation of his end. A lady once asked Mr. Wesley 'Suppose that you knew you were to die at twelve o'clock tomorrow night, how would you spend the intervening time?' 'How, madam?' he replied, 'why just as i intend to spend it now. I should preach this evening at Gloucester, and again at five tomorrow morning; after that I should ride to Tewkesbury, preach in the afternoon, and meet the society in the evening. I should then repair to friend Martin's house, who expects to entertain me; converse and pray with the family as usual retire to my room at ten o'clock; commend myself to my heavenly Father, lie down to rest, and wake up in glory' Live in such a way that any day would make a suitable topstone for life. Live so that you need not change your mode of living, even if your sudden departure were immediately predicted to you."

Sometime we have an idea when we're going to leave this life, like when the doctor gives you that prognosis that you have two to three months left. But most of the time we're not that lucky. If you were to die today, what would you have left that you wished you could have done? Things like making amends with a family member who you haven't spoken to in years, witnessing to someone that's been on your heart for a while, etc... All of which are things that we should take advantage of while we have the chance because one day either you or that other person won't have tomorrow.

A whirlwind of a youth tour

2011-09-04T06:51:00.005-06:00

After completing our two closest outreaches to Lumuli and Iguluibi, as well as having our Jinja youth conference and my voice being shot. I had to cancel our last close outreach because of my voice, but that gave me a chance to get ready for the biggest undertaking of them all... traveling hundreds of miles to host four conferences in a span of four days.

Bright and early Tuesday morning Ryan, two of our youth group boys Otim and Isaac, and Jen and Makenna Long packed up and headed to our first conference in a village near Pallisa which was about three hours away. We drove past some beautifully rocky landscape and reached the church where about 50ish students had gathered for our conference. My voice was still on the mend and Ryan taught the first couple of teachings for me. We rocked some question time, did the second teaching, more questions, lunch, the third session which laid out the Gospel message and then we headed out and pulled into Soroti at around 6ish. We settled into our hotel had some dinner and gave our boys a taste of "muzungu food" with spaghetti and then it was time for bed. (On an added note, I got a call today from our pastor there and he informed us that 15 people gave their lives to Christ this morning and a bulk of them were youth from the conference so that was really cool).

On Wednesday we headed out for the village of Ogongora by 8ish and got there a little late but made it none the less after some fun driving. Again the students were there waiting, this time it was over 100. It was a cool group and the pastor there is really legit and so it was neat time of getting to hang out with the students and going about pretty much the same program as the day before. By 3 we pulled out and decided to make the trek to Pajule. Originally I just was going to drive on the highway to Lira since the road from Lira to Pajule was not so great but as I turned out I drove the whole way and I won't lie my poor little blood pressure went up about 100 points a couple of times as I had to straddle rather large ruts in the road, but we made it just as the sun was beginning to set. It was awesome because in Pajule we were able to reunite with JB and his whole family of Grace and all the kids including Kenny and little Bev. After dinner we headed to the guest house for our special accommodations :) and were asleep before 9.

Thursday morning started with coffee and Rolexes at JBs and we got the conference under way at around 9 where we had about 150 students. It was definitely very interesting shifting to another language area and dealing with changes in programs but it worked out and again the students got to hear the Gospel. When it was all said and done we left at 5 and were absolutely exhausted. We took showers, had an amazing dinner and sweet fellowship with the Too-Lits and then time for bed.

Friday was a day for goodbyes as we left at 7 bringing JB's oldest daughter with us since she goes to school in Jinja. It's also when we had to part ways with Ryan as he went to go to Kitgum for the next three weeks. After we left Ryan, I drove on the worst road I've ever driven on when we were traveling from Pajule to Gulu as we fishtailed our way through some very muddy terrain I was very thankful for 1) God's protection and 2) His allowing 4 wheel drive to be invented. We also passed over a rushing river that was basically touching the bottom of a not so sound bridge. We reached Gulu at 10 for our final conference. It was definitely different as the students were from several different churches and older than we had worked with at the other conferences. After the third teaching we were ready to head out and settle in to our guest house. We partook of of the glories of the Coffee Hut and then a huge down pour hit and we were soaked to the bone and Peace, the boys, and I (and later Jen) watched a movie in my room. That was quite possibly one of my highlights of the trip for me just getting to hang out with them as they really are awesome students! After Peace and I tried to calm down and get to bed, it was lights out.

By 4:30 Saturday morning we were having our rather glamorous breakfast of bananas (although I didn't have one), coffee, and donuts that we had bought the day before. We piled into the car and by 5:15 we were on the road. This again was a drive that may have taken a year or two off of my life, but it was a learning experience as I dealt with oncoming trucks coming at me in the dark with their brights on (one guy only had one light and had looked like a motorcycle from a distance and then it turned out it was a semi truck :) ). At one point there were seriously like 20 trucks stuck in an array of situations in a 100 yard distance where we had to weave in and out of them like an obstacle course and by day light we came across the scene of a terrible crash where at least 4 people got killed as a bus and a rock truck had impact, it was really sad, and definitely a reminder about the roads here. Finally by 10 we were in the outskirts of Kampala (Kampala traffic was another driving first for me) and by 12:30 we were home.

Over all, it was an awesome trip. With the ministry, I'm resting on the fact that "God's Word doesn't return void" and that throughout the whole trip God's hand was so clearly evident. The weather was perfect when it needed to be, we never had vehicle problems, and we all got along really well. I definitely learned a whole whole lot from this trip and I look forward to what God has planned next to reach out even more to the youth of Uganda.

Three Years

2011-08-28T22:15:00.002-06:00

Three years ago today I got off an airplane in Uganda after leaving the place that had been my home for the past 22 years. As many of you have heard me say, I basically came kicking and screaming when I moved here. I wanted MY plans to happen and Africa was not a part of those, especially at that time of my life. I had had a good job, a great group of friends, enjoyed the ministry I was doing, and the best family in the world. But as I said, MY plans were about me staying in ABQ, possibly getting my MBA and becoming a consultant and let’s be honest…making quite a bit of money. HIS plans however were about me moving to where I had no “plan” other than working with the youth in some capacity and going to the School of Ministry here. The first five months I was here I had the heart of Jonah basically beng bitter with God for giving me this calling. Then as the School of Ministry wound down, I found myself basically like Jacob who had been wrestling with God and it was time for me tap out and submit not just on the outside to his plan for me here, but in my heart as well.

I had come out here with the plan to be here two years… that was it. And now honestly, I don't have any plans of leaving. I can't really imagine myself doing anything else. It's funny how God does that, He takes the last possible thing you thought you would do or be happy doing and then He makes it into something you can't live without. When I used to go on short-term trips people would ask me "would you ever consider long term missions?" and I was basically laugh in their face and say "NO". One thing I find rather amusing is when I hear podcasts and the pastor says "don't worry, it doesn't mean that God's going to make you go to Africa or anything crazy like that..." Because seriously the scariest more outrageous thing you think that God would never call you to, may be the exact thing He has planned for you.

Throughout these past three years, Isaiah 55:8, 9 have consistently been my theme verses, His ways are so not my ways. And over the past three years he's broken me in more ways that I can even comprehend, even in the past couple of months hes softened me and opened my eyes to even more things He wishes to burn away. I'm so thankful for this awesome adventure He's called me to and I'm so thankful for all who have supported me financially and prayerfully along the way. And I can't wait to see what the next 3 or 30 years have in store. To HIM be ALL the glory, ALL the honor, and ALL the praise.

Making assumptions

2011-08-28T21:21:00.002-06:00

What's the difference between assuming and having faith? You look at Peter and he basically seemed to assume what God was wanting when in fact it was far from it. We can say we trust God, but really are we just assuming that we know what He's wanting us to do without really seeking him or listening to him when we do ask?

It's 6:30 on Monday morning and I have just made the decision to cancel our outreach to the village of Naiwakona today because I still don't have a voice. I prayed and thought I committed the decision to God, that if I woke up with a voice, sweet! that's my answer to what we should do. But if I woke up and my voice was still gone, well that was my answer that I needed to take a day off and prepare for the next few days. Needless to say though, I woke up and my voice was gone and my response was disappointment. I trusted that God was able to heal my voice if He so desired, but the thing is God has the prerogative to not do what I'm hoping/thinking he will do. Even this morning as I was struggling with the idea of canceling I began checking my motives as to why I didn't want to cancel, and honestly the biggest reasons weren't because I felt like this was what God wanted me to do today, it was more about pleasing others and basically my pride. Last night I was watching Evan Almighty where basically no matter how much he tried to do his own thing, God made it impossible for him to get out of what God was wanting him to do... that's how I perceive this whole thing with my voice. I'm so stubborn and my flesh is so strong that God knows this is what it takes to bring me down to stop me from working in my own strength and catering to my pride instead of working for HIs glory. One of these days I hope I will learn this lesson.

Running on empty

2011-08-28T03:55:00.002-06:00

Have you ever been emptied of yourself? Like seriously you have nothing else to give? No energy, wisdom, strength of your own anymore... Well that's where I was at over the past couple of days and continue to be even today. In the midst of one of the biggest ministry seasons of my "career" I got a gnarly cold. Although, to me it doesn't seem fair to call it a cold because the word "cold" makes it sound not so bad... this thing is a doozy. And because of the yelling at the various children's outreaches earlier in the week and then the dust going to the villages and then this cold... well I lost my voice. Not necessarily the most convenient thing when you're organizing and teaching several events. But even in this God has still proven to be in control.

I'm a very proud person... shocker I know. I try and do things to the best of my ability and I'm a perfectionist to the core when I'm putting on events. I hate asking people to help me do the things that need to get done and try to do it all on my own. I do the behind the scenes and the on stage stuff. MCing and registering, teaching and making menus... and honestly being able to do that totally feeds into my pride yet I still get upset when people don't help. This past week has brought me to the point where basically I had no choice. I had to ask for...gulp.... help. And the cool thing is, God confirmed that's what he wanted because he surrounded me with amazing people who faithfully and selflessly served doing whatever needed to get done to make these events a success. From making sandwiches and filling water balloons to being my vocal chords. I've been humbled to the max to say the least and I'm so thankful for the people God used to teach me the lessons he has been.

Of course now as I'm sucking on throat lozenges and slamming back tea with honey and bottles of water, I'm really hoping that God will give me my voice back as this next week is a doozy...five village outreaches in five days. I was on empty before and have only been able to function by his grace and that will continue throughout this next week. It will be interesting to see how it all goes down.

The Basics Youth Conference

2011-08-28T02:46:00.009-06:00

Yesterday we had our youth conference for this holiday. Normally it's three days long but because this holiday was shorter than usual and we had the other other outreaches planned this one was just one day. We started at 9:30ish and finished by 6:30ish and we had expected 80 students and there over 100 who actually came.

It was a day full of great teachings by Ryan, Steven, and Jess.

Our students did a great job at trying their hand at leading the two worship sets.

There was enough delicious food. And we had a blast playing games. One of the games was the students had to try and eat a sandwich with avocado, peanut butter, mukene (sardines), cereal, and olives.

We also had a water balloon tossing contest

and in the afternoon we had crab walk exercise ball soccer.

Oh, and I can't forget the final game of playing spoons.

It was basically all of the events of the three day conference crammed into one. The general consensus was that it was a great conference and God gets all the glory on that one (see the next post). I hope that in the end though that the games and good food are not all that the students remember because the teachings through the book of James really had a lot of wisdom from enduring trials, doing what the Bible says, and taming the tongue... if all 106 students who came would put those truths into practice I can't imagine what God can do through them in this town.

Outreach #2

2011-08-26T08:28:00.002-06:00

I've found that the waiting process for my water heater is a rather convenient time for me to blog about the events from the day. I'm currently feeling like I may or may not want to crawl under a rock and at least hibernate for a while... I don't want to quite go to the extreme of the other option. The cold that I was getting yesterday hit me today... HARD. I woke up this morning not sure how today was going to happen but God's grace sprinkled with a dash of Dayquil helped get me going. We had a little bit of a late start but honestly it worked out fine. Today we had eleven students so we were packed into two vehicles and made our way to Iguluibi. The students went out to invite the others to come and by 10ish we had started the program. There were hiccups here and there, but nothing anyone noticed who wasn't watching it with a critical eye. The teachings went well and the students continued to come. The students we brought from Jinja said today worked better than yesterday basically because of translation and just us kind of finding our groove, plus the students seemed more laid back and approachable at this village.

It was right before lunch that I really started to feel bad... like really really bad. The worst part was that I was the next teacher and laying out the Gospel. Talk about a time to cry out for God to be my strength in a time of weakness. I literally had nothing to give, and even at first it was rough b/c of the translator not quite catching what I was saying (I would like to say I hope it's because of my cold, but you never know). We finished up the day and the kids seemed to be understanding at least some of what was being taught, I just hope that's really the case and that in the end lives were surrendered to Christ, or at least seeds were planted in order to do so. Now, it's time to continue to partake in Gatorade and cold medicine and make the final preparations for tomorrow's youth conference here in Jinja.

Outreach #1

2011-08-25T08:38:00.002-06:00

Since I'm waiting for my water heater to heat up, I figured it was a good time to blog about the day.

So...bright and early today several students, Ryan, and myself headed out to a village just about 45 minutes away called Lumuli (although with the dusty roads it seemed longer at times). We left a little lit, and I may or may not have gotten little "me" at times but overall I was pretty calm even though we did leave about 30 minutes late. We got the village by 8:45ish and set up and then because there weren't any students yet, my students went to invite more. By 9:45 we got the show on the road with a drama and the first teaching which asking the question "Who is Jesus?", then we had question time. There was then a second drama and then Ryan taught on what Jesus taught about. We then had to find stuff to entertain the students since the food wasn't quite ready on time, but hey this is Africa. After lunch, there was some more music, and the final teaching on when Jesus died, rose, and will come again. Overall, it went really well. Prayers were definitely answered. Now we just ask that you keep the prayers coming as we still have six more villages to do basically the same program, not to mention a big youth event here on Saturday. God is definitely good in the opportunities he brings to share His Good News, that's for sure!

Here we go

2011-08-24T07:47:00.002-06:00

Yesterday we did our outreach with a team from Ft. Lauderdale and today we did a vbs at the church with them as well. Overall there were a few hundred kids who got loved on and heard the Gospel. That alone would make it a cool ministry week. However, that's not even the tip of the iceberg as tomorrow is when we begin our village outreaches for the youth.

I just finished meeting with my youth team from CCJ about all the details for the next few days. It was a lot of fun watching them practice the drama that I thought I had written but then when I watched it, I don't think any of the original script was kept (which I'm totally fine with because I'm so not of the theatrical nature). All of them were laughing so hard they were falling on the ground and it was just cool getting to see them get into being a part of these events.

Tomorrow myself, Ryan, and eleven students will load up and head out to a village called Lumuli which is about an hour or so away. Once we get there and get set up we will then boom some music, welcome the students and get the show on the road. There will be three dramas and three teachings about meeting Jesus as who Jesus really is is something that's gotten lost in this day and age. We'll teach about how Jesus is fully God and fully man, what he taught and said, and finally about his death and resurrection. We're praying for lives to be changed and for people to come into a saving relationship with their Savior. This is the first time I've ever organized something like this so it should be interesting with this first location and seeing what works and what doesn't. And as the old saying goes... ready or not, here we go.

Deep breathes

2011-08-21T23:46:00.002-06:00

It's now the Monday of the first of the two craziest weeks ever. Yesterday I had moments where I could hardly breathe because I was so overwhelmed by all that I needed to get done and the things that were coming around the corner. Gearing up for these seven outreaches and the conference has got me on my knees more than ever before knowing that it is literally impossible for me to be able to pull off these next couple of weeks on my own. To add to everything, over the next two days we will also have another team that Jess and I will facilitate while Bev is taking the current team to the airport. So basically today is the last day to get everything squared away...gulp.

God is so good though because He knows our struggles and knows how to speak to our hearts. In a book I'm reading right now, they cite Spurgeon using the classic example of Peter walking on water to Jesus, and why he began to drown.

"Or else your troubles take another shape, and you feel that you are called to some eminently arduous service for your Lord, and your strength is utterly insignificant compared with the labour before you. If you had great faith it would be as much as you could do to accomplish it; but with your poor little faith you are completely beaten. You cannot see how you can accomplish the matter at all. Now, what is all this but simply looking at second causes? You are looking at your trouble, not at the God who sent your trouble; you are looking at yourselves, not at the God who dwells within you, and who has promised to sustain you....If Christ calls thee into the fire, he will ring thee out of it; and if he bids thee walk the sea, he will enable thee to tread it to safety"

As I read that part, I seriously let out a gasp while I was reading it before going to bed. God could not have used more clear words to get me to hear his voice speaking to me in my time of trouble. I'm still struggling, but with that encouragement it's much better.

Oh Lord increase my faith! Oh Lord keep my eyes on you and not allow the waves and the storm and impossibility of the task before me to take my gaze off of you!

Gearing Up

2011-08-20T05:15:00.002-06:00

Right now as I also get ready for youth group tonight, I'm getting everything set for the next two weeks. In just 5 short days we will begin to take Uganda by storm with a week's worth of youth outreaches. We will begin close to home (about 45 min away) for the first two days. Then we will have our youth conference here in Jinja next Saturday (holy cow only a week away!). Monday is another close one (about an hour away), and then it's on to the big shabang as a small team and I travel to four villages further away from Jina and stay in the village or in guest houses along the way.

Currently, I just finished making the permission slips for the students as I want to open up the closer outreaches to a few of our youth group kids as well. Figuring out who will be where when and doing what is a little intense right now, especially having a local youth conference in the middle of it all, but it continues to take shape so it's also rather exciting.

Continue to just pray that I would remain calm and allow God to guide the planning and surrender even the details to him (including the funding). These next two weeks could be some highlights of ministry or they could do me in if I let them, so pray that doesn't happen and again that many students would hear the Gospel and surrender their lives to Him.

James 1:27

2011-08-19T03:09:00.003-06:00

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you."

Every Sunday I meet with a group of about ten students all basically between the ages of 9 and 13. We've met for almost as long as I've been here in Uganda and began studying the Sermon on the Mount and then we started just studying verse by verse through the Bible. It took us about a year to finish Genesis and then Exodus took less time because we rocked it double time and currently we're in the beginning of Leviticus. I LOVE this ministry! These students have shown so much growth in the past three years and I'm just so excited to see how God is working in their lives.

A couple of weeks ago as we were talking about sacrifice and serving we started to think about ways that we as a group could serve either an individual or a group. At first, the usual ideas were brought up, but then one of my girls told us about how her school's new building was near an orphanage and her teachers had talked about how they were needing clothes. The students all seemed to really like the idea of serving this group of kids and so this past Tuesday Awuma (the girl who came up with the idea) and I did a survey trip to check it out. There were 40 kids there and they really didn't have much. So yesterday (Thursday) afternoon the kids and I loaded up into our blue van and went to the market to buy the kids at least some clothes. Taking the kids to the market was definitely an adventure.... I just kept looking behind me and seeing a little trail of kids as we weaved through the aisles. We then took a nice fifteen minute drive outside of town to the orphanage. We gave them the clothes, played with the kids, and then they did some songs for us. It was really cool just to see my students who honestly live pretty posh lives comparably speaking playing and showing love to these kids who really don't have much at all other than some beautiful smiles. Getting to be obedient to God's call to show love to people was really my most favorite part of the day, as my students looked outside of themselves and to serve others was just too cool.

Success

2011-08-15T06:22:00.002-06:00

What is success? Money? Numbers? Fame? In ministry success seems to be even more of an interesting concept to wrap our minds around. To most success in ministry is packed seats and tick marks of membership and "raised hands". I even was wrapped into that mindset until I heard about a book called "Liberating Ministry from the Success Syndrome", in that book God opened my eyes to what success in his eyes is all about. Moses when he struck the rock instead of speaking to it, he may have seemed "successful" to the wold because the people got what they wanted but he failed in God's eyes because he didn't obey what God said. The bottom line is that success in God's eyes is not about the external things, it's more about our faithfulness and obedience to His Word. Even if you have to have multiple services/campuses, you have book deals and radio programs, yet you're not being faithful to what God's telling you to do, you're failing in His eyes. You look at guys like Jeremiah who even though he didn't have the greatest response from those he spoke to, he was still a success to God because he was doing what God had told him to do. If only we began to listen to God more than to the masses, just imagine what God could do in and through us.

GOOD things come in small packages... GREAT things come in really big ones.

2011-08-14T13:43:00.002-06:00

Encouragement defined is to give confidence, support, or hope. A little over three weeks ago my brother, Kyle, was able to come here to visit me and he just left last night and he did exactly that... encourage. Before he came I had several people (actually it was pretty unanimous) advise me that I needed to let him minister to me and not plan and just enjoy the time with him. At first it took me back.... minister to ME? But I'm the big sister, how is that even possible? When he first came it was interesting adjusting to have another person to consider in making plans even just to go out to breakfast, but the more time we spent together, the cooler the talks and the sweeter the time. Considering that he's 18 (7yrs younger than I am), I was kind of not sure about how our talks would go, but then before I knew it the poor kid was the witness of several breakdowns and I honestly talked to him about struggles/concerns/insecurities that I had never told anyone. There was such safety in having family, someone who can now see everything first hand. He actually gave me some sweet counsel and was amazing to have around. He was able to get to know the people who have become so important to me and get a true tasted of Uganda from giraffes to crazy roads in Karamoja, and there are really very few things that he missed out on and when it was all said and done he didn't want to leave.

All today I kept thinking that I heard or saw him out of the corner of my eye. He was so cute last night (there's the big sister for you) as he was in line at the airport and doing so good to turn around and wave goodbye after each step of the check-in process and I'll always remember seeing this long white arm raise above the sea of brown as he waved goodbye one last time. Pretty much everyone I know on the field desires to have their family witness their lives and experience the calling God has placed on them, and I was able to enjoy that blessing. The encouragement he was to me and others... well, words can't express it. It hurts me to think of how he's not here right now but at least I get to see him in just about 4 months. I'm so proud of the man...gulp... he has started to become and I can't wait to see what God has in store for him.

Our Karamoja Jaunt

2011-08-11T09:37:00.003-06:00

Now, some may have thought that Kyle already had enough adventure with what went down over our safari trip, but au contraire my friends... we still had a little more adventure up our sleeves before the big guy leaves us. Originally we were supposed to go to Karamoja for a pig roast on Thursday (today) but that had to be cancelled so then on the fly we made arrangements to head up there on Tuesday. So we got the car all set late Monday evening and early Tuesday morning we were off on another whirlwind adventure. I had stayed up all late a couple nights before to make a playlist for our 6ish hour journey, but because of issues with speakers and connections, that didn't happen, so we began our long trek without speakers booming... I didn't even know it was possible to have a road trip like that these days.

We made great time getting from Jinja to where the dirt road begins heading into Karamoja, but then the fun began. Seriously within about 20 yards of the tarmac ending we encountered problems and already began sliding and that's when we knew we were in for it. More and more too we were getting texts from the friends we were going to visit telling us that they're getting reports as to just how bad it was. But we decided to keep on going. As drove on, Kyle's heart rate continued to rise and he had to focus on breathing (just kidding... but no seriously), my prayers got a little more fervent, and Ryan just kept enjoying himself. His lightheartedness and optimism definitely helped keep me calm. When we were about to go into a scary spot that involved quite a bit of fish tailing Ryan would yell out some form of a "God help us!" and He definitely did. We didn't get stuck once, except for when we got high centered because of cows not getting out of our way fast enough. Of course, Ryan's jovial attitude was a little dampened when we encountered a river that seemed to be not so terrible and it ended up going over the hood. That was intense to say the least and it definitely got all our hearts racing. We were able though to finally get to our friends by about 1:30 and have some lunch and rehash all our war stories from the drive up.

Our friends at the Orthodox Presbyterian mission were awesome to catch up with and such a huge blessing. Kyle not only got to take in the breathtaking beauty that is Karamoja but he was able to meet some more hard-core missionaries and their kids. We walked through a "river", took pictures, drank some coffee, and had some awesome fellowship. Then on Wednesday we all geared up to come this way because the other families had things to do down country so we all caravanned. Leaving by about 12:30ish we were able to hit the roads and God was so good at how he had allowed the roads to dry up and be exponentially better than they were the day before. We were able to get to the tarmac without incident and were pretty much home free from there.

Last night, I was tired and sore (my collar bone is bruised because of the seat-belt doing its job on Tuesday's roads), and there was more dust in my ears than I really ever thought possible. But really it was an awesome time yet again with a whole new layer of inside jokes and memories. I'm so glad my brother was able to experience this part of Uganda and continue to meet the people and experience the country that has become a part of who I am.

Signs of the times

2011-08-07T13:59:00.002-06:00

I'm hearing all sorts of information coming in from what's happening in the States. Things like debt ceilings, stock market crashes, and more soldiers loosing their lives. I'm here in Uganda daily hearing of prices rising almost 100% (no joke) on staple food items, I hear of people dying of starvation, and drought. You look around the world and it seems like there's no hope. It seems like everything's crumbling around us. This world is like sand passing through ones fingers. Christian, Mayan, Muslim, etc... all lay claim to an end to the world as we know it. And just this year we had "the sky is falling" by one pastor who thought that although God said "no one knows the day or the hour", he was able to figure it out. No matter what your religious beliefs may be, looking around at the condition of the world, our minds should be churning over the concept of the temporary nature of this life. How one day you can have security and the next you have nothing and the very things you spent your life to accumulate are now gone.

As I said, we could look around and allow our fear to almost paralyze us saying that there's nothing we can do. But really, we need to "make the most of every opportunity" while we have the chance, we should be taking these events as wake up calls as to what really should matter in our lives. If you're a Christian, it should motivate you to get off your butt (sorry for the bluntness there) and share your faith with those you care about the most because you really don't know what tomorrow may bring.

I just heard about how the governor of Texas called for a time of prayer and fasting for the nation. I've also heard that there were several people (even Christians) who were not necessarily in support of it. But no matter what your sentiments are with such an event, the fact that he was willing to put his career on the line should get our attention. This world as a whole is lost and dark and very close to the time when every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is the Lord - no matter if it's in worship or fear because they have lived a life rejecting him. We're on our knees now, but what happens tomorrow if things get better? Will we go back to how we used to be? The nation of Israel during the time of the Judges rejected God, got punished, cried out to God, and God sent reprieve and then after time they went back to doing their own thing. Now someone who's a governor can make a huge difference with the exposure his actions can get, you and I may never be able to organize hundreds of thousands of people to earnestly seek God to change our country or our world, but we can change how we live. We can be the ones who live differently, we can be the ones who no matter what the world is saying is ok we live for something more, we can be the ones to show the love, grace, forgiveness, and holiness that this world has become so void of. I hope that the reaction to the situation in the States is not merely a one day/week/month emotional response to suffering, but a true lament over the sin and people committing to truly living to please God above anyone/thing else.

I know hearing of these things has challenged me because so often we complain, but often do we pray. So let's be challenge and let's be a nation/generation that truly, genuinely, and passionately seeks His face.

Do I have to?

2011-08-04T12:43:00.002-06:00

One thing about God's Word is that vary rarely do you find caveats when He calls us to do something... REJOICE ALWAYS period, LOVE YOUR ENEMIES period, IN YOUR ANGER DO NOT SIN period, FORGIVE period. There's no room for, "But, you don't understand! They've done/said this, this, and this to me!" or "God didn't mean this when he said those things". But the truth is, God just knows us way too well. He knows that even if He had listed every possible scenario to those commands that we would always try and find some little loop hole. As children of God, we're called to be holy (set apart) as He is holy. That means we're not to be like the world. The world says, "you got a raw deal, go ahead and become bitter", "They said that or did that to you, you have every right to be nasty back to them", "They've hurt you time and time again, just forget them!". That's what the world says, but God calls us to be different...period. In John 14:15 Jesus says, "If you love me, you will obey what I command." So the answer to that question of "do I have to?" no matter what the world may say is a definite yes... even when it's not easy. (I may or may not be learning this lesson right now myself ;) )

One wild and crazy month

2011-08-02T07:15:00.002-06:00

A couple of months ago, God really opened my eyes to the fact that there are 17 million youth under the age of 15 here in Uganda. From there sprung the plan to do a tour of Uganda and visit our village churches and have day long youth conferences to get the students thinking about the things of God and realizing who Jesus really is. So needless to say, that's happening at the end of this month from August 25th through September 2nd where I'll be heading out with a small team to begin reaching the youth of Uganda one village at a time. In the middle of that, on the 27th, we will also have a day long conference here in Jinja that will cover the book of James. I'm so excited to see what God will do through this endeavor, but I'm also well aware of my flesh, and that's what has me worried.

Whenever a big event comes up and I get stressed, I freak out and basically become a monster to all those closest to me as I'm trying to make everything absolutely perfect. So knowing that, I'm trying to be proactive and put an SOS out there to everyone, that I desperately need your prayers as I gear up for that week. For me personally, that I would just breathe, have grace, be flexible, effectively communicate the ways others can help me, and realize it's all about God and not about me. For the ministry itself, pray that the students will come and lives would be eternally changed (and I'm not taking that part lightly). Also pray for safety on the road, provision for the food (overall it will cost about $1,000), and that I would know who should be a part of the team.

You can look forward to several other posts leading up to that week, so this is just the beginning. I know that God could radically change lives of about 1,000 youth through that week, I just need to not get in the way and just "let go and let God".

Be careful what you wish for

2011-07-29T13:30:00.005-06:00

In my life, I take very few risks.... all with the heading of "I'll get hurt if I do that". The problem with that is, is that I still enjoy adventures... experiencing new things, making new memories and inside jokes. Well, yesterday (wow, I can't believe it was just yesterday) Ryan, Kyle, and I set out at 4am to embark on a short adventure of taking Kyle to a game park for a safari. Little did we know just how much of an adventure it was going to be.

Normally, I'm meticulous in my planning - color coded schedules, check-lists, etc... but this time, I decided to just be more or less go with the flow. I had called a few days ago to try and find a place for us to stay and found that because it is peak season everything is booked, so we decided to bring a tent and camp. Well, we made excellent time getting to the game park and after a couple of tense moments with the baboons on the road we reached our campground only to find the booking had never been properly communicated. But they still had a place for us to set up our tent so we decided to tackle that endeavor... only there was one little problem: as we unpacked the tent we found that one key thing was missing - the poles. Being the avid camper that I am (not!), I didn't think to really unpack it and see how it all worked before-hand. So needless to say we were battling panic, frustration, and laughter over this. Ryan used his experience with tents and just being a handy guy to have around, got the one piece of string out of his car and had Kyle get vines and they made it where it turned out to be a glorified mosquito net, but it worked and looked fine to sleep in. (it's ok to laugh, i still do when I see the picture).

Well after that fun thing, we call to see if we could get some seats on the big boat that gives you a tour all the way to the water fall, but yet again, because it is peak season, they were totally booked - unless we wanted to spend $140 and rent a little private boat to do so. So that was a bummer, but when we finally ended up going back to the campsite we got some good news, two more "legit" tents opened up and we could take them if we wanted - God is seriously so good! Of course, my excitement for this was only heightened by the fact that when I was by our old tent, a rather large baboon came out of the bush and walked about 2 inches away from our tent.

With the tent situation settled, it was time for the game drive. It was awesome! We were able to see so many giraffes, elephants from a distance, and even two young male lions. All of which while the sun was beginning to set. It was really cool, and our guide was not half bad either. So that in and of itself made the trip a success.

After having dinner and all wanting to pass out. We went to our tents, and then as I was about to fall asleep, Kyle sees a snake in our tent. It was about 10ish inches long and purple. I call out to Ryan (who is in the other tent) "Ryan, what type of snake is purple?", his response, "Oh, Egyptian Cobras". I proceded to maybe possibly freak out a little bit. Kyle got the nerve to use his shoe to smash it and it didn't work, so he ended up pinning it and cutting off his head (I was going to post pictures, but decided to keep this post PG.

We made it through the night, checked out the falls, and then began our trek back to Jinja (we were pretty ready to be done with the place by then). Then we were heading home and passed a sign "Misindi Council Wishes You a Safe Journey" - we thought, "that's funny, that sign is double sided and seems to be positioned backwards". We should have listened to that caution, because before we knew it we had gone the wrong way for about 20 minutes. Going back the right way, we hit the town, had some breakfast, and then again began going back home. That's when the back right tire decided to blow (oh, and it was raining and cold). So we (well more Ryan with the help of Kyle - I was there to gather rocks to put behind the tires), fixed the tire and finally made it back to Jinja.

When you total it all up, it was about 20 hours that we were in the car. We made it through countless songs on the iPod, and laughed a lot. We definitely had ourselves an adventure that's for sure... and once again let me just say "Be careful what you wish for".

A taste of home

2011-07-29T13:21:00.002-06:00

Well, just over a week ago, I got a very awesome "care package" from home. It was my 18 year old brother, Kyle. For so long I've been wanting him, or just someone from home to come and see my new home and the life I have here and the people who have become my second family. He's had a whirlwind of a time so far, meeting more people than he can keep track of, going to my school ministry, tagging along with the prison ministry, and just getting into the flow of life here. We can look forward to two more weeks of him getting to know the people even more and see the ministry and the country in some very real ways. He's even had to deal with the death of a baby who was from an orphanage where the owners, volunteers, and kids are a very large part of our church body. He's gotten to see the beauty of this amazing country as well as witness the personal struggles those of us on the field deal with. It will be interesting to see what all God shows him and uses him for over the rest of this visit. It's definitely too cool getting to have someone I love so much experience what has become my life.

No excuses

2011-06-30T12:50:00.003-06:00

The fact that we insist on proving that we are right is almost always a clear indication that we have some point of disobedience

Oswald Chambers

I like to argue... for some of you who know me, that really doesn't come as much of a surprise. The sad thing is that my arguing knows no limits, where even a lot of times I find myself arguing with God. I am the queen of rationalization and I like to say that if I really try, I can talk myself into/out of anything. Well...lately I've been struggling with getting along with a certain person. In dealing with said person in talking to others, I like to clearly define why I'm right, why they are in the wrong, why it's ok that I'm not showing them grace, why they don't deserve forgiveness or for me to apologize in any way/shape/form. Well... the thing is that deep down I know how I'm supposed to deal with him I just was in a debating match with God for the past week or so over it.

It's funny because the book of James I think is one of the most read books of the Bible but even as I've read it/studied it time and time again God is faithful to stab that double edged sword in a new location to expose and remove another vile thing that I tolerate in my life. This morning I was in chapter two and at one point James brings things back to that one command that pretty much sums everything up, "love your neighbor as yourself". James is also good to mention that awesome little thing about "anyone then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins". Yeah... ouch. So basically a couple of months ago, God was opening my eyes to the love 1 Corinthians 13 describes and He just keeps adding to it. The thing is no matter how hard I look, there's no caveat, there's no loop hole... it doesn't say "love your neighbor as long as he's not ticking you off" or "love is kind only when that person deserves it"... nope it's plain and simple. And here's the thing, like I mentioned before, if I know I should be showing love to those who it's hard to, if I know I need to forgive, show mercy, be kind to everyone no matter what... and then I don't do it, it's yet again that nasty three letter word, "SIN". Sin is missing the mark, it's not living the way or doing what God has called you to, it's disobedience and as Jesus says, "If you love me, obey my commandments". So needless to say, the quote given at the beginning of this post really just makes sure to plunge that sword in deeper than it was already. I need to love, I need to obey... no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

A special case

2011-06-25T13:44:00.003-06:00

In the past, when I've taken those spiritual gift inventories, the gifts of giving and compassion were pretty much in the negatives. I know it's terrible for a missionary to admit that, but it's true. My very common response is "I can't help you in a material sense but I can pray for you". I realize that many of you are thinking that verse in James right now, but you have to realize just how many requests we get, it's literally impossible to meet all of those needs that people seem to have. But sometimes there are those rare cases where God seriously breaks my heart for certain people and he lays the tracks to do something in their lives by orchestrating events and enabling us to help them.

On Thursday, we were with the team on an island doing ministry in a fishing village, including the school that's there. As I was trying out my Luganda with some of the older kids, one of them said that I needed to see their friend who had a hurt arm. I thought... oh great, your usual scabies, worms, infected cut, etc... Then this girl named Mariam was before me and her arm was super swollen and I looked closer and you could see the bone protruding from the skin and throughout the arm there were other old wounds. When I asked her how long it's been like that, she told me a year... I had to check my Luganda a minute to be sure I really got what she said. But after verifying things, she had in fact had that for about a year and she said she was in pain. She was super quiet, and I said I could pray for her to which her friends informed me that she was Muslim and I told them that God loves her too. So after praying for her and making a phone call realizing just how serious it was, it was decided we would bring her to Jinja to have surgery in order to keep her from dying from the infection. The one issue was getting the permission from her parents. At first her dad was ok with the plan but then he said he was afraid her arm would be cut off. We found out that he had spent about $500 at witch doctors to try and fix her... I couldn't believe that! It also turns out that the girls parents are divorced and she lives with her dad but her dad is married to a new wife and the girl doesn't even sleep in the same house as them. I just couldn't believe that someone could have that little care for someone who is his own flesh and blood! We finally had to get the LC1 (local leader) to convince him to have her come with us and tell him that she could die and this may be his last chance for her to get help.

After the doctor saw her and the x-rays and the tests. We found out that she has osteomyolitis (sp?) where her bone is infected and the infection is basically bursting the bone and making it come out the skin. The infection has no place to drain so it just breaks the bone. She will have to have the first surgery which will provide a way for the infection to get out but then other surgeries to hopefully repair the damage and save her arm. We also found that there's a good chance that she has sicle cell anemia as her blood count is at 7 which is really low.

This poor girl is in so much pain, and she's only 11! I can't help but think that God brought her into our path not to just get healed physically but that He's got something even more in store for her, her family, and even that village through this whole thing. It's just cool because it' all about Him because of the timing, circumstances, and you can just see His hand all over it. Please just pray for Mariam, that not only would God guide the hands of the surgeon but that He would also do a huge work in helping her to know that she has a heavenly Father who loves her so much and knows her pain and use this to do an awesome work in that little village.

What a week

2011-06-24T13:13:00.002-06:00

So for the past couple of years I had somewhat shadowed Ryan as he helped organize this team who came every year. I would go to some of the outreaches and see kind of how it's done, little did I know just how much work it would be doing it solo this year. Before the team came, I was honestly struggling with having a really bad attitude about it. I even had a good friend of mine basically rebuke me (although it was done in a very encouraging way) about how bad my attitude was and that I need to look at it as an opportunity for ministry. After that conversation and a little more smack down that only the Holy Sprit can do, we went through one crazy hectic week where I was stretched more than I think I've ever been before as every single imaginable thing that could go wrong that was out of my control did.

In the end though, we ended up going to several slum areas, a fishing village, a few schools, a prison, and a village where we have one of our churches and quite a few people prayed to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. That's really what makes all the stress, heart palpitations, and anxiety attacks (I may or may not be just kidding) worth it. If you tallied it up, there were over 1,000 people who heard the Gospel and the best thing about that was that in almost every area we did evangelism, we have a ministry that is directly involved with that area so we can plug them in to get some further discipleship.

I seriously cannot believe all that has gone down this past week... so so so many adventures, challenges, etc... but it really was a lot of fun. Yesterday in the midst of the worst chaos, I was just on the edge of loosing it and getting into the car with a few of my translators for the team and I was just warning them that I was having a really tough time, and one of them told me, "Don't worry, you have us". That seriously almost made me want to cry, because that one statement caused me to take a deep breath and just chill. My translators for this team were awesome, and even when the team wasn't running on time, they were. I could always count of them even when nothing else was going right. I love how God does that...giving a little glimmer of light in the midst of the storm - that glimmer was my translator team this week.

At the beginning of the week, the general counsel that was given to me was to just be flexible, which for me is not necessarily an easy feat. I was stretched so much this week in the realm of flexibility that I honestly feel a little like those cirque du soleil people who can basically make themselves into human pretzels. I think this week would have been tough for anyone, but for a girl whose life revolves around color-coded excel spread sheets, it was especially difficult. But God continuously proved Himself faithful in answering prayers and opening really sweet doors for ministry. God is definitely good!

A drama princess

2011-06-22T13:47:00.003-06:00

You know that song that goes winey winey... I pretty much only know that one line (and I'm hoping you now have that song stuck in your head much like I do now googling the lyrics because it's driving you crazy not knowing the rest :) ). Well, these past 24 hours I've found that I took up the habit of whining for whining sake. I would complain even when there's really not a whole heck of a lot to complain about. I realized this tonight as I was trying to tell someone something and had someone near me who knew about the situation. I was kind of a reality check of, "oh wait, it's really not that bad". It's funny when you have that, it's like you build stuff up for the sake of drama and then when you have someone there who knows how much more is happening or that it's not all bad, that you realize the error of your ways...well, that was me tonight.

Drama is a funny thing isn't it? We get annoyed or even make fun of those who are what we would refer to as drama queens, or even in some cases kings when in reality we do the same things. You know... the whole world ends if something doesn't happen or you blow things totally out of proportion, or that even when things really aren't that bad, you try to make them sound that way just for a little extra attention? Well... I have come to point of where now I need to confess that although I can't bring myself to admit that I'm a drama queen, I can definitely be drama princess to say the least and I have a feeling my coronation could be coming very soon if I don't stop it. The Bible pinpoints that 1) don't be anxious and 2) do all things without complaining... you don't even want to know how many times I've violated those commands. To do both of those things is... wait....what... oh that's right, it's SIN. Ouch! Can you believe it?! And as much as we may want to pass things off as personality flaws or "I'm just a perfectionist", or blah blah blah... it's sin, it's sin, it's sin, it's sin, it's sin. In doing those two things you are doubting God's sovereignty, power, love, etc... and that's just bad ju ju.

So yes, all this to say, I have received another nice beating today by the Holy Spirit just going to town and scouring my heart to remove what's not of Him. It hurts...I'm embarrassed to admit I still haven't totally learned this lesson, but I'm rejoicing in the fact that we have a loving, faithful, and patient Father who although He may have to take out his "belt" so to speak from time to time, it's all worth it to make me holy as He is holy.

One sweet night

2011-06-18T12:29:00.002-06:00

Tonight at youth group, things went on without really anything special... we played princess, knight, rider, had some worship (our boys are learning), and then I taught through Galatians. I'll be honest, it was tough, I know that Galatians is a great book, Martin Luther said it was even his favorite, but I just had a tough time getting into it. Praise God though that how He works is not dependent on how I "feel". At the end of the teaching, even though I ran a little over time, God seemed to be telling me to do an altar call. Now, I'm not necessarily one for altar calls, I've actually never done one before tonight, but as the kids heads were bowed I asked them if they had never accepted Jesus, but they wanted to for them to raise their hands and a ton of kids did. I was floored, I kept reiterating what it meant and making sure they never had done it before (you know how some people tend to get "saved" every Sunday), and the hands stayed up. Then I told them to make it public, and I really wanted to cry as kids who were just beginning to get involved in the youth group came up along with kids who had been coming for years. God knows the hearts of these kids and what they really understand of what they professed today, but the coolest thing was that it's not like I can look back on the evening and go "yup, well... that teaching was pretty sweet" or anything like that. I mean when I threw out the net so to speak I really did figure it would come back empty, but that's when God gets the most glory, because it wasn't anything about me, the teaching, etc... it was all about the work that God has been doing on the hearts of these kids, I just pray that they live the life now and that they really would allow God to rock their worlds!

Tomorrow

2011-06-17T12:35:00.003-06:00

We live in a world of procrastination. Homework, housework, deadlines, bills... we like to put it off until the last possible second. One thing you find a lot of people putting off is making a decision to follow Christ. They like to say, "After I'm done with school", "After I get married", "After I have some 'fun' that's when I'll give my life to Christ". Well, I hate to be the one to tell you, but there may not be an "after". I know this post is strangely morbid, but I've been surrounded by a lot of brushes with eternity lately in the world around me. Two great guys I know have suffered heart troubles that could of killed them and just yesterday at the market here in Jinja a truck lost control and crashed into a little booth killing a family. That last one really got me thinking... you really really never know. Sure we like to say we all want to die at the age of 96 in our sleep holding hands with our spouse (or whatever floats your boat), but when it really comes down to it, none of us is even guaranteed tomorrow. That family woke up yesterday, had some tea, got ready, and thought they were just going to go about their day as usual. Very few people wake up knowing they will die that day when you really think about it. We all think, "I'll never be that statistic of heart attacks/car wrecks/household accidents".

This is where you see the missionary in me... the Bible says "Today is the day of salvation". Eternity is a whole heck of a lot longer than this life. You may say that you don't believe in heaven, that when we die we're just worm food, and that's the end of the story. But what if you're wrong? What if you do become a statistic, what if you stand before Jesus with his nail pierced hands, and your knee bows before him realizing you denied the only one whoever truly loved you... more than that boyfriend who kept telling you "if you love me...", more than that bottle, more than that degree, more than that bank account, more than those friends who were with you on Friday night but come Saturday morning are nowhere to be found. What if...

If you've been living the life of "after's", if you've been living that life of running...running to anything and anyone to give you that peace and fulfillment only He can give... I ask, no wait, I beg you to really search your heart and ask yourself that cliche question, "Where WILL I go when I die?" And if you don't know but want to, please give your life to him right now. Jesus is THE way, THE truth, and THE life. If there were any other way to heaven, he wouldn't have had to come and go through what he did in order to bridge the gap between our sinful selves and a holy God.

The book of Romans says, "If you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Right now cry out to God, pray to him in your own words confessing you're a sinner, that without him you're nothing, that you believe he died on the cross for your sins, and rose from the dead so you could spend eternity with him, and that you want him to come into your life, change you, consume you, and save you. If you can pray that and truly believe it and you seek to know God and have a true relationship with him, then you my friend can rest easy tonight knowing that if you become a random statistic of ceilings collapsing (or whatever it may be) that you get to spend eternity with one amazing God!

In God We Trust

2011-06-15T00:25:00.002-06:00

Over the years there have been various groups that have attempted to remove the "In God We Trust" from the US currency and the evangelical population has been up in arms about it. The ironic thing, is that many even evangelical Christians do not abide by that saying. Currently I'm reading the book called God's Smuggler by Brother Andrew. Each time I read it, God opens my eyes and challenges me in new areas as I read the true story of how God worked in the life of this missionary. Andrew attended a Bible college of sorts where over the entrance to the school there is the saying, "Have faith in God". Throughout his time in the school God continuously provided for him and the ministry he took part in and the lessons God taught him in faith would bring him through some of the most intense times for him both personally and in ministry.

God is really teaching me so much about what it means to truly trust in Him. We say we trust God, but when it really comes down to it do we? I would say that more often than not, we kind of trust in God but our weight is resting more on our bank accounts, our education, our careers, our friendships, our spouses, our family... We trust in God when those things are going the way we would like for them to. When we have that "nest egg", when we have that security of a job, when our parents are getting along trusting in God is a piece of cake. But how well do we pass the test of faith when we don't know how we're going to pay rent, when that lay off comes, when your parents sit you down and tell you they're getting a divorce. God is our heavenly Father who is with us through the calm and the storm, and even when you can't see/feel him we need to trust Him. We need to trust Him to provide as His son tells us that God provides for the birds of the air and the lilies of the field, we need to trust him when he says "NEVER will I leave you", and we need to trust him when He tells us "do not be afraid".

Struggles, pain and loss WILL happen, it isn't just a question about "if you have enough faith". The patriarchs, prophets, and apostles all had "enough faith" yet they faced more trials than we could ever imagine. It's not about having faith in faith, but having faith in our sovereign, awesome, good, and holy God. We may not understand the pain we're experiencing at the time, but He is faithful as His ways are not our ways. So I guess as I'm trying to learn this lesson of faith the question I want to send out into this great void is do you truly really have faith and faith in God alone?

Fear

2011-06-12T13:32:00.003-06:00

"Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men" - Luke 5:10

God seems to be opening my eyes to how often he calls us in scripture to not be afraid. Most of the times that happens in the midst of or on the onset of some huge new groundbreaking chapter or event in someones lives... It was told to the patriarchs, to Joshua, to the prophets, to Mary, and the above verse was given to the Peter and co. when Jesus called them into ministry. Over the past month or so, God has continued to weave together a vision to seriously and effectively reach the youth around Uganda and to truly make the most out of EVERY opportunity He sends my way with the youth in my life right now. With this new drive and burden though comes a great sense of fear. I'm afraid of failing, I'm afraid of the opposition, I'm afraid of it being a "success". I know that sounds funny, but hey I'm just telling it like it is.

About a week ago I went on a little ka retreat to the mountains in eastern Uganda to kind of process a lot of what God's been showing me, and to lift specific people and issues up in prayer. This burden for the youth is what consumed most of those prayers and what God showed me through his Word. God's Word truly is living and active as He brought to light so many things and addressed so many of the excuses I had been trying to give as well as hurdles I felt I had to get over. When finally it just came down to faith... trusting Him, His plans, His voice, and taking that step where you honestly don't know what it could lead to but you know that God has called you to do it. It honestly scares the bejeebers out of me to even begin thinking about taking that step, but little by little I'm trying to wrap my mind around what He's calling me to do and what it's going to look like. I just ask for prayer that I would walk so closely with him that I would hear His voice directing me in what to do, and that there wouldn't be any other "noise" distracting me from hearing what He's trying to tell me. But it's not just about hearing, please pray that I also LISTEN to His voice when He calls me to do the things that my rational/planning/unflexible self bucks at and realize that it's His show and His plan and I just need to hang on and enjoy the ride.

And here we have the big 2-5

2011-06-02T15:10:00.002-06:00

Many of you have heard about what has been referred to as "love languages", some people need quality time, others gifts, others words of affirmation. For me, above everything else, for me to really "feel the love" I am hands down an "acts of service" kind of girl. Don't get me wrong, I love gifts and words spoken from the heart, but it blows my mind when people do stuff for me. Even the smallest things mean so much to me. Well, today... let's just say I felt the love in some very big ways! I wrote my last blog over 24 hours ago and was dreading turning twenty five, but because of today, I'll look at this birthday with some of the most amazing memories. I'm honestly still in shock about just how perfect it really was.

To start with, I woke up and right away got a call from my family who sang to me and were the first to really wish me happy birthday. From there, it was time for prayer with our staff and then Ryan and I went off to breakfast at Jude's which is a tradition for everyone's birthday. We then met up with Jen and Kenna and headed out to the place we now refer to as "the other side" which is seriously one of my most favorite places to go because it's so quiet and you can look out and see for miles and miles. We came back and headed out to Leo's for some Indian food for lunch and Bev was able to come and meet us so that was really cool. Then it was time to begin watching the new Pirates movie (wink wink). While I was watching it, I got the call that my birthday package from my mom arrived so I went to pick that up. Then Jen surprised me and took me to get a massage and a pedicure...it was glorious! When the pedi was over, we went to a restaurant called The Keep, and as I turned the corner, I saw tons of green balloons and an awesome collection of friends and friends who are more like family who had gathered for a surprise party. We had some killer cake and it was just so sweet for them all to come out and I honestly can't believe that nobody told me about it. I never get surprised but today was defined by surprises. There was a schedule that I had no control over, and it was absolutely beautiful! Everything about today was perfect!

You know, today I was thinking, that in my mind I don't know if I've ever experienced a more tangible representation of God's grace (aside from the obvious of what Jesus has done for me). Grace is defined as "unmerited favor" and the whole day I just couldn't believe that so many people who I care about were doing these things because it was my birthday. They chose to take time out of their day (some their whole day) in order to make this day special and not as painful for me. I don't deserve them doing that by any means. I know my faults, I know I'm not a cup of tea all the time, I know I'm a bit of a drama queen, I know I'm stubborn, sarcastic, and have major foot in mouth disease, and yet people still love me in spite of those things. God amazes me that He blesses us with such amazing people to surround us in order to encourage us and love us even though in our eyes we may seem unworthy of that. There's nothing I can ever do to earn God's grace, it's just something I need to bask in and be thankful for and that's where I'm at with the events of today. Again, for the special things that were done and what God showed me through them, I will NEVER forget my twenty fifth birthday.

24

2011-06-01T13:26:00.003-06:00

Right now it's 11:00 at night, the night before I turn 25. Wow...25.... I can't believe that I'm actually turning a quarter century in just a couple short hours. For those of you who have "been there and done that" with the big 2-5, I'm sure I'm not going to feel much sympathy from y'all. But I can honestly say that I'm not dealing with this whole 25 thing very well. To me, it's a lot like the end of childhood. I know for many people, they have been married and already had a couple of kids by the time they're 25, but considering those things haven't happened yet for me, I really do view turning 25 as the gateway into adult hood, and I don't know if I've ever been more scared in my entire life. Responsibility, maturity, and the like can no longer be excused by the fact that I'm just in my "early twenties", but I have to start really acting my age. But 25... wow.

Currently Switchfoot's song 24 is playing and I can think of no better song than that right now. "Life is not what I thought it was...", "Twenty four failures, twenty four tries", "I'm not who I thought I was", "twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong", "with all my excuses still twenty four strong". The cool thing is that Jon Foreman wrote this song as he was ending his twenty fourth year as well. Looking back on 24... well, let's just say it was hands down THE toughest year of my life, it was also one where I learned the most. I began the year with getting away and just preparing for what was coming because I just knew God was going to refine me over the year. Soon I broke my foot, I was then left to man the compound with Jess and Bev on furlough, Ryan moved as well as my other close friends, I took on the youth group as a solo act, I ended up with a cast on my left hand over Christmas, I lost two of my grandmas and a precious little girl, and I've cried more and hurt more over this past year than I ever have before. But with that pain, also came times of rejoicing as God brought new friends, shown me more fruit in ministry, brought awesome new opportunities, and taught me more in the shadows than I could have ever learned in the sunshine. He taught me about his faithfulness, sovereignty, grace, and mercy to a level I'd yet to experience. Like C.S. Lewis said, "God shouts in our pains". That's been this past year for me. Twenty four will definitely be one for the books and I just hope the lessons I learned will not be forgotten and the pain wasted.

One thing I'm amazed by is that God has it all taken care of. He knew that 24 was going to be a doozy for me. He knew what He wanted to teach me, and how He had to teach it to me since I'm way too stubborn and the only way I seem to learn things is through agonizing physical and emotional pain. I'm not "abnormal" or "behind schedule" in God's plan, He has me where he wants me. The thing I need to realize is that it's the best place to be when you don't know anything of what's going to happen down the road, but you're in a place where you have no choice but to trust Him and surrender completely to His plan and His timing in all areas of your life. And that's exactly what I need to do as I embark on this new year...SURRENDER.

Football and First Corinthians

2011-05-29T02:03:00.002-06:00

A couple of weeks ago I was trying to probe the minds of some of my students for new ideas about how to encourage fellowship and just to kind of give our youth group kind of a shot in the arm and shake things up a bit to rekindle interest and passion in the students. They gave me some really good ideas, and one of them was to have a football (or soccer) match with the kids of the youth group forming their teams. Well, we did it yesterday afternoon. There are a lot of things I need to change the next time I do one of these matches with our youth group, but over all it went really well. The kids played so hard and I was amazed to see the talent of the boys an girls alike. It was really cool getting to have them do something different and do what they love at the same time coming together as brothers and sisters in Christ.

After the soccer game, we had our normal youth group program and continued our series, The Race to Revelation, and this week we were in 1 Corinthians. I don't know if it was because of the soccer or what, but kids just kept coming in during the Bible study and by the end, we had about 50 students at youth group (that's big for us). I definitely struggled trying to only get on slight soapboxes for the sake of time, but honestly between divisions in the church body, immorality, and spiritual gifts I really was giving a teaching on pretty much all of my "pet subjects". The things that the students hear me say over and over again, they werenow able to see for themselves. There were quite a few somber faces as the verses were taught on how we're not to do with believers who continue to live an immoral lifestyle. And then dealing with how we should be able to say "amen" to what others say in the church and how "God is a God of order, not of disorder" was a whole other task to try and not spend too much time on it. I'm so excited so many people ended up coming for that study, now I just pray they continue to come (we had a lot of new students last night).

It was a really cool time of having both fellowship and legit Bible study, and I'm just so stoked to see what God's going to do as we continue getting new ideas and more passionate about the things of Him.

Zeal

2011-05-20T02:55:00.002-06:00

Zeal defined: great energy or enthusiasm in pursuit of a cause or objective. God is good in how He's given me a new amount of zeal for the youth ministry here at CCJ. Due to some events of the past year, the overseeing of the youth group has been placed on my shoulders... ok I should say it fell on my shoulders. I've been doing what I thought was the best that I could, but still felt like I was in a rut in how I tried to make our students into true disciples. The teachings are solidly based on the Word as we are making our way through the whole Bible (this Saturday, we're doing a survey through the book of Romans), our worship team is almost made entirely of students and they're actually doing really well, and we're doing events to encourage fellowship, but again, I just felt like I was missing something. Then it was like God just radically jump started my heart for the ministry, and instead of being a burden of something I "had" to do, it has now become a real burden on my heart to see kids come to know Christ and become His disciples. It's funny because now it's all I think about, I'm thinking even people may be getting sick of hearing me ask for prayer for the youth group each time prayer requests are given, but it's seriously the one thing I'm consumed with these days. Yesterday, I met with some of the youth of the youth group and asked them for some more ideas of what we could do to make it an even better group and encourage more students to come. They offered some awesome ideas, mainly in the fellowship aspect, such as a spoons night, soccer matches, and games to play, but then they also really wanted to do more outreach and go and host youth group on location more. That was really cool to hear them have a desire to do that and now knowing they enjoy doing that, it just gives that much more encouragement to do so.

Yesterday, I realized that there were 17 million people in Uganda under the age of 15... which is very much reflected by our youth group which is about 30 kids and all except for about 5 are between 10 and 15. I'm realizing too that if you don't get a hold of kids here before they're about 15, you pretty much loose them and increase the difficulty of having them be seriously living the life God has called them to. Between both culturally accepted practices (lying, stealing, sex before marriage) and also poor theology (Jesus died so you could have stuff, and it's all about how you feel), the students are inundated with the world and pulled away from what God desires for them, and the students 16 and up seem to really already be set in their ways, although I know the Holy Spirit can get a hold of and correct anything, there's still an added sense of urgency to get the students solid before that point. Right now I feel like I'm holding a crate of eggs and am so afraid that I'll do something to spoil them, that if I do anything in my flesh, give them a poor example, or fail to make the most of this opportunity that I'm just contributing to them not living godly lives. Needless to say I feel like I'm standing in front of a fire hose with all the desires and passion and brokenness I'm feeling for our little youth group, but I guess that's how it should be. Jesus was filled with compassion for the multitudes as they were like sheep without a shepherd, I just pray that I will share in that feeling and that I would listen to God's voice as He shows me how to be a part of a solution to that problem.

Counting the Cost

2011-05-19T09:29:00.002-06:00

On the mission field, you get used to missing out on certain big events in the lives of those who are still back in your home country. You see the pictures of the weddings and the babies, you hear the stories, and you just kind of accept that it's part of life as a missionary. But then there comes the milestones that you miss out on that hurt and you know that if it didn't cost thousands of dollars to go back for that event, you'd be on the first plane. Well, one of those milestones is going to happen tonight as my brother graduates from high school. I sometimes can't believe that I'm not going to be there for this event of his life. My family and I are all very close and so it's just pretty painful to be away for this big event. The main comfort I get is from the verse, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters- yes, even his own life- he cannot be my disciple". The work that God has called me to in following him comes first, there's a time for everything and it's just not the time for me to go back to the States for this. But boy howdy is it tough missing out on this one! Anyways, just thought I'd give y'all a little insight into this little struggle of mine.

If any of you who read this, know my brother Kyle O'Hea, give him a huge hug and tell him "Princess!" He'll know what it means. I love this guy more than words can ever say, and am just so glad I get to see him when he comes to visit me in just about 2 months.

Skeletons

2011-05-13T14:21:00.002-06:00

Skeletons...we've all got at least one or two hiding in the closet, some seem scarier than others, but they're there nonetheless. Soon I'll be turning the big 2-5...dun, dun, dun... and I'll be honest and say that I have a nice menagerie of my own skeletons that not even those closest to me know about, things I've done/said/thought in the past that I know God has forgiven me for, but it's still seared into my memory about what I fell into. But despite how this may have begun, I wrote this to be more of an encouragement than anything. You see, one of my mottos is "Life's too short to have regrets" - now I'm not talking about sky diving or things like that, but what I'm talking about is sin. That little nasty thing that we try to excuse, tolerate, avoid, but still somehow we allow it to stay in our lives. Some people's skeletons come in the shapes of what they've drank, smoked, or done with someone... and God can definitely restore them and has already forgiven them if they just accept that, but the rest of this post is for those who haven't fallen into those things yet.

As I mentioned, I'm turning 25, and it dawned on me the other day, that I'll be 25... never smoked, drank alcohol, been kissed, asked out, and the list can go on. Now, I'm not wanting to seem legalistic, especially on the alcohol front, I have my own reasons other than just the command to "not be drunk with wine" to keep me from doing that. But the others, God has just been so faithful in keeping me from those situations - even though sometimes I wanted to have that temptation in some rebellious way. I'm writing this for all of you out there, who maybe feel like I have at different points in my life where I felt like God is almost making me miss out. I see the pictures, attend the weddings, see the babies and I won't lie that sometimes I've questioned why God has kept some of those things from me. I watch the chick flicks and see the "happily ever after" and wonder when it's coming for me... and then it hits me... 1) God knew what His plan was for me (and you) before I was born and 2) I'm not "broken" and nor should I try and fix the "problem". I don't need to go and "live life", I don't need to throw myself at whoever will give me 5 minutes attention because the bottom line is that I have a loving Father and Savior who loves me so ridiculously much that I can't bear to miss out on what He has made me to do because I'm pursuing what I think I'm "supposed" to do or have. I can state with a clear conscience to the girls I disciple that it's possible to live a life of purity and that you don't want to sell out to what Hollywood or even our friends say is the "norm" and miss out on knowing God in some of the coolest ways. Now, I'm not saying this to pat myself on the back, because it's seriously by the grace of God that He's kept me from these things... because seriously I've wanted the normal high school/college/and now early adult existence, but again and again, He continues to reinforce what has become my theme verse for life that "His ways are not our ways".

So my friends, take heart... be still, live blamelessly, and remember we already have enough skeletons... God's plan for you is so much more stellarly awesome that you could ever dream or imagine if you just SEEK HIM FIRST and stand strong because again, life's too short to have regrets.

First Thing's First Day 3

2011-05-08T13:25:00.004-06:00

This post is a day late because our internet was down... but here we go.

The last day of the conference got off with kind of a hectic start but from 8:30-1:00ish it was non-stop. We had quiet times in the book of Daniel and the kids learned about standing firm and not compromising. Then we had our last worship set, and considering that all but 2 of the worship team were students, I would say they did an awesome job with the worship for this conference. Then I taught on When Jesus Rose, and it was cool getting to bring together what all of the Gospels said about the different facets of the resurrection and the events following. Then it was small groups again, and I have to say that my guys who led the groups again did an amazing job pouring into the kids over the conference. And then it was time for the baptism.

We had 16 kids end up getting baptized. I will honestly tell you that I may or may not have gotten a little teary eyed with some of the kids who I've had the honor of getting to see begin and grow in their walks, be obedient in making this public demonstration of their new life in Christ. One of the kids who got baptized is Benji - Benji is the son of our key translator and he's always kind of done his own thing. He's 9, and although he has his moments, he's an amazing kid who I've seen God do some big things in changing his heart. He was my little right hand man throughout the conference and the words that seemed to constantly be on his lips were "can I help!?" I love that boy, and am so stoked to see what else God is going to do in his life. It's through things like this baptism that God reminds me of what everything's all about. We are to go into all the world and make disciples, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit... and it's cool to get to be a part of that in some small way.

All in all, it was an awesome conference with A LOT of answered prayer. I want to thank everyone who lifted it up in prayer. Only God knows what is going on in the hearts of the students, now just continue to pray that the word fell on good soil, and not on the soil where there are rocks, thorns, or birds waiting to swoop down and take it away. Pray that these kids do grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ, and that they become true followers of Him who are passionate for living for Him alone.

First Thing's First Day 2

2011-05-06T15:18:00.005-06:00

Day two of the youth conference began bright and early as I met with the leaders and we got ready for the day. By 9, the students had taken tea (breakfast) and were having their quiet times in Jeremiah 1. From there the day was pretty much non-stop as Ryan taught on When Jesus "Teached", small group times, presentations-where the students get a chance to perform something, Danielle teaching on When Jesus Prayed, the groups breaking up for times of prayer, and then the "storm" hit.

Now by that point the clouds were looking rather ominous but praise God nothing too serious came of it. The storm I'm talking about is the time span of about 45 minutes where everything seemed to go wrong and my "problem children" were rearing their little heads. I've been fairly good at keeping calm as things don't go exactly according to plan, but I'll admit that when it's several things at once, I get really overwhelmed really fast. The food wasn't ready when it was supposed to be by over 30 minutes, the worship team didn't quite understand what I had been wanting them to do for the next set, some of my volunteers didn't show, and a couple of students put me in not very good positions for me to be the bad guy. In the end after pretty much loosing it, I had to have both Ryan and Bev basically reel me back in. Ryan through prayer and Bev through bringing me lunch and just being absolutely amazing as she set everything up for communion.

From there, we had Bev teach on when Jesus died which was followed by Communion. The plan was for the kids to write down a sin that God's been convicting them of and then they'd put it on our wooden cross and then take communion. It kind of started out crazy as the students didn't quite understand the memo that they needed to take this seriously... but then they got it and it was really cool.

They then had a nice long small group time and then it was time for the games. The first one is what we call "Ebibuzo Time" where it was basically a Bible quiz through the whole Old Testament and really the students knew their stuff. It was awesome. Then we had our messy games which just involved a lot of nasty stuff and me having to do what I tell others to do so needless to say I was really messy and a little nauseous in the end. From there we had a rap concert put on by our worship leader (sounds kind of funny I know), it was an awesome show and the kids loved it! It was then dinner time and clean up.

And that sums up the second day of the conference. I won't lie, the fatigue is kind of starting to hit, but I just have a half a day left... I've got an awesome team and an even more amazing God who is at work, so I just need to remember to trust HIm to the very end and enjoy watching Him work in crazy cool ways.

First Thing's First Day 1

2011-05-05T15:01:00.004-06:00

Well, after a week of God pounding into me that I just needed to chill out and not obsessively plan everything for the conference, it took a very conscious effort to not freak out in the hours before we kicked off the conference. I went to town to just kind of breathe and then it was go time. Benches were brought out, tents set up, worship team was warmed up, and before we knew it, it was go time. By 1:30 we had pretty much our usual kids for youth group and by 2:15, we had about 100 kids.

We began with worship, and then I taught an overview of the Gospels just kind of laying the groundwork for the rest of the conference. I won't lie, it wasn't not the most lively of teachings because 4 Gospels in 45 minutes...well, you get the picture, but at least they hopefully are a little more familiar with those books. Then they broke out into small groups and it seems like always it's in the times of small groups that God really brings a lot of stuff to life, so that was cool.

Also during small groups, we served the kids a snack of popcorn and juice. Now, I know this may seem funny to make a point of, but I was served in such an awesome way today in preparing the snack. Normally it's myself and three other kids (one of which has passed away and another who has moved to the village) all under the age of ten pouring over 100 cups of juice, but today I had a couple of amazing friends take it on and they seriously would yell at me (in a good way) whenever I tried to do anything. Pouring juice... it's funny how that little thing can leave such a mark, but the way that those friends of mine served me in doing that is really something I won't forget. I wish that we all would just look for the simple ways to stoop down and wash one another's feet... it doesn't have to be big, extravagant, or expensive it just simply takes caring about someone enough to see an area they can be served in. It was really too cool.

From small groups, it was then time for Jess to teach and he taught on when Jesus came and his approachability compared to the God Moses spoke to. It was just really a great message to be thinking about our walks with Christ and do we really have a relationship with him? Which was then followed by another small group time.

r

After that, we played a game where a team was blind folded and they had to listen to their team member direct them where to go in order to reach their goal while avoiding "mines" as well as not getting distracted but the leaders who were trying to distract them from hearing the voice they were supposed to. We tied that into the idea of what Jess taught on and how we need to listen for God's voice and not allow the "noise" of this world to keep us from hearing and obeying him.

Finally it was dinner time. It was a little chaotic, but in all we had enough food and right as everyone was going home, the skies opened up and I really don't know the last time I got that soaked in a storm. It was seriously perfect timing though and I'm just so thankful that God waited until then to bring the rain.

So here I am processing the day, staying up a whole lot later than I should... but honestly I'm not tired because I had a really great team who just stepped up and made it where I didn't need to do all that I normally do. God was awesome in how He truly did give me a peace that only comes from Him, and I just look forward to what tomorrow may hold.

Heart Breaking

2011-05-04T06:39:00.002-06:00

Throughout preparation for this conference, I've made it a point to really be on my knees in prayer...prayer for the students, leaders, details, etc... It's sad to think how much I've fallen short on this with previous events. Well, as I've been truly trying to seek God on this event, I've now come to the day before the big day and I could feel myself gravitating towards my usual tendencies of freaking out, taking everything on my own shoulders, having unrealistic expectations for myself and those around me, but then a really cool thing happened, without planning or forethought I found myself in the church in tears as I was crying out to God for this event. It wasn't anything I had anticipated doing, God just seriously brought me there and I had God speaking to my heart about a lot of things and breaking my heart for the students in such a painful and real way that words can't describe it.

Now, although this was a very raw and awesome moment that was between God and myself and I want to keep most of it that way, I wanted to share one big thing that God spoke to my heart about...that schedules and to-do lists don't save people and they don't make disciples. God does give people the gift of administration, and I'm not dogging on that because I praise God that He's given me that gift, but I've become so much of a "Martha" and failed at being concerned about "the better things". I do things not for God's glory, but for mine, and that's bad juju. I'm glad that God showed me this now, but man am I afraid as He tests me to see just how well I've learned it. It's not by might or planning or color coding that students will get saved over this conference, but it's by His Spirit alone and that's what I have GOT to remember as I go through the next couple of days.

Half way through the race

2011-05-01T06:53:00.002-06:00

Well, I guess it's more than half way, but still... Yesterday, in our little youth group we finished going through the Old Testament in a survey fashion. Our series entitled, "Race to Revelation" is meant to teach the students what the Bible has to offer and say outside of the "safer" books. It's to open their eyes that the God of the Old Testament is still just as infinitely loving as New Testament and that His call to holiness wasn't just meant for the Jews, but it's meant for us today. I love getting to hear what my students have learned as we've spent just over a year going through the Old Testament from books that many of them didn't even know existed before then. This next week we're jumping off into the New Testament with our youth conference and it's bitter sweet saying goodbye to the old, because it really was so cool studying it and then teaching it to the students. It probably took years off of my life, I mean I love Ezekiel but studying for and teaching him in one week was intense. But it really was an awesome challenge and now I can have the confidence in knowing that the students know a lot more about Scripture and about their God then they did before and that truly "All scripture is God breathed".

Temper Tantrums

2011-05-01T06:32:00.002-06:00

Being on a compound that's never lacking with small children these days, I've grown accustomed to having to lay down the law on the whole temper tantrum front. One little boy in particular is a pro at throwing them, I mean he wells up and screams and you think he's dying but then you see someone gives him what he's wanting and he stops immediately. One day I was informing him of the error of his ways of how "you can't cry or get upset every time you don't get your way" and it was really almost mid sentence that I had the shocking realization that I struggle with my own temper tantrums. I mean, if I don't get my way... watch out! If you don't give me what I want, say what I want, or do things the way I want them done, well it's over. I feel bad for the people closest to me because they have really seen my fits in full force. I typically am really good (maybe sometimes not so good) at hiding it when I'm around others but then around a few "lucky" people, I throw off all restraints. I may not start screaming and crying, but believe me, you know when I'm upset. It's funny how I talk about my anger around some and they're so surprised, I guess I hide it well, but those closest to me tell a different story. I've recently heard that someone said "well, she'll be mad at me about something anyways, so who cares" (or something like that). Talk about a bit of a blow, it's yet another thing to add to the long list of things God has been showing me this week. I hate that I'm known for always getting upset, angry, etc... and really it all centers around ME... if I'm not happy, if I feel mistreated, if I get offended... Blech! I've gotta get my eyes off of myself, and look to God first and then others, and then seriously remember that "I'm crucified", I'm no more, or at least my flesh is no more.

Whenever I'm talking to the little boy I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I tell him, "Do you see the big boys behaving like this" and "Ok, now stop crying like that and be a big kid". I guess I should take my own advice. I look around at those who are grown up in their faith, and they don't throw a hissy fit when they don't get their way. They're actually really good at rolling with it, and letting stuff just go. Oh if I could only learn this lesson.

Growing up

2011-04-27T03:01:00.002-06:00

Do you remember being a kid and almost every day begging your mom to measure you to see how much you've grown...sometimes doing that a couple of times a day? As children, we were so excited to grow up... to watch what our parent's watched, to get later bed times, to not have to order from the kid's meal, to be able to go on certain rides, etc... The funny thing is that we many times fail to have that excitement about spiritual growth. We are content with the "simple" things, and fail to desire to grow up.

In Hebrews 5, the writer rebukes those he's writing to for how they haven't matured in the ways that they should. That instead of being adults in their spiritual walks, they are still babies. They can't handle meat, but instead can only handle milk. Well... as I was reading that this morning it really did strike me thinking about just how true that is in my own life. I don't yearn to grow like I should, I'm content with such a shallow walk with Christ. He wants me to "know Him more", yet my pursuit of that growth and knowledge has been found wanting. As it says in Hebrews, it's a constant use of God's Word to distinguish what's good and evil and then to become well acquainted with what it means to live a righteous life. I'll be the first to admit that my life is far from righteous a lot of times. It's not just about knowing things, it's about life... and no matter how much I teach that truth, very seldom do I seek to follow it. I guess all this is to say that we/I need to realize that there's so much more God has for us in our walks with Him if we only grew up a little bit.

Tapping Out

2011-04-27T02:26:00.002-06:00

In the world of wrestling, there’s a term called “tapping out” when you either tag someone to come and help you out or you basically say you’re finished (you can blame it on my brothers and “brothers” for how well I know that term). Well, that was the point I was at yesterday where I reached the point where I wished I could in some way “tap out”, where I was empty and had nothing left. The thing is that God, in His sovereignty brought me to that point of submission and exhaustion when there's no one to tag to come and relieve me, there's no way I can throw in the towel and just take a couple of days off. Jess and Bev are gone, and even though they're coming back tomorrow...HALLELUJAH! I had a d day yesterday that was one for the books, one where seriously every little thing could go wrong did and if I could, I seriously would have just ran away. I wish there had been someone to tag and have them come and stand in the gap, to relieve some of the pressure, to fulfill some of the responsibilities, to hear some of the bad news of what was broken or who wasn't there that needed to be, but there wasn't. And the thing I have to keep telling myself is that God knew that I was by myself, He knew there was no one who would come to my "rescue", and that's the way He wanted it. The staff here at CCJ has done a stellar job of stepping up to the plate and working as a real family during this time of the bosses being away, but there are just some things that only I could make the call on or deal with, and all of those things just so happened to have issues or need addressing yesterday morning. The thing is that God does like us to get to the point where we're at the end of ourselves, like Jacob when God wrestled with him, He knows just what to "wrench" in order to bring us to our knees, and He does that when we're alone, when we're isolated, and don't have someone else to hide behind.

All yesterday, I was in the middle of a wrestling match... both with the circumstances and with my flesh. In the midst of struggling with disappointment, putting out fires, etc... I constantly had the verse "Do all things without grumbling or complaining" running through my head, and that I was in sin with that verse alone. Not to mention the verses such as "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger...", "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry", and of course my newest stumbling block, "Be kind and compassionate toward one another, forgiving one another just as in Christ God forgave you". So yeah... needless to say I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually spent and my flesh was warring against my spirit and I could echo Paul's words of "the things I do not want to do, I do".

This morning I'm still nursing my wounds, icing my sore spiritual muscles and trying to pick myself up from yesterday. Recognizing that I did fall into sin with my attitude and that I can blame it on nobody except for myself. Again just remembering that Jesus was tempted in all things, yet still remained sinless... it puts everything into rather harsh perspective. So what if the power and water went off. So what if all of our vehicles had something go wrong with them. So what if people weren't where they were supposed to be or that what we needed wasn't there. So what if people were sick and needed attention. Jesus faced much more strenuous situations, and still showed grace... Oh how I still have so far to go.

Traditions

2011-04-24T13:00:00.005-06:00

Right now, I'm reading about the different things that friends and family did for Easter. You know traditions are a funny thing... I for one grew up with tons of traditions for every major (and not so major) holiday. Things like helping my mom be "santa" or the easter bunny, going on treasure hunts for our "big" presents/easter baskets, having a special breakfast the day of, decorations, etc... Right now I'm reading of people going for sunrise services, dying Easter eggs, and the like and it's just so funny how different things are outside of America when it comes to holidays. I'm learning to adjust and basically make my own traditions here in Africa, it's just not something that I enjoy embracing because I honestly am a traditionalist to the core, but life is more than just what we're accustomed to, things change, and honestly those changes a lot of times help you to remember what things are all about.

For us here at Calvary Chapel Jinja, we begin the weekend with our Good Friday service. It's typically in the early evening and we have worship, a special teaching, and then we carry out a plain wooden cross and put it up on the side of the road for everyone to see. While doing that, everyone's following singing a traditional worship song. It's actually really cool because it's quite an intimate and tangible way to set our minds on the "things above" when many during the weekend are thinking of anything but that.

For Easter, we have one service instead of our usual two, which means that it's packed. This year we had (between kids and adults) well over 200 people come as we remembered what Jesus did in conquering the grave. All of us on staff were up bright and early getting everything set up, and at 9ish the service started :) Oh, one thing fun about this year was that power was off until about 15 minutes before service, we have a generator, but still that was nice little hiccup. We had an awesome extended time of worship, and then Steven taught. We then all left the church and picked up flowers and brought them to the cross we brought out on Friday and put them on the cross to show our new life that we have in Christ and the beauty that the cross brings. It's really quite a powerful visual.

Those are our church traditions. As for me personally, this year I tried to do my best at having the breakfast (although it was only blueberry pancakes). But things are so crazy when you work behind the scenes so the morning was chaotic and even during the service you have to work. But it was cool because before all the madness started, I was able to have a sweet quiet time in the end of Hebrews 4 and being reminded that Jesus came and was tempted in every way yet was still sinless and b/c of that we can boldly come before Him and seek him for his mercy and grace. Needless to say that was one way God helped me to kind of "be still". After the service, it was then time for the rounds of social engagements. It was actually a lot like Christmas was this year as friends allowed us to take part in their festivities. We went and had Chinese food, went to a party to celebrate Easter and this couple's baby being dedicated, then we made an appearance at an orphanage that a lot of the youth group kids stay at. From there we took a little breather, then went to the home of one of our staff members and then headed to have calzones at the home of some more friends. Having Chinese, Ugandan, and "Italian" for Easter is not what I would call your "traditional" easter fare, but it wasn't bad.

Now that this weekend is over, I guess in the midst of the lessons that God is teaching me is that as cliche as it may be, it's all about Him and recognizing and remembering and trying to grasp what He did for us. And as for the traditions, I would have to say that it's not necessarily about what you eat or what you do, but who you're with and rejoicing in sweet fellowship...even if it's over sweet and sour chicken instead of ham

Conflict Resolution

2011-04-17T06:43:00.002-06:00

Oh pre-teens and teenagers. You remember that time? So many emotions, hormones, etc... I've come to realize that 12 and 14 are the same no matter where you're at in the world and I won't lie, sometimes I wonder why on earth God ever called me to youth ministry. Seriously over the past month, I've had to counsel more students than I really care to think about. I'm glad I've had the opportunity, but it definitely puts things in perspective. One thing I can't believe is that until Jethro gave his counsel to Moses, Moses had the entire Israelite community coming to him with their inter-personal problems. I have enough trouble dealing with about 20 students, let alone millions of people...anyways... Dealing with these students got me thinking that what they're dealing with isn't confined to the youth population.

Throughout Scripture we're given guidance about how to deal with people, especially those we don't necessarily "mesh" with. Verses like, "love your enemies", "don't let the sun go down on your anger", "in your anger do not sin", "do unto others what you want them to do to you", etc... You don't even want to know how many times I've referenced those verses, and the thing is that we all still struggle with these things. It may not be in the confines of a school or petty disagreements over a bucket (that's been one of the issues I've had to deal with), but we do get into rifts over "he said/she said", not getting invited to something, or someone talking to us in ways that we don't approve of. The bottom line is that no matter where it is be it the office, our home, school, or even at church, we are all called to live blameless lives, and no matter what is said to us, done to us, or said about us, we still are called to live a holy life. Jesus had terrible things done and said to him, as well as people spreading all sorts of gossip about him, yet, "he opened not his mouth". How? I mean, Jesus had his beard plucked out, was spit upon, lied about and yet He died a sinless man. Yet, we have someone who takes our parking spot or steals our amazing idea, and we can't seem to bring ourselves to avoid falling into sin over such an issue.

I'm not preaching about this, but merely reflecting on what I've had to learn personally in hopes that it may help me to grasp the lesson, and if possible help some of you deal with whatever situations you're dealing with. I'll finish this post with the verse that I think holds some of the best counsel in bite-size form. Some of us have grown up singing the song, and it's definitely something we shouldn't forget, so if the song helps you to remember it, then go for it.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

"First Thing's First"

2011-04-14T03:49:00.003-06:00

As many of you know, every school holiday we put on what we refer to as a youth conference. It's a 3 day event full of teachings, worship, small groups, and games. Last holiday our conference was based off of the book of Nehemiah and we saw a lot of kids really learn a lot and grow. Well... for the past year we've been doing a series in the youth group called Race to Revelation where we do a survey of each book of the Bible (or at least try to) every time we meet. It's been awesome as the students have been getting a taste of what all Scripture really says and in a couple of weeks, we're finishing up the Old Testament just in time for this next conference. So in order to take advantage of the timing and to tie everything together, this conference is going to have the theme of "First Thing's First" and we're going to cover all four of the Gospels. The sessions will be entitled: When Jesus Came, When Jesus Taught, When Jesus Prayed, When Jesus Died, and When Jesus Rose. It won't be exhaustive by any means but again it's about the kids really learning who Jesus is, what He said, and what He did for them. When I was up in the North, it really struck me on how they said they had gone to church their whole lives but didn't really know who Jesus was. I don't want that for my students. And sometimes we can get so caught up in the "other things" that we loose sight of Christ, when He's supposed to be the main thing. The conference is going to be taking place May 5-7 so if you could please just lift it up in prayer and that God would bring the right students and change lives, that would be absolutely fantastic.

Hehehe...woops!

2011-04-13T08:13:00.002-06:00

So here the word "plan" is a four letter word (if you can catch my drift). And there was a certain company who made a "plan" of digging a trench that was about 3 feet deep and a foot wide all down the street that we live on in order to lay a cable for them to have internet. So currently you drive down our beautiful Bell Ave. and you see these mounds of dirt that line this said trench. Well, I didn't really know that the trench was quite as pronounced as it was, and as I was taking the back way to our compound I turned the corner, and there were the mounds of dirt, but until that point that's all that I thought it was... and being that I was in a very sturdy 4 wheel drive SUV, I thought, "this is cake, it's just going over a couple of hills". Well... about mid way of going up the first mound I see that on the other side of the mound was this nice big trench and at that point I and my vehicle went "WHAM!" as the front tires slammed into the trench. I was where a lot of guys were who thought they would offer their services of getting me out of there, but of course I knew their "act of kindness" was not going to be free of charge, and since I was about 100 yards away from the church, I called in for rescue. It just so happens that we've been having a pastor's conference and so in about 5 minutes out of the gate came about 20 pastors and guys in leadership, and no joke it was like they were in slow motion (think Monster's Inc when they're all going to their post). So yes... yet again I was a "damsel in distress", and the guys picked up the front of the car and lifted me out of my little "situation". The good thing is that the car is fine, even the tires don't have anything wrong with them, and I got a couple of bumps but nothing serious (a friend of mine dared me to stay injury free until the end of April so I'm not going to forfeit that now). So praise God it happened where it did and nothing too serious got damaged (both on me and the car). So yes... that's my little anecdote for y'all for the day in my accident prone life.

Rough Edges

2011-04-12T00:32:00.003-06:00

Do you ever meet people and think "there is no way I can be like them"? You see your flaws, you know the areas where you struggle, you see your rough edges and know that you just can't be that meek, mild, gentle, quiet person that you perceive others to be. And for those of you who have ever been on a mission trip before, I can almost guarantee that all of you have experienced the blow after the victory, the time when someone comes along and sticks a pin in your spiritual balloon so to speak. Well, that happened this morning. It was kind of a double whammy because not only was I reminded of my "rough edges"... those areas where I still need work, those areas that make me very far from obtaining that perfection that I so desire, but it also was a big blow after the past week as I'm still reeling from all that God did on our trip to the north. What was even more fun was that it happened early this morning, while I was still finishing my first cup of coffee for the day. Yeah, it was tough... it was kind of like a surprise attack, one where you get hit when you least expect it, but I guess that's why we're always called to dawn our spiritual armor, because it's not like Satan goes, "oh, wait a minute... she's not quite ready for me to bring this her way, let's wait a little bit". No, he likes to slam us when we're least expecting us, when our guard's down. The thing is when things come our way, we have two choices, to allow it to give an opportunity for our flesh, or to learn what lessons it has to teach us about our own sinful nature that's still very near the surface and seek to be refined from the experience. Well... I'm still battling with myself about doing what glorifies God in the situation, and at 7:30 in the morning, my flesh is definitely more at the surface than I would like, but even on tough days when Jesus was tired, He still remained sinless even when faced with "unfair attacks", so I guess I just need to pick myself up, dust myself off and pray that I don't allow my flesh to win this one and allows God's sandpaper to still slowly smooth those rough edges.

A mission trip on the mission field

2011-04-11T13:48:00.004-06:00

Last Tuesday, in the wee small hours of the morning, a team of six of us set out for Pajule in northern Uganda to do evangelism where our old teaching pastor, JB, has just moved to start a church. (Oh and of course part of an added bonus was to see some people who had become like family to me)This trip was definitely one striking out on new frontiers for all of us both personally and for the ministry as a whole. We've never sent out a team to do evangelism that came solely from our church. Our team consisted of Jess, Apollo (one of our village pastors and a really awesome guy), Mukisa (one of our church elders), Opio (the youngin' of the team who's really involved in ministry here), Anne Rose (a young lady who's desiring to be used by God in new ways), and myself. None of us had ever been up that far north (except I think Jess), and none of us had really ever done the type of ministry we were about to embark upon in the capacity we were going to do it. I've been on several mission's trips before, but this one was just different. I didn't lead it, and I was getting stretched just as much as everyone else.

We did two forms of ministry: two outreaches at schools and then just going to different homes and sharing the Gospel with whoever would give us the time to do so. Now, I know this sounds ironic, but I would be the first to admit that I lack the "gift of evangelism" like none other. Give me 1,000 people to teach to, give me a youth group, small group, anything, but put me one-on-one with someone to try and witness to them... well, that's another story. This trip definitely pushed me to be more bold in my sharing of the full on Gospel in personal situations. God is so good because He knows our weaknesses and what it takes to encourage us, and the morning we left, I read this verse in my quiet time, "I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ." (Philemon 6) It was exactly what I needed to hear to give me that right push to do this thing that God was calling us to over the next 5 days.

The ministry was sweet! We all broke up into groups and every time we met back together, we had reports of people coming to faith in Christ. Our group alone was able to pray with several people, and they even came to church on Sunday which I hope indicates some sincerity with those prayers. Some of the people's stories really do break your heart to hear them as the North has really seen so much suffering in the past with the war that had been up there until about 5 years ago. We even stayed in what used to be an IDP (internally displaced persons) camp. Everyone there had religion, but no one really knew Jesus. It just goes to show that following rules isn't enough, Jesus wants you...period. The "rules" and the obedience to them is an expression of our love to him, but His love for us isn't dependent on how many times we go to church or whatever ideas of men we try to weigh people down with.

We had our share of adventure in the heat of Northern Uganda, with nights where you couldn't sleep with any covers and it was so dark you couldn't see your hand in front of your face. The toilets were "squatty potties", the showers were basins, no electricity, and getting water was definitely not as easy as turning a knob. We got to see places that not too many people get to see and we were able to get a little peek into the potential work that can be done for Christ as I don't know if I've ever seen such a strong example of "the harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few". Oh, and one other little adventure was we were able to visit JB's mom and while we were there we met his relative who just had a baby girl three days before and she didn't have a name, and so they asked if I could name her my name... so yeah, that was kind of cool too.

God definitely did teach me a lot on this trip, again both in ministry and how I need to be more bold in sharing with the lost, and then also personally how I need to submit and not always take control and also how I need to show grace to people even when they rub me the wrong way. The bottom line is that God did some awesome work while we were up there, and I'm just humbled that we were able to be a part of it and get a glimpse of what He has in store for the town of Pajule. I just now ask that you would please life up JB in prayer as he leads this new church filled with very blank canvases of people who are hungry and know nothing about who their God really is as well as pray for all of those who prayed to receive Jesus as their Savior.

If I have one thing to leave you all with, it would be this... the Gospel isn't culture nor is it religion, it's Truth. Jesus is THE way, THE truth, and THE life, it doesn't matter if you live in New York City, Phoenix, Albuquerque, or even a little village in the middle of Africa... we all need Jesus and the life that we have through Him and Him alone.

Self-Control

2011-03-30T13:38:00.002-06:00

Here's a question for you: what is self-control? I mean, yes, it can be something as simple as not finishing off a whole pie in one sitting, but what is it really? In my quiet times, I've been making my way through the sweet little book of Titus. In these mere three chapters, Paul tries to encourage his padawan in how to lead the church on the island of Cyprus. I just finished chapter 2 and in that chapter, Paul tells Titus to teach the older men to be SELF-CONTROLLED, to raise up the older women so they can train the younger ones to be SELF-CONTROLLED, he to encourage the young men to be SELF-CONTROLLED and finally he talks of how God's grace teaches us to live SELF-CONTROLLED lives.

Now, when you read any part of Scripture one of the biggest rules is that when you see something repeated, you may want to take notice...and needless to say this got my attention. I didn't necessarily think that I struggled with "self-control" per se, but I think it's because I was only thinking of it in a very limited way, but it really is defined controlling your emotions or desires especially in difficult situations. So yeah, I've come to realize that self-control isn't just dealing with small shallow things, but really it's at the base of living a godly life and being obedient to God's Word... this self-control plays into whether or not we do not sin in our anger, allow any unwholesome word to come out of our mouths, honor our parents, or are anxious for nothing....and the list goes on. In Romans 7:7, Paul talks about that it was by his learning what the law said about coveting that he began to have "every kind of covetous desire". I guess that's in a way where I'm at with this self-control thing, that it's really amazing how much of a failure I am at displaying that in my life right now. I guess that's yet another thing to chalk up to support "All Scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, REBUKING, correcting, and training in righteousness".

One LONG day

2011-03-29T13:37:00.003-06:00

So this morning started out super fantasically (I may or may not be saying that sarcastically). I woke up at 3:30 to say goodbye to yet another friend as he headed back to the States with out any definite plan (although the desire's there) to come back here. After saying goodbye at 4, I tried to go back to sleep, but to no avail...so I skyped with my fam, had my quiet time, and then went to help with breakfast because we have a team of 10 right now staying here. After breakfast came and went, I went and picked up my legit Ugandan driving permit. And then spent time studying and trying to get other stuff checked off my to do list. I tried to meet with one of my one-on-one discipleship people, but her work detained her, so I came home and studied some more. As I was studying, a certain little girl decided it would be fun to practice her screaming skills and I seriously thought I was going to blow a gasket - 3:30 and I don't make for a very good match, that's for sure. So then I headed off to teach at Jinja SS, and that's where the day starts actually looking up.

I got to Jinja SS, and the kids were late getting there. It's been so cool though with the Bible study there though because it used to just be a few of my guys who came every week, I loved having it be a small group, but then last Friday, that all changed. My boys' friends decided they wanted to come too, so needless to say our number is hanging out at around 20 now (not that numbers mean everything, but I won't lie, it's been quite the encouragement). They all got to the study and we went through Acts 4:23-31 where it's the believer's praying about the threats that Peter and John received. Prayer here, is basically very one-sided with people either screaming, demanding things of God, or just babbling without any real substance. As we finished, they had a lot of questions, and it was just too cool to get to address the issues head on, like What about those who are 'born-agains' who scream all the time? - I was able to scripturally show that what they were doing was bad juju. They asked about what if someone prays to God and also practices witchcraft. They asked about the verse saying that woman must always have a covered head. And then this one kid asked a doozy... "I go for prayers on Sunday, but then I also go and pray at the mosque on Fridays. What does God think about that? " It was a bit like you could hear the brakes screeching as I realized that I had to pick my words wisely. His family is Muslim, but his friends are Christians. And here, with many families, if you get saved and were previously a muslim, you are seriously disowned. We talked about things for a while and I found out later that one of my guys asked him if he would like to accept Christ and he kind of wanted to, but was still kind of hesitant. He's come to the Bible study the past two times, so needless to say, some prayer would be pretty awesome for this kid, I think his name is Rogae, but I'm not 100%, but at least we have a Father who knows His kids names even if we get them wrong.

As I was still on a high from that, I came home and was able to go straight into our newest ministry called "The Upper Room". It's basically our prayer ministry, with a super cool twist where there's worship and some informal Bible study/discussion. I actually love it, and so going from all that happened at the school to that was pretty sweet.

Now, of course though, I get home and waiting for me is an e-mail saying that I owe taxes, even though I've been making payments. Let's just say self-employment tax is for the birds. Talk about a bummer... but pay to Caesar right? I know God will provide, but yeah... The funny thing is that part of the teaching today was how the believers responded in prayer right away to the situation and we should be doing the same, and did I do that? NOOOOO..... I freaked out. I guess I could blame it on the 3:30 thing, but still that was no excuse. So yep, that's another prayer request for you :)

Finally, I'm sitting here, and I've officially been up for 19 1/2 hours. And I'm realizing just what a not-so-happy-camper I am when I'm sleep deprived. I mean talk about having your flesh exposed. I was not a very patient, selfless, or kind person today. But praise God for how He still desires to use us, even on our bad days. I know the good, the bad, and the ugly of the day are all a part of His plan. I just need to "Let go and let God"... and really just ... SLEEP!!!!! :)

St. Patrick's Day

2011-03-18T13:50:00.002-06:00

So what happens when you put a girl who has her blood flowing green in the heart of Uganda and March 17 rolls around? Well, let's just say you'll get 100 green balloons scattered around the house, some of the best corned beef you've ever had (made seriously from scratch - no spice pack or anything), two pots of cabbage, a ton of potatoes, green cherry cheesecake, and a green fruit punch with ice cream. Not to mention the variety of green apparel that said girl dons or the various other accessories that are provided for those around her.

This past St. Patrick's Day was really so much fun. Although I don't remember any not fun St. Patrick's Days come to think of it. With all of the awesome people surrounding me, it's amazing to think that almost none of them have ever really celebrated St. Patrick's day. It's always crazy when I hear people even go so far as to forget about this awesome holiday. In my family in ABQ, It goes Christmas, Easter, then St. Patrick's day. We seriously go all out with leprechaun hunts, silly string, hair dye, I mean the works. Considering that "everyone's Irish on St. Patrick's Day" I decided to give my friends here a little taste of the fun that St. Patrick's Day. Everyone here was such an awesome sport! Our staff wore green, I had some awesome help in the kitchen, and when the party came I was surrounded by some of the most awesome people who allowed their little Irish friend to have a little taste of home even if she's 8,000 miles away from her family as they celebrate. God answered prayers and everything turned out perfectly. It really was a blast!

Ouch!

2011-03-15T06:16:00.002-06:00

Hebrews 4:12 says,

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow. it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

Well...let's just say I experienced that sharp penetrating pain of His Word today as I met with someone for a Bible study. I've been having a battle with my flesh for the past 24 hours or so as I had to deal with a big bummer of a situation with a friend of mine. I felt hurt, disappointed, and very angry at the person and have been harboring that anger in a very real way. When I get upset, I know that my tendency is to say things that I regret later so in order to prevent the need for future damage control, I just don't talk to that person. For a time that might be wise, but in the end let's be honest, it's pure manipulation and not helping the problem at all. Well, this morning after I already sinned by allowing the sun to go down on my anger, I woke up with still such anger in my heart, then this morning all I could do was pray about the situation and it was really just centered around that person learning their lesson... of course I threw in a couple of things like "please help me to deal with this in a way that glorifies You" and "please help me to not sin in my anger" (I had already blown that one) but really my prayer was rather one sided. The day progressed and I couldn't bring myself to talk to that person despite the fact that the counsel I was getting started with my mom saying not to make them feel worse than they do already (she knows what the nasty way I can be when I'm upset), and then to Bev telling me to just basically let it go (which I really didn't want to hear) and it kind of started to hit me that I needed to die to myself. But being the stubborn girl that I am, I still didn't want to let go of my anger because well... it just really wasn't fair... I mean, why do I have to be the one to do it? I was the one who was wronged, and yada yada yada... Then came the Bible study I mentioned at the beginning.

We are going through the book of Ephesians and were in chapter 2 today and in verse 4 it says, "But because of His great LOVE for us, God, who is rich in MERCY," and as I began to explain the verse, the words came out "If you really love someone you'll show them mer....cy..." I honestly could almost feel the pain in my side as I said those words as God's sword struck me. I still am hurting from it. Mercy is not giving someone what they do deserve... it's forgiveness, it's letting go, it's dying to self even when you're the one who was hurt. Boy oh boy, am I reeling from this one. Jesus has shown me such amazing mercy, I deserve His wrath, yet He loves me and has saved me. That brings me back to the prayer I prayed this morning about glorifying God in how I deal with it all. To glorify God is in a way to show Him, to reflect His nature... and our God truly is rich in mercy and if I want to be obedient to Him and not fall into any more sin than I already have through all of this I need to show His mercy, which can not come from me but only with His help. In James 4:17 it says, "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins". So needless to say I'm still nursing the beating that I received today, but I don't think I'll forget this lesson any time soon.

One week

2011-03-07T11:52:00.002-07:00

It's been one week since I said goodbye to a precious 3 year old as she moved away
It's been one week since I received the phone call that I lost an amazing 9 year old little friend
It's been one week since I sat on the floor of a hospital room with my "family" silently crying
It's been one week since I spent the night holding a mother grieving over the loss of her child
It's been one week since I told my kids that they lost their best friend
It's been one week since I saw my church display the body of Christ in the most powerful of ways
It's been one week since I began to feel a pain I didn't know was possible
It's been one week since I started to know God's comfort in ways I had never experienced before

Time... people say how it heals all wounds. I have to say that after one week, the scab is beginning to form, but pain is still there. I know that there will always be a scar from this past week, especially on February 28th. But it's in times like this that you can realize the truth of "Sorrow may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning".

It's been interesting dealing with everyone's different forms of grief over the past week, including my own. I've never had to deal with a loss like the one of Nazziwa. People talk of their different coping mechanisms but really I've never had to have one until now (at least not in this capacity). Some people like to clean, work, cry, be alone, be with people, I guess my biggest thing is just how I'm learning that I need to talk about it. Not necessarily get any sort of advice, but just to kind of walk through it all, the last moments, the good times, the dealing with everything immediately after... I talk about it now without really crying because honestly the reality still hasn't fully hit me I don't think. I still keep thinking I'm going to see her come and play with her friends, I'll hear her little laugh on my porch, I'll sit with her and talk about life.

The good thing is that God has truly answered so many people's prayers. The comfort is definitely coming and God has brought some very powerful lessons my way over this past week. God is definitely still a good God, and more than that He's our Sovereign Lord who continues to have everything in His hands. I'm now able to more than ever attest to that fact. I'm not just merely sending out empty words that I've in no way experienced but I've been able to know the truth of them in the deepest of ways. I thank God and rejoice not in the things that brought the pain, but what is coming from it. I'll end this with a line from a song that was part of our worship on Sunday, "In the chaos, in confusion, I know you're sovereign still..." It's not for me to understand the "why", but to simply just trust Him.

Picking up the pieces

2011-03-02T07:25:00.002-07:00

Yesterday was one of the longest days ever... After not really sleeping the night after we heard the news about Nazziwa, I began to go into ministry mode. I had to be the one to tell most of our kids around the compound about Nazziwa passing away, over and over I had to say those awful words and hear the exclamations of surprise and sorrow. Knowing how to comfort and minister to someone during this time is hard enough, but when they're kids who have never had to deal with something like this before, it adds a whole new element. One of the most hart-wrenching times for me was when Nazziwa's little coffin was in the church and her friends (Peace, Awi, Joy, and Ruthie) decided it was time to go in there and see it for the first time. Gathered there with my girls was just so hard as I heard their little sobs and wished that I had arms that were six feet long so that I could wrap them around all of them at one time. Then we went to the village of Nazziwa's family for the burial, and we all were pretty stoic for the most part until they brought the casket out and lowered it in the ground and as everyone else had left the grave-side I was still there with my kids watching in disbelief that Nazziwa was there and wasn't coming back. These kids are all under the age of 13, and just seeing how their minds were just trying to process everything was so hard. One of her best friends was Moses...Moses has the most amazing personality and he and Nazziwa were so cute together. I had to be the one to tell him that his best friend had died that morning, and then that afternoon, I stood alone with him looking at the grave and then just taking his head in my hands and tried to convey to him how special he was in her life.

Yesterday, God gave me the strength to be strong for others, to be the shoulder someone else cried on... Today that strength seems to be gone, and my own personal struggles with the situation are hitting me. But I know that I still need to be that rock for my kids, so I just ask for your prayers that I would know how to deal with all of this, both personally and with my kids. This is seriously something that's harder than anything I've ever had to deal with before.

No words...

2011-02-28T19:52:00.003-07:00

How do you tell someone their sister or best friend has died? How can you comfort a mom who just lost her precious adopted daughter? What do you say to a church family who was already in grieving that they have suffered yet another loss...and this person you won't get to visit on a road trip?

Last night while my cheeks were still wet with tears from the thought of Aryanna having moved away, I got a call from Bev telling me that "we lost Nazziwa". I couldn't believe it, I still can't. The tears come but then I keep thinking this isn't really happening, that maybe this is a dream. Ryan and I jumped in the truck for a silent drive to the clinic while Jess and Bev took another vehicle in order to transport everyone, including little miss Nazziwa. I'll never forget going into that hospital room and seeing her mom in such sorrow over the loss of her precious daughter. I'll never forget sitting on the floor and crying with my "family". And I'll never forget seeing how the church showed itself to be a body as they stepped up to care for this mom and deal with the loss of our Nazziwa. It reminds me of the white blood cells, that when something goes wrong or there's an injury, they go into over drive...that's our church. Even right now, we have guys who slept on the benches in the church in order to be around for this time. I spent last night holding Nazziwa's adoptive mother and just laying next to her while she slept. I've never seen someone in that much grief. Another first is I've never had to tell someone that they love has passed away... I had to do that twice in the past 8 hours and both times to kids. I mean really...what do you say? Again... there's just no words.

The key comfort we have is knowing that our girl is no longer in the pain that she used to be in. But our hearts still ache and grieve. I can still hear her little laugh, her exasperated little pleas of "K..e..l...l..i.." when either I or someone else was tickling her. Oh how I miss that baby girl!!!!!

Pain

2011-02-28T12:34:00.002-07:00

Pain...many times we identify with it the most when it's the physical kind...but more than a broken bone or cut or a scrape or sickness, the pain that seems to be the worst is when it's your heart that hurts. As I'm writing this, I'm wishing I could convey to whoever may be out there reading this the pain that's in my heart right now. Our poor compound family has had a really tough weekend. And we're all pretty much at a loss of how hard things have been over the past couple of days. Don't get me wrong, we know God is sovereign and knows what He's doing, but the fact that it's all happening at once is pretty killer.

The first thing that we're dealing with is finally saying goodbye to JB and his family. Over the past couple of weeks his three oldest kids have already gone because of school, but it was JB, his wife Grace, and the two smallest ones - Aryanna and Zoph - who left us this weekend. We had a party for JB on Saturday that I think went really well and I hope that family felt the love that we all have for them. Then yesterday afternoon we all were a part of the massive load up of everything to be moved. Then by 6:30 JB headed out to his new home in Pajule while his wife and babies waited until this afternoon to go because they were able to ride with a missionary instead of on a moving truck. Hearing JB teach his last sermon and saying goodbye to our "Baba" was so hard as he has been a constant on this compound for so long.

I was very close to JB and Grace, but it was their 3 1/2 year old, Aryanna, whose leaving is really doing me in right now. See, a thing I commonly tell people is that "I don't believe in small children", I know that sounds terrible, but I just don't handle them very well and basically treat every kid like they're 30. Ever since I came here 2 1/2 years ago, Aryanna has been the exception to that. You can ask anyone, that little girl is so unbelievably bright! She and I would have more intelligent conversations than I have with some adults :). She is precious and jam packed with awesome personality. She and I would both refer to each other as one another's best friends. I seriously would tell people that my best friend is a 3 year old, we seriously have such a special bond. She was my buddy to run errands with and just hang around with. I loved getting to yell up to her, "Baby Gallow!" and hear her precious little voice from upstairs go, "Yes!?" And then to hear her say, "Kelli, Kelli, Kelli..." in that same voice. She had the best manners and I could seriously go on and on about that kid. This morning as I was having my quiet time I started to hear her singing from upstairs and I went up there and she said how she had been looking for me. We ended up spending pretty much the whole day together after that. We read books, painted nails, colored, and just hung out. I was actually surprised that I kept it together that whole time (to God be all the glory on that one!). Finally, when it came time to say goodbye to her I broke... crouching down and telling her how much I loved her and asking her my favorite question of "who loves you?" and her response every time is "Kelli". Oh man... the pain.

To add to that already deep pain, my other girl who is yet another one of those one in a billion kinds of kids, Nazziwa, has been in the hospital for two days. This morning while I was with Aryanna I was informed that she may not make it. Her fever was just too high and she was showing no real improvement after a night full of treatment and her whole body was stiff. This little girl is seriously the strongest most amazing kid you'll ever meet. She's struggled her whole life with pain and sickness, she experiences pain that none of us could dream of bearing. She is 9 (her 10th birthday is on Wednesday) and her little arms are seriously as big as two of my fingers. She's got fire though and you can see her fighting when you see her in the hospital. She's doing better tonight than she was this morning but it's still touch and go. Knowing that girl could be going Home causes yet another element of the pain that was already in my heart.

I'll admit it's a challenge right now to not get overwhelmed by the pain and the questions as to "why?". It's hard not to have the knee-jerk reaction of just putting up a very big wall and keep myself from getting close to anyone. It's hard remembering God's promises of His faithfulness in times when you can do absolutely nothing to help the feelings of pain and loneliness. It's hard to remember that this too shall pass and that this is just bringing me into a closer relationship with Christ. I guess that's where I need to lean on that one big promise that "Even when we are faithless, He is faithful". But I'll be the first to tell you... it hurts and if this was all going down and I didn't have His promises and even the hope of how He's in control, I don't think I could deal with this... seriously... At least I can remember that He sees the tears, hears the prayers, and knows the pain.

What a day!

2011-02-25T08:02:00.002-07:00

Well, for the past couple of days I have been feeling rather tired and I guess the best way to describe it is "off". You know when you just feel like something's wrong. Well, being that I was a rather tired individual, last night I desperately wanted a good night of sleep as I knew today and the rest of the weekend would be a bit of a doozy. But, as luck would have it, last night I couldn't sleep at all. I woke up this morning anticipating a long day ahead but little did I know just how long. We have a saying here in Uganda that basically "nothing's ever easy" and that could define the day. First I went to breakfast and the eggs weren't there so we waited for those to come for a while. Then while waiting I thought I'd go to this one shop that was on my to-do list for the day and they weren't open. Then I went to where you get your driving permit and waited for over an hour and even during that they had to keep re-doing everything and let's just say the people there weren't in a very good mood. Then... I went to lunch at a friend's house and it was then that I started to feel like I was run over by a school bus. I went into town to get tested for Malaria and it turns out that I was positive. Went to run to the grocery store and at the police station they were getting for the onset of another riot so we got out of there. Came back home and watched a movie, and now it's go time with setting up for saying goodbye to JB and his family and the timing couldn't be more "perfect" for me feeling the way that I do.

I've been dreading this weekend for months (even years). Ever since I heard JB was planning on moving back home to plant a church in his village, I knew the day for goodbyes would come. I just can't believer the day is almost upon us. Tomorrow afternoon, we're having a huge shin-dig to say goodbye to JB and his family and to celebrate the past 13 years they have been a part of this church family. And it just so happens that I'm slotted to be the MC, so needless to say having Malaria doesn't quite fit in with the "plan".

To describe Malaria to you all who have never experienced this glorious little parasite, let me try to explain it to you. You're living life, and then you start to get really tired, you feel a head ache you don't normally have, and you kind of have aches and pains off and on, and then one day it's like "WHAM!". All of a sudden you feel like you've been flattened to the ground with a fever, your stomach in knots, and you can't think straight. (Of course all of this depends on how advanced it is). Needless to say, that's how I feel now. And as the medication makes its way through my body and poisons those nasty little things the feeling gets worse before it gets better.

The thing I have to remind myself of through all of this, is that none of this is taking God by surprise. It's not like He's saying "Oh no! Not Malaria! Not now!!!" He knows what's going down, He knows how much of a struggle I'm already having with this upcoming weekend, and He knows how this Malaria is going to hit me. I guess I just have to figure out how much I should be resting and also just how much I should be kind of dying to self so to speak and suck it up for this weekend as I know we're all having a tough time and have a whole lot to do. Boy oh boy... I guess it's true, it really never is easy. But at least I serve a God who knows it all and can handle it all and that in my weakness, His strength can truly show.

Elections: The Day After

2011-02-19T12:26:00.003-07:00

Well, after another quiet night, we all were a bit stir crazy and so Bev, Kathy, and I braved the streets and went to the gym. There was life on the streets and it was't too "wild westesque". People were starting to open shops up again and get back to work. I went over to a friend's house who lives near by in order to get over a little bit of the cabin fever which actually isn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. It's nice to kind of get back to life.

Because the polls indicate that our current president has a MASSIVE lead over all of his opponents combined, most anticipate the fall out won't be too bad in the coming days or at least that's what we hope. On the news, it shows that the two key "other" candidates for president aren't going to go down without a fight, and so come tomorrow night at 5, the calm we've been experiencing may get shaken up a little bit. You see, at 5 tomorrow is when the results will be officially announced and when that happens who knows what'll take place. The good thing is that the region that Jinja is in is typically one where people don't like to get too excited over things, and so let's hope that's the case. But we still ask for prayers now not only for us but for the people especially in Kampala, Uganda's capital, as the potential for violence there is exponentially greater than it is here no matter really who wins. I know this is a funny prayer request, but rain here pretty much paralyzes things and so if it rains tomorrow night, that could severely dampen the probability for bad ju ju to go down... so needless to say, you might want to pray for rain (plus it's just way too hot here these days anyway). Thank you all for your prayers, and know they're being answered more than you realize.

Elections: The Day Of

2011-02-18T12:37:00.002-07:00

Well, I couldn’t get to sleep last night until around 2, I guess just because I was kind of psyching myself out a little bit. This morning, and really the whole day for the most part, was really eerily quiet. It was kind of like everyone was holding their breath. I was able to start my day as usual with my coffee and my quiet time. Then made some pancakes and got started on a rather productive little shut in day. I did some serious spring cleaning in my house which I haven’t done but needed to for a long time. I was also able to bake some cookies, watch some TV a la iTunes, and watch a couple of movies. Hey, if life gives ya lemons... It’s so weird because we’re here and it’s not like a lot of chaos has really ensued in Jinja. Our staff who went out to vote said that it was so calm and that nobody was out. Bev and I were talking today about how Jinja seems to be the perfect place to be as it’s big enough to have a military presence to keep the peace, but we’re small enough that things are containable.

In the midst of the other things I did today, we sporadically had on the news station. To try and convey what the news is like here… well, there aren’t words. To have the news anchor not be able to get numbers right or to hear cell phones constantly going off makes watching the news rather entertaining. As the results begin to come in though, things could get more interesting, but for now prayers are being answered BIG TIME. It’s absolutely amazing how calm it’s been, let’s just pray it continues this way.

Elections: The Day Before

2011-02-17T13:45:00.003-07:00

So right now, I'm sitting in the guest room of Jess and Bev's house enjoying the fact that we still have electricity, internet, and our phones are still calling out. There may be a couple of questions going through your mind right now regarding that sentence and I'll try to explain:

1) Why am I at Jess and Bev's? - Tomorrow is election day. Campaigning in Uganda, especially on the last day before votes are made involve some candidates being so kind as to give out free beer in order to "encourage" voting for them. The potential for mayhem is there, and due to me being a very big chicken and knowing that even if I hear a "normal" noise I will most likely freak out, I'm camping out here.

2) Why would the internet/phones/electricity not be working? - In order to try and curb some of the plans of people who would like to cause trouble we were warned that all of those things could go out before the elections.

Now, this is the day before elections and I thought I would try and do my best to convey to you all who are not in the lovely "Pearl of Africa" what all unfolds with this potentially rather intense time in Uganda's history. For months (even in some cases years) most conversations centered around the elections as the country would vote again for various offices, but especially for the president. Our current president has been in office for 25 years and many people are desiring change, although in my opinion none of his opposition would be successful in bringing that even if they did win. Because he's been in office so long, and the uprisings in Egypt and Tunisia have just gone down, there is a lot of talk of that to happen here, although Uganda is a lot more stable than either of those countries.

One thing that our president is very good at doing is launching the military in full force to the more largely populated areas so that riots don't start. A week ago, we heard a couple of very large booms, looked out and after a little delay saw flares that were shot up into the sky. We found out the next day that they were from the military basically announcing their presence in Jinja and to warn people not to try anything. We see trucks of soldiers and lines of soldiers marching down the streets, and you can't help but be in awe over the organization of it all. Tomorrow, as Ugandans go to the polls, they have a tough decision to make 1) does their vote even really count since there have been allegations in previous elections that votes aren't accurately counted, 2) Who is the best man for the job and 3) Who would be the one to win that would bring the country the least amount of unrest in the days/weeks/months following.

In order to take caution for what could happen, businesses are shut down, schools are closed, and people are even going on lock-down in their homes/compounds. And we're actually taking the lock-down approach as well. At lunch, we sent our employees home and by seven our gate was locked. Tomorrow the gate will remained lock for the day. None of us (unless our staff goes to vote) are allowed to leave the compound, and that may continue into Saturday and even potentially after that depending on how everything goes down. Everyone's basically stocked up on food and supplies, has escape routs planned, and is making the most of time to communicate with people so they don't worry.

I'm not informing everyone of these things to make you think that we're in a war-zone with bullets flying by, because right now it's literally silent outside of my window. I'm just asking that you all would lift our little country (which is the size of Oregon) into prayer. A lot of chaos could come from this election if people react in their pride and anger. Please pray for peaceful and fair elections, for our country to accept whatever the results may be, and that even after the elections the losers wouldn't try to stir up any problems. This is definitely going to be interesting and I'll do my best to keep everyone posted.

Amazingness!!!!

2011-02-16T12:21:00.002-07:00

One of the most common things I get made fun of for is the fact that I never really complete sentences. Many times I communicate what I'm trying to say and there may not have been a subject, verb, or conjunction but somehow people know what I mean and then I just spice it up even more when I add in various sound effects. Now, I'm normally bad at doing this just in everyday situations, but when I get really excited about something, it's hyped up to a whole new level. That's what pretty much went down tonight.

My afternoon was progressing rather nicely as I decided to finally bite the bullet and start reading the book of Ezekiel to prepare for youth group in a couple of weeks. This book is always one that made me cringe as I looked at it as the huge speed bump that kept me from finishing the Old Testament, but this time it was different. As I began to read even in chapter one I seriously was just astounded at the way God's glory is described (or attempted to be described). Looking at the different symbolism of what each thing means about God's character and just the power and the lightening, and just...wow! Now, I was already tripping out over that and being in awe of it all, when we had our mid-week Bible study in the book of Revelation. And it "just so happens" that the passage taught was Revelation 4:2-11. Oh my fling flangin goodness!!!!! If you were to take Ezekiel 1 and Revelation 4, you'd be in shock, then to put in a dash of Isaiah 6, and you're officially on your way into overload about realizing just a little bit more how awesome our God truly is. One thing that you see and that I learned about today was how if you look at it all, it's about Him being at the center of it all. And the passage from Revelation really drives home the "throne" and it's God who's on it, not me. We read about how Moses desired to see God's glory and yet only could see the back of Him because you can't see God and live, you read about how we're going to get heavenly bodies so that we can handle His awesome glory. But we take His glory so lightly, we take everything about Him too lightly. Our God is not the "big man upstairs", He's not our "homeboy". He is God Almighty, Creator, Savior, Holy, Loving, Awesome, Jealous, Merciful, and the list goes on.... If only we all (me included) get a better grasp on the God we serve and realize even if it's just a little bit more how awesome He really is then that far surpasses anything any amount of money can by.

My friends, we serve one AMAZING God. Is He on the throne of your life? Is He at the center of your life? Or is He just an after thought or a supporting roll in the "Me show"? He's awesome and He needs to and deserves to be the one in whom we "live and move and have our being".

Confession time

2011-02-14T12:14:00.005-07:00

Clumsy - 1) Awkward in movement or handling of things, 2) done awkwardly or without skill or elegance

Ok, now that you have the official definition, you are now able to take the rest of this in context. I'm so much officially the clumsiest person I know. I mean it's not even funny (well, to the people around me it might be, but to me it's not). One of my all time favorite movies is Hitch with Will Smith because of how clumsy Albert is just rings true in my life so much! Even the people who watch it while in the same room as me frequently say statements like "Hey Kelli, he's like you!" The fact of the matter is no matter how hard I try, I always end up dropping, spilling, or making a mess of something, and that's not to mention the whole injury factor. I really do try to be careful, like really really try, but even then stuff just happens.

Today I was getting in touch with my creative side and I started out doing alright, but by the end of the time I was covered in oil paint (I even got some on my face and computer - don't ask how that happened because I don't know). I then had to call in my trusty WD-40 to come to my rescue and I'm good now. But then even while I was making our ascari (night guard)'s tea tonight (this was pre-WD-40) - I had fingerprints everywhere, spilled the water and milk and I hope I cleaned it all up (I think I did). And that was just the events of one night! Ughh! Sometimes I seriously don't know what to do with myself, I seriously fit the definition of "clumsy" to a T. I guess I just can send this out as a warning that if you don't want to have something broken, spilled, or a mess to be made then I'm probably not the right person for the job. I guess it's just another one of my many "quirks" that God uses to humble me, but man oh man is it annoying sometimes!

A holding pattern

2011-02-10T12:34:00.002-07:00

When I was little and making countless flights to LA for doctors appointments, I distinctly remember one time when we were getting fairly close to our final destination, when low and behold the captain gets on the speaker and says "Ladies and gentlemen, due to delays on the runway, we will need to circle the area until we have a place to land". Now even though the flight to LA was just a mere hour and a half, and an extra half an hour wasn't going to kill me, it was the whole expectation of finally reaching my destination that was hurt with that little announcement. Oh, and just for added fun, the location we were flying in circles over was Death Valley...hmmm...

Now, it is that very story that I can most clearly explain how I kind of see life right now: a holding pattern, flying in circles, so close yet so far. You think that you see light at the end of the tunnel, that the sun is peeking through the clouds, and then you come to realize the light was a train or the sun was just merely the eye of the storm. I kind of keep expecting this season of pruning to finish at some point but just when I think it's almost over the "Captain" pulls up and we're off again going through yet another turbulent season. Right now, I'm honestly so exhausted I can hardly move, I feel like in my little drama queen mind that the weight of the world is on my shoulders (even though I know that's a slight exaggeration). It's funny though because during this time, I'm realizing how much more raw my prayer life is, how much more real God's promises are, and how much more I am witnessing God's hand work in my life even if it's just someone randomly giving me an awesome hug and they had no idea just how much I needed it, but God did.

All in all, this season of flying in circles is exhausting but I rejoice in how much God continues to reveal to me through it. God is truly good...all the time.

A little history

2011-02-02T06:37:00.008-07:00

So... today I was having coffee with a friend of mine, and I was kind of giving her a bit of my testimony and she thanked me for sharing it with her. I was thinking about how there's a big part of my testimony that I kind of keep under wraps or don't go into too much detail about, but think that it may be about time to at least shed a little light on some of how God has gotten a hold of me. Mainly in the physical aspect.

For people who have seen me for any period of time will most likely notice I either walk on my toe or walk with somewhat of a limp and it's that limp (and the circumstances surrounding it), that has been probably THE number one thing that God has used in my life to bring me to who I am today. You see, when I was born it ended up that my entire left side was shorter than my right side or in some way smaller - left eye, left hand, arm, leg, foot... I know saying this, y'all will probably take too much notice of those differences but hey, I need to learn how to embrace what God's done in me. Well, when I was one and trying to walk, I just couldn't (haha, I guess not a lot has changed now that I think about it :)) and so my parents brought me to the doctor and my left leg was significantly shorter than my right. So they got my little baby shoes and put a lift on the left one and I was able to be a "normal" kid. But little by little the difference got more and more significant and before long my "case" was referred to the Shriner's Hospital in Los Angeles. I have awesome memories of partaking in Southwest Airlines, being picked up by the little guys in white suits and getting in the van and either going to the hotel or hospital with either my mama or daddy depending on who was able to go that time. Those visits continued and when I was in 6th grade, the plan was made for me to have a rather intense operation that involved two parts: 1) my left femur was to be broken and an external fixator was to be attached with six pens into that femur and I was to lengthen it with a little wrench a millimeter a day for a period of about four months 2) In order to help me walk somewhat normally they also were going to snap my Achilles tendon. So, in January of I guess it was 1997, my parents took me to Disney Land and then I was under the knife. When I woke up the pain wasn't from my femur but actually from the Achilles tendon...oh my gosh did that hurt!!!! I was in the hospital for about 2 weeks and dying to come back to ABQ. After 6 weeks, the cast came off of my foot, but the fixator remained for a total of 8 months. And when it was all said and done, I was on crutches for a year... not fun! I was 11 when this all went down and this was just the beginning, but all the other surgeries were cake compared to this one. Afterwards, my doctor kindly informed me that it was the most painful experience anyone could pretty much go through and I really hope so because seriously... ummm... that pain can't be put into words.

Now, there's kind of the general gist of things. I'm not telling these details for pity, but simply to state it as part of the shaping things of my life. You see program after program on TV about plastic surgery, models, and pastors smacking people on the head to heal them. I know I'm not perfect in any way shape or form, and honestly if you want me to get really hurt, you poke fun at how I walk. But what I've come to learn is just how much God has used this one big thing, thirteen years ago to change me and break me literally. When I read the story of Jacob (Israel) when he wrestled with God and God touched the socket of his hip and so Jacob walked with a limp, I relate to it in so many ways. God knit me in my mama's womb, He knew my personality, and what it would take to get through to me. I laugh thinking that He had to do that and more to get me to come to my knees and He continues to still work on me and uses physical things to really hammer in some big lessons. I just don't even want to think of the pride, selfishness, and all the other gnarly things I still have if this hadn't been part of His plan for me. He is so good and works in some unusual and painful ways, but it's all a part of His perfect plan. If only I would remember that from time to time.

Youth Group on Location: the Re-Cap

2011-01-29T12:12:00.003-07:00

Well, in the last post I did, I was asking for prayer because I really had no clue about how our youth group was going to go this weekend. Well, now that it's come and gone, I can once again testify to how God was so good to answer prayer. I came home from having lunch with a friend to find my "guys" in the church practicing for worship and they were all wearing their youth group t-shirts. I almost wanted to cry because I was super discouraged all day thinking that I was just going to be hard-core disappointed with this event as everyone would end up staying at the graduation party, but they were there and ready to roll. But on top of my guys being there and getting everything all set to go to Loco, the party authorities (i.e. JB, Jess, and Bev) made sure that it was planned for the youth to get food early enough to make it to youth group. So by 4 we were at Loco with a good group of kids. We set up really quick, our worship team did a great job, and then Jacob translated as I taught Isaiah 40-66. They were awesome chapters reminding us of all that God's done, killer prophecy about Jesus, who He says He is, and His love for us. It all went really well, and I was blessed by the students coming and just having my guys step up when I needed them the most. God is so good because we worry, anticipate failure, etc... but it's all in His hands, He's in charge of the results, and no matter what they may be... to Him be the glory!

Youth Group on Location

2011-01-27T05:56:00.002-07:00

This Saturday, we're going to shift youth group to a local slum area called Loco which is where many of our students live. We're going there for a couple of reasons: 1) To reach out to an area outside our compound, 2) To shake things up and kind of shatter the monotony, and 3) There's going to be a graduation party at the church that will really distract the students if we were there. As I've previously mentioned, in the youth group we're going through a series called "Race to Revelation" and so this week we're going to do a survey on Isaiah 40-66. God is so good because these chapters are so drenched in God's mercy and His Gospel, and not to mention just reminding us about how awesome God is. It really couldn't be more perfect for an outreach while staying within our series. I just humbly ask for prayers that the students would come and not get too distracted by the party and that the students who do come will either come to accepting the awesome gift Christ is waiting to give them for the first time, or have passion in their walks with God be re-ignited as we study these 27 amazing chapters of Scripture.