It's funny because whenever you hear the word "London" it sounds so romantic almost, but really to me it's just either my last bit of western life or the first glimpse of it depending on which way I'm going. This morning was very hard, not even including having to say goodbye to all of my family and closest friends. There were so many hiccups with baggage, that I really just pray that after having to pay such a pretty penny that everything will get there ok. I even kind of lost it on the lady at the check-in counter because of all of the headaches that were coming up, I just have to remember that every aspect of this trip is bathed in prayer so what do I have to worry or complain about.
Now onto the goodbyes, I had the perfect group at the airport with me to say goobbye. This time it really was a lot less painful, it was still in the top two hardest things I've gone through in my life (the first being the first time I left) but God really did answer a lot of prayers at making it a lot easier. I just am so thankful for the support of my family especially. Having them there to pray for me and laugh with me before crying it up and heading through security is something that I'll forever treasure. I told my grandma, "I wish we all just hated eachother, because that would make this a whole lot easier". Through the hurt, God brings His peace and each and every time I just have to remind myself of how I just need to pick up my cross and follow Him.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Twelve hours and counting
It's absolutely insane right now thinking about how in twelve hours I will actually be in the air on my way to Dallas. This furlough has gone by so fast. Today was an awesome last day though of just having lots of closure and confirmation about where I'm headed. I love how our God is not a God of uncertainty, but His Word truly is that "light unto our path". After being at the church for the morning, I was able to spend the afternoon with the family which I had to begin by partaking in Blake's one last time. This was followed by some more packing, cleaning the Jeep, Dion's, and then packing again. Now it's almost 1, and I think I can go to bed with a peace of mind knowing that everything is good to go. Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me to keep my sanity through all this, because your prayers have totally been answered!
Friday, February 12, 2010
The body
So you know those images that show the outside of the human body, then it shows the muscles, then bones, then veins, etc...? Well, that's what I felt like today looking back on everything that has taken place over this furlough. For so long I was stuck looking at just that first image, but little by little he's been showing me some of the others too, and it's been absolutely awesome! I have had my eyes opened to so many amazing things God is doing right here through hundreds of people. People serving in so many different capacities and so many ministries I just love it! I hear about ministries that have been in existence for years but they're just kind of like the unsung heroes of the ministry world, but that doesn't mean that God isn't using the work that ministry is doing. I have truly been incredibly privileged to witness these various ways that God is at work and the lessons I learned by being a part of them (even if it was just for a night) I hope I will never forget.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Four days and counting
Driving around today, I was thinking about just how much I really do miss all in Africa. I miss getting to study my Bible all day and then getting to share those things with others. I miss getting to just hang out with Jess, Bev, Ryan, Judy and Malia after dinner and just veg watching a movie. I miss our amazing staff and their awesome kids that I get to be around so much. I miss my litte apartment. I miss adventures to villages. I miss so much that words won't even begin to get into it. i'm ready to go back, but it's still hard to say goodbye. My last post was all about what God was teaching me, and since that post He definitely has given me that "Peace that surpasses all understanding" and I haven't had another "episode" since. I love what I do, I love the calling God has placed on my life and the people He's brought me to work alongside, but it definitely still is hard leaving my other home for two years. Right now, it's about 1:20 in the morning and I just have a feeling that sleep isn't going to be much of a thing I partake in over these next few days. I'm trying to do work, but that's not really happening and due to several people even today asking me to blog more, I thought I'd post this instead. Well, now it's time to see what else I can find to occupy the time until hopefully I drift off to dream land. Goodnight world.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
A new level of transparency
DISCLAIMER: The following has been posted after much contemplation as to whether or not it should be. After wondering if my pride could handle people knowing some of the struggles I face and knowing that I most likely either: 1) am not alone in them or 2)that by sharing them, everyone might get to know what I'm really like instead of just a facade that I can put on most of the time. This blog is pretty much like a journal to me, and I'm not trying to be "preachy", prideful, or show false humility, this is me raw...so please don't judge me too harshly :).
For a while now I've been trying to just kind of avoid the difficulties of leaving (almost) everyone I know and care about for really two years this time and be 8,000+ miles away. It's weird because of how this time of preparing to leave differs from the last time. It definitely is easier in a lot of respects, and I'm definitely not bitter at God for His plan He has for me, but it's still hard to go. I've been so busy that I kind of conveniently side-step really getting too introspective, but as the day is now about a week away, it's getting harder and harder to play like everything is "gum drops and lollipops". The lessons God has been trying to teach me over the past two months are kind of what are really hitting me. It's kind of like the "debriefing time" at the end of a big event or a mission trip, where you're just trying to process it all. God is so good for how He does make us His "pet projects" and although it can hurt like a son of a gun, you know it's necessary in continuing in the sanctification process as He seeks to perfect us and make us more and more into the image of His Son.
One area that God has really been teaching me a lot in, is with being judgmental. I'm not kidding, three times in one week there was either a teaching that talked about it or just a verse I had been reading in my quiet time that mentioned it and it was kind of like I couldn't NOT get the fact that God was trying to teach me something. With maturing in our walks with God it becomes easier and easier to look at other believers and look down on them for their lack of maturity because they don't know about x, y, and z, and you consider yourself superior to them because you don't do "that", but then you come to realize that it's that very same attitude that Jesus consistently rebuked the pharisees about and Paul said to the same group in Romans "The Name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you". I've really got to guard myself of having that ungodly judgmental attitude which is very different from tolerance.
God is also good for how He teaches us the heaviest lessons in our weakest points. I've gotten right on the edge of breaking down and kind of teetered over it for about 5 minutes today and so I knew I just needed some time to "be still" and just stop and allow Him to speak to me in what is a very difficult time for me. I went to one of my favorite coffee shops, got my perfect rainy day beverage, and after some time of reading the Bible and being ministered to through that I decided to read a little Pilgrim's Progress because the teaching this weekend reminded me of what a good book that was. As I was going through it, I realized that all the verses that John Bunyan referred to were the verses that God had been using in my life before I left for Africa the first time. Then God really got my attention with Luke 14:26,27. There is a verse in Matthew that is similar and that was the one that I really had as a key verse when I originally left, but now to really comprehend the whole thing of "hating" your family just hit a whole new level. I should love Christ more than every one and everything and that my love for Him is so strong that in comparison to my love for Him my love for my family is like I hate them. That is definitely something that has to always be at the forefront of my mind when I think of how hard me leaving is on my family. But Jesus doesn't stop there, He drives it in a little deeper with how we should hate their own life and if we don't do that, we CANNOT be His disciple. In order to truly follow Him, I have to love Him with every last thing I have and not hold anything back, not worry about what anyone thinks, but just purely obeying Him and seeking to bring Him glory. Then you've got to bring in verse 27, and getting that in context is a whole other level of "WHAM!!!" Studying today about what that verse really means was awesome because you hear that verse all the time but to have it in the view of my life is pretty intense at the moment. To take up your cross is to lay everything at the feet of Jesus, your thoughts, passions, worries, plans, etc... and submit to Him and His plan (your cross). Just like when Jesus was carrying His own cross (both literally and figuratively) it was painful but He still rejoiced in it because He knew the end purpose of doing it. I need to lay all that I have at His feet and in my life, working in Africa is kind of like my cross, I need to do that with everything I have, not allowing my ideas or plans to get in the way but just seeking "not my will, but His will to be done" and rejoicing in the fact that I get to serve Him here on earth and then when it's all said and done I get to stand before Him and praise Him and see Him in all His glory.
Ok, this was really long, but there you have it. I haven't written very much in a while because I guess it was all a part of my attempt at avoidance, therefore I kind of just laid it all out there finally, and all I can say is..."PHEW!!!"
For a while now I've been trying to just kind of avoid the difficulties of leaving (almost) everyone I know and care about for really two years this time and be 8,000+ miles away. It's weird because of how this time of preparing to leave differs from the last time. It definitely is easier in a lot of respects, and I'm definitely not bitter at God for His plan He has for me, but it's still hard to go. I've been so busy that I kind of conveniently side-step really getting too introspective, but as the day is now about a week away, it's getting harder and harder to play like everything is "gum drops and lollipops". The lessons God has been trying to teach me over the past two months are kind of what are really hitting me. It's kind of like the "debriefing time" at the end of a big event or a mission trip, where you're just trying to process it all. God is so good for how He does make us His "pet projects" and although it can hurt like a son of a gun, you know it's necessary in continuing in the sanctification process as He seeks to perfect us and make us more and more into the image of His Son.
One area that God has really been teaching me a lot in, is with being judgmental. I'm not kidding, three times in one week there was either a teaching that talked about it or just a verse I had been reading in my quiet time that mentioned it and it was kind of like I couldn't NOT get the fact that God was trying to teach me something. With maturing in our walks with God it becomes easier and easier to look at other believers and look down on them for their lack of maturity because they don't know about x, y, and z, and you consider yourself superior to them because you don't do "that", but then you come to realize that it's that very same attitude that Jesus consistently rebuked the pharisees about and Paul said to the same group in Romans "The Name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you". I've really got to guard myself of having that ungodly judgmental attitude which is very different from tolerance.
God is also good for how He teaches us the heaviest lessons in our weakest points. I've gotten right on the edge of breaking down and kind of teetered over it for about 5 minutes today and so I knew I just needed some time to "be still" and just stop and allow Him to speak to me in what is a very difficult time for me. I went to one of my favorite coffee shops, got my perfect rainy day beverage, and after some time of reading the Bible and being ministered to through that I decided to read a little Pilgrim's Progress because the teaching this weekend reminded me of what a good book that was. As I was going through it, I realized that all the verses that John Bunyan referred to were the verses that God had been using in my life before I left for Africa the first time. Then God really got my attention with Luke 14:26,27. There is a verse in Matthew that is similar and that was the one that I really had as a key verse when I originally left, but now to really comprehend the whole thing of "hating" your family just hit a whole new level. I should love Christ more than every one and everything and that my love for Him is so strong that in comparison to my love for Him my love for my family is like I hate them. That is definitely something that has to always be at the forefront of my mind when I think of how hard me leaving is on my family. But Jesus doesn't stop there, He drives it in a little deeper with how we should hate their own life and if we don't do that, we CANNOT be His disciple. In order to truly follow Him, I have to love Him with every last thing I have and not hold anything back, not worry about what anyone thinks, but just purely obeying Him and seeking to bring Him glory. Then you've got to bring in verse 27, and getting that in context is a whole other level of "WHAM!!!" Studying today about what that verse really means was awesome because you hear that verse all the time but to have it in the view of my life is pretty intense at the moment. To take up your cross is to lay everything at the feet of Jesus, your thoughts, passions, worries, plans, etc... and submit to Him and His plan (your cross). Just like when Jesus was carrying His own cross (both literally and figuratively) it was painful but He still rejoiced in it because He knew the end purpose of doing it. I need to lay all that I have at His feet and in my life, working in Africa is kind of like my cross, I need to do that with everything I have, not allowing my ideas or plans to get in the way but just seeking "not my will, but His will to be done" and rejoicing in the fact that I get to serve Him here on earth and then when it's all said and done I get to stand before Him and praise Him and see Him in all His glory.
Ok, this was really long, but there you have it. I haven't written very much in a while because I guess it was all a part of my attempt at avoidance, therefore I kind of just laid it all out there finally, and all I can say is..."PHEW!!!"
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Welcome!
I just would like to extend a welcome to all of you who have just started to follow my blog. Over the past month and a half I have met so many amazing people and I can't wait to see how God will allow us to stay in touch even from thousands of miles away. I will have to warn you that in these posts you will hear of everything from ministry events to the little life lessons God had been showing me, and I may even throw in a soap box or two so just take them in stride. To all of you who have been following this blog for a while, thank you for continued interest in all the awesome work God is doing.
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