Tapping Out

In the world of wrestling, there’s a term called “tapping out” when you either tag someone to come and help you out or you basically say you’re finished (you can blame it on my brothers and “brothers” for how well I know that term). Well, that was the point I was at yesterday where I reached the point where I wished I could in some way “tap out”, where I was empty and had nothing left. The thing is that God, in His sovereignty brought me to that point of submission and exhaustion when there's no one to tag to come and relieve me, there's no way I can throw in the towel and just take a couple of days off. Jess and Bev are gone, and even though they're coming back tomorrow...HALLELUJAH! I had a d day yesterday that was one for the books, one where seriously every little thing could go wrong did and if I could, I seriously would have just ran away. I wish there had been someone to tag and have them come and stand in the gap, to relieve some of the pressure, to fulfill some of the responsibilities, to hear some of the bad news of what was broken or who wasn't there that needed to be, but there wasn't. And the thing I have to keep telling myself is that God knew that I was by myself, He knew there was no one who would come to my "rescue", and that's the way He wanted it. The staff here at CCJ has done a stellar job of stepping up to the plate and working as a real family during this time of the bosses being away, but there are just some things that only I could make the call on or deal with, and all of those things just so happened to have issues or need addressing yesterday morning. The thing is that God does like us to get to the point where we're at the end of ourselves, like Jacob when God wrestled with him, He knows just what to "wrench" in order to bring us to our knees, and He does that when we're alone, when we're isolated, and don't have someone else to hide behind.

All yesterday, I was in the middle of a wrestling match... both with the circumstances and with my flesh. In the midst of struggling with disappointment, putting out fires, etc... I constantly had the verse "Do all things without grumbling or complaining" running through my head, and that I was in sin with that verse alone. Not to mention the verses such as "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger...", "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry", and of course my newest stumbling block, "Be kind and compassionate toward one another, forgiving one another just as in Christ God forgave you". So yeah... needless to say I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually spent and my flesh was warring against my spirit and I could echo Paul's words of "the things I do not want to do, I do".

This morning I'm still nursing my wounds, icing my sore spiritual muscles and trying to pick myself up from yesterday. Recognizing that I did fall into sin with my attitude and that I can blame it on nobody except for myself. Again just remembering that Jesus was tempted in all things, yet still remained sinless... it puts everything into rather harsh perspective. So what if the power and water went off. So what if all of our vehicles had something go wrong with them. So what if people weren't where they were supposed to be or that what we needed wasn't there. So what if people were sick and needed attention. Jesus faced much more strenuous situations, and still showed grace... Oh how I still have so far to go.