24

Right now it's 11:00 at night, the night before I turn 25. Wow...25.... I can't believe that I'm actually turning a quarter century in just a couple short hours. For those of you who have "been there and done that" with the big 2-5, I'm sure I'm not going to feel much sympathy from y'all. But I can honestly say that I'm not dealing with this whole 25 thing very well. To me, it's a lot like the end of childhood. I know for many people, they have been married and already had a couple of kids by the time they're 25, but considering those things haven't happened yet for me, I really do view turning 25 as the gateway into adult hood, and I don't know if I've ever been more scared in my entire life. Responsibility, maturity, and the like can no longer be excused by the fact that I'm just in my "early twenties", but I have to start really acting my age. But 25... wow.

Currently Switchfoot's song 24 is playing and I can think of no better song than that right now. "Life is not what I thought it was...", "Twenty four failures, twenty four tries", "I'm not who I thought I was", "twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong", "with all my excuses still twenty four strong". The cool thing is that Jon Foreman wrote this song as he was ending his twenty fourth year as well. Looking back on 24... well, let's just say it was hands down THE toughest year of my life, it was also one where I learned the most. I began the year with getting away and just preparing for what was coming because I just knew God was going to refine me over the year. Soon I broke my foot, I was then left to man the compound with Jess and Bev on furlough, Ryan moved as well as my other close friends, I took on the youth group as a solo act, I ended up with a cast on my left hand over Christmas, I lost two of my grandmas and a precious little girl, and I've cried more and hurt more over this past year than I ever have before. But with that pain, also came times of rejoicing as God brought new friends, shown me more fruit in ministry, brought awesome new opportunities, and taught me more in the shadows than I could have ever learned in the sunshine. He taught me about his faithfulness, sovereignty, grace, and mercy to a level I'd yet to experience. Like C.S. Lewis said, "God shouts in our pains". That's been this past year for me. Twenty four will definitely be one for the books and I just hope the lessons I learned will not be forgotten and the pain wasted.

One thing I'm amazed by is that God has it all taken care of. He knew that 24 was going to be a doozy for me. He knew what He wanted to teach me, and how He had to teach it to me since I'm way too stubborn and the only way I seem to learn things is through agonizing physical and emotional pain. I'm not "abnormal" or "behind schedule" in God's plan, He has me where he wants me. The thing I need to realize is that it's the best place to be when you don't know anything of what's going to happen down the road, but you're in a place where you have no choice but to trust Him and surrender completely to His plan and His timing in all areas of your life. And that's exactly what I need to do as I embark on this new year...SURRENDER.