"But God..."

Throughout the Bible there is this beautiful little phrase, it consists of just six small letters, but they mean so much. The phrase "But God" has become one of my favorites throughout Scripture. After reading of some of the most difficult and impossible of circumstances, the most hopeless scenarios, and overwhelmingly pressing situations where it just seems like no good could come... you so often read these beautiful words, "But God". Throughout life, we face tough times, trying times, impossible times, "But God" is still the one in control, "But God" has His perfect plan, "But God" is bigger than any problem, enemy or situation, "But God" gives us the promise that nothing is impossible for Him. Even yesterday as I was dealing with the menagerie of trials that have comprised the past couple of weeks, God reminded me of this very thing. Yes, it may seem that at times my world is falling apart. Yes, I may feel totally out of control. Yes, I may not know how it will all work out... BUT GOD promises me that His ways are higher than my ways. BUT GOD says He will never leave me nor forsake me. BUT GOD says that He works all things out for the good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. These are simple things, but that does not make them any less true. And through the storms of this life, that's what I have to cling to with every bit of my being.

A trip to Karamoja

In Eastern Uganda, there's an area called Karamoja, and this happens to be the place where some really good friends of mine are beginning to do work. Being that I had just had a few crazy months, I thought it would be cool to head out that way and hang out with them for a few days. I didn't go there necessarily expecting a vacation, which was a good thing because it was definitely very far from what I got, but honestly I'm not complaining because I know what God had planned for me there was a lot more important than just some R&R. It's funny because so many people think of ministry being to people you're not really connected to, that you have to meet somewhere to discuss sometime or make an appointment for, but a lot of times the most important ministry just happens in the midst of life. God had me in Karamoja to do such ministry. My trip grew from being a week to ten days as the need for me to stay up there also grew. I had to grow up in a lot of ways dealing with things that I've never had to before. It was definitely a tough trip spiritually, emotionally, and physically, but it was perfect all the same. In the midst of the tough stuff, I was surrounded by some of the most breathtaking beauty that my eyes have ever beheld and was able to meet some people that I hope I will continue to be friends with for years to come. My life verse is definitely Isaiah 55:8,9, where it says "His ways are not our ways...". Even going to Karamoja, I had a lot of stuff on my mind, things I was unsure of and honestly felt rather confused and very alone in dealing with all that was pouring through my thoughts and prayers. I was thinking that it was going to be a time to kind of pray over a lot of those things and get more clarity, but instead of it being some "me time" it was still yet another opportunity for God to redirect my focus back to where it should be as I was offering counsel and seeking for wisdom in all the situations that were coming my way, He was helping me to understand things and mull things over in a way that I would never have done if it weren't for the events of my time up there. It's just funny thinking of just how much He knows what He's doing.

The trip was tough but it really was awesome! Getting to spend time with Ryan and his team mates, learning what it means to live the "village life", being surrounded by so much culture, and just really getting to have God's beauty all around me was amazing! It was a trip that will definitely be a memorial mark in my life of what God did, taught, and revealed to me.

"Trust Me"

For the past three months, I have had the opportunity to be stretched, broken, humbled, amazed, taught, rebuked, matured and exhausted beyond every sense of the word. Having Jess and Bev be in the States brought in a season of turmoil (for lack of a better word) that I never expected. Back at the beginning of this insane time, a pastor friend of mine informed me that this was going to be a season that was going to shape the rest of my life...if only I knew just how much. It's amazing to look back on all that's happened over this time. I had to say goodbye to so many people, have a broken foot, deal with some incredibly heavy ministry issues, as well as some stuff going on back in the States. It was seriously non-stop, and after each time of thinking that "ok, now that's over, things will be ok again" and then WHAM! But honestly though even looking back through the previous posts I've made during this time, it's amazing all that God's brought me through. I've forgotten a lot of the pain and despair I felt during a lot of those situations, even reading some of the most recent posts I've made I have to kind of remind myself what was happening that was making me cry out in such desperation. Things that we think are the end of the world, things that seem to be making life impossible, things that seem like you just simply can't take anymore, are now just things in the distant past that I've even forgotten about even though they were maybe just a couple of months or weeks ago. Even as I'm writing this, I'm still recovering from even more "episodes" of breaking and maturing that are even separate from what I would consider the season without Jess and Bev. And to kind of put the icing on the cake, I just took my last dose of Malaria medication because for the first time since I've been here, I finally got that super fun little sickness. Like I said, it's really just one thing after the other.

The thing is thought that God just knows us way too well and what we're struggling with and what we need to hear. He tends to teach me the most through when I teach others, and he did just that today. I got back from my trip to Karamoja (see other blog posts) and found out I had malaria, and today was the first time I really was able to get back to ministry. At Jinja SS, I have been teaching through the book of Ecclesiastes and today's passage was 3:1-8, the famous "Time for everything" passage. He reminded me and helped to realize that in all the ins and outs of life, God is still in control...the good and the bad. There's a set time for all that's been happening in my life and He's just having me go through this time to make me into the person He desires for me to be. I just have to continue reminding myself of that as I go through all this. It's funny because there are certain times when it's just like God is almost audibly telling me, "Just trust me", then I give some excuse or another thing I'm struggling with or unsure of and He just reiterates that over and over, "Just trust me". It's far from easy and I definitely don't have it down yet, but I'm just glad that He sends me little reminders in the midst of all the hurt, and chaos, and pain that it's for but a season and as one of my favorite quotes says, "If you want to see the rainbow, be prepared to endure the storm."

A caffeine induced blogging escapade

So normally caffeine doesn't really phase me...it may or may not have to do with the fact that I pretty much drink straight espresso on a daily basis...but that's besides the point. Between the double macchiato, a very large to-do list, and a heavy heart due to some stuff happening back in the States, I decided what a better time than now to kind of process things via the ever so personal medium that we refer to as "a blog".

The last post I made was about the struggles of the weeks before. I wish that I could say that life got easier after that, but honestly, if anything, it got worse. It really did just seem like everything was falling apart and I don't know if I have ever been so close to just wanting to throw in the towel as I had been over these past two weeks. I could blame it on a variety of external factors that triggered all of the discouragement, but really, if I were to be brutally honest with myself, it was all self-inflicted. Now, I don't want to downplay the fact that there were other "forces" at work, but really I think the thing that got hit the hardest through all of this was my pride. I realized that the reason why I was struggling so much was because I was wanting to be "the golden child" and not for God's glory at all, but purely for mine. For people to be able to say, "Remember when Kelli had to run things, she did such an awesome job! It was the best furlough time EVER!" It wasn't for the good of the mission or the work of the ministry, it was because I wanted to add another notch to my belt of things I could do well. Even now, just typing it nauseates me. I never necessarily did anything flat out sinful on the outside, but on the inside...oh man! I would get easily frustrated, upset, etc... because people weren't seeing things my way or listening to me or respecting me (you like all those personal pronouns there?). I loved hearing "wow Kelli! You've got so much going on and you're doing such a great job"...I could just feel myself being blown up like one of those punching bag balloons... then the other day... that balloon popped...big time! I just thank God that I finally listened and allowed my eyes to be opened to how I'm not "God's gift to humanity", but honestly, a lot of times He uses me to test people's patience and grace even more than they test mine.

I'm reminded of how with teenagers they tend to act like they know everything but in reality they know nothing and they have a little bratty attitude about it all... yup that's been me. I've told people that I've been in a perpetual bad mood for the past three months, when really I've just been acting like a big brat to a lot of people. The taste of it all is just bitter and all I want to do is spit it out...I pray that I remember how nasty I feel right now and that whenever I think I'm "all that and a bag of chips", I better get ready. The Scripture of "take heed lest you fall" is definitely one that defines this season - you think you're above certain things, that you're the authority, that you're "too holy to do that", when really you're already walking right into that very sin you think you're above.

I guess the moral of the story is that I've been to the woodshed, and I pray that I learned my lesson, because this was not fun!

A tough few weeks

First off, you can always tell when I'm having a tough time by how rarely I write. I see that the last post I did was on the 4th, and it's crazy to think of all that's taken place since then. To begin with, I had to say goodbye to some really great friends! Judy and Malia left and then just under a week ago, I had to say goodbye to another good friend of mine, Jonah (he's the one who had broken his leg at the same time I broke my foot). Going through all the pains of goodbyes, especially with those who you may never see again can take their toll on your emotions for sure.

Along with the painful goodbyes and the personal struggles that have been happening. Ministry has also been tough. I've recently written about how there are these girls who live such terrible lives where they willfully choose to sin against God. Well, this week, I guess you could say that the prayers of "God, I don't know when or how I'm going to deal with these girls...", got answered. On Tuesday I had just said goodbye to Jonah and I had just gotten back from going and dropping Ryan and the Reeds at the half way point between where they live and Jinja, (so needless to say I was a little on the emotional side) and I had a counseling appointment. This girl came to me to tell me about how her cousin was living and how she had run away from home and so on and so forth. This girl's cousin has been coming to my Sunday afternoon Bible studies for the past two years, I knew there was something going on, but never had anything concrete about it...until now. We made the plan to do phase one of the confrontation process in dealing with sin, and so the girl and her cousin were to come and talk to me the next day. Well...on Wednesday, I waited for them to get to the church and the girl who I had been talking to found me and told me that they were on their way to come and meet with me when they were intercepted by a lady who lived near them who had had enough of what the cousin had been doing and started to beat the girl with a stick. So the girl and I hopped in the truck and ran down to where the girl was at, brought her, the girl's mom, and the lady who was beating her to the church. After about an hour and a half of talking, it was just cool because God totally was the one in control of the whole thing. The end result is that the girl has one last chance to prove herself and if she doesn't, then I'm taking her back to her mom in the village. As a way to provide some sort of control and accountability, I also now pick her up from home and take her to school and then pick her up from school so she won't have to flirt with temptation at those times....we'll see how this goes. I pray that she changes and starts to truly follow Christ, because it seriously breaks my heart knowing the life that she has been living and that she'll have to pay for that the rest of her life and if she doesn't change, she will have to pay for it for eternity as well.

Then while I was dealing with that, the names of two of my key guys were brought up as being part of that issue. So I had to talk to them as a sister in hopes that things wouldn't have to escalate to something more official.

Finally, last night, I was in the house and was informed that two girls had come to see me. I went out there and they said they needed to sit and talk about something. Their names had also been brought up while we were dealing with the first girl, and they started denying everything before I even had a chance to bring it up to them. I don't know the life they're living, but God does. They had come to try and bring accusations against another person, and it ended up with me giving them a very similar talk to what I had given the first girl and they were not expecting to have things go the way they did. But God was good and again He really just did the talking - I just was the vessel.

These things have been a long time coming. I've seriously struggled with not knowing what to do with these students for such a long time. It had always been rumors, but then it just kind of fell in my lap as to how to deal with it. In seeing these students living lives where they knew the right way to live, but instead lived to cater to the "flesh", I can now have new understanding about what our sin does to God. As I was counseling the first girl, one thing that really hit me hard what how she had welts all over her from where the other lady had been striking her with a small stick. I was able to tell her that the pain she went through with that beating was nothing compared to when Jesus was beaten to the point where the skin was ripped off of his back because of His love for her. It's really something that I will NEVER forget and I thank God for opening my eyes to the power of that example.

The book of 1 John talks about if you love God you will no longer choose a life of sin, I can point fingers at these girls all I want, but really, I need to examine my own life as well. The sin that these girls are involved with is just the same as when I know I'm not supposed to gossip or manipulate or have pride...and yet still pursue those things. As I told these girls, we are called to live pure, holy, blameless lives before Christ, ones where we are above reproach. Now as I'm telling these students that, I now need to practice what I preach.

"Open Air Preaching"

In the book, "Lectures to my Students", Charles Spurgeon devotes two chapters to "open air preaching". I won't lie when I was reading through this book and as I crept closer and closer to these chapters, I was somewhat dreading them because it seemed like the subject matter would be a little on the dry side to say the least...but boy was I wrong! It's funny because in America, we don't really get or look for opportunities to do ministry outside of our church buildings or property. If anything, we do something like street witnessing which is all well and good, but if someone doesn't want to be asked the typical ice breaker questions of, "so where do you think you'll go if you die?" or "Have you ever stolen something?", you're kind of out of luck. Spurgeon says a lot of common sense sort of stuff, yet I think it's stuff we need to be reminded of in this day and age especially. He wrote, "Not only must something be done to evangelize the millions, but everything must be done, and perhaps amid variety of effort the best thing would be discovered, 'If by any means I may save some' must be our motto..." We get so caught in our box of, "This is how we do things" that I think there is a large some of people who miss out on hearing the Good News of what Christ went through because of His love for us. That's where my excitement with this open air preaching concept comes.

As I am in the midst of reading these chapters, it was decided that our youth group would go on location and do our normal youth service in a place called Loco. It's only a couple of blocks away from the church, but there are so many kids who live there who would not come to church and so it was awesome thinking of the 70+ kids who were there listening to the youth pastor, Richard, lay out the Gospel for them...but I think that almost even more that comes the thought of the people who maybe were just listening from their houses or passing by, and the seeds that could be planted with them as well. I've come to find that the seeds sown by "accident" sometimes produce the most fruit. So it was just so cool to play a VERY small part in getting to see the opportunities getting outside of our comfort zones can bring. Now, each month our goal is to do at least one event like this so that truly, "If by any means I (we) may save some".

Another tough goodbye

When I first got to Uganda (two years ago today), Ryan had told me that there was someone named Judy who I was destined to become best friends with. Now, looking back on the past couple of years as our friendship has grown, it's very tough to think that I'm going to have to say goodbye to one awesome "big sister". She's been with me through the trials of life in Africa, finding who I am here, and just the drama that comes with being friends with a 24 year old. She's put up with so much from me and in five days I'm going to have to say goodbye to her as she and her daughter leave to return to America. This summer has been incredibly hard in the goodbye department and having Judy leave as the summer draws to a close just kind of bookends the tough goodbyes. I'm so thankful for the friend God has blessed me with and on top of that, He's brought an awesome little girl into Judy's life that has become one of our little family as well. I'm going to miss these girls so much, and I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to adjust to life without them, but I'm so excited to see what God has next for them as they embark on this new chapter of life back in the States.