The things you miss

Being out of the country for five years you miss a lot of things... green chile, chick-fil-a, air conditioning... but the things you miss the most that no care package could ever help are the people and events that take place while you're gone. Over the past five years I've missed huge mile stones in the lives of so many that I care about - weddings, funerals, holidays, babies, graduations, birthdays, and everything in between. It's seriously probably the hardest thing about being called overseas.

Well, although the circumstances are not "ideal" for me being back, I have been blessed over these past seven months to take part in things I've desperately missed and hadn't been able to be a part of for the past five years: Thanks giving, Easter, Mother's day and today I got to have the awesome privilege of attending my brother, Keelan's, high school graduation. I wasn't able to attend Kyle's but I'm so glad I was here for Keeks. I have to say that growing up, Keelan and I were 9 years apart and therefore not incredibly close. Over this time of being back in the States, I've had some amazingly precious time getting to hang out with him and really get to know what a great kid...young man he has become. God has been so faithful to show me that He's got a beautiful plan for the pain and the craziness life became those months ago. He had His reasons for calling me back, and I know I don't even know half of them yet. I praise Him that even in these times of pain, He gives us these times of joy and seeing that He's got it all under control.

The waiting game

I first want to give a shout out to everyone who I've spoken with who says they read every one of these posts. It's so funny because sometimes I treat this as somewhat of a glorified journal, but the fact that God uses this blog to encourage others or just help people to know how to pray is just amazing. To quote the old time classic Napoleon Dynamite, sometimes "I love technology".

I have been a bit of a hermit so to speak over the past few months basically just content to work, go home, and then go to church a couple times a week. Basically just keeping my head down and just seeking God during this extended season of waiting. Have you ever counted how many times Scripture talks about "waiting on God"? it's crazy and then even when the words aren't exactly there, the principle still is. More than that, Scripture likes to add the word "patient" to the call to wait on the Lord.

I continue to equate this time with the Israelite's wandering in the wilderness. I HAVE to wait on God for His provision, His protection, His guidance. The thing is in the moments when I do truly wait on Him and trust Him, He blows me away. He speaks to me and reveals His faithfulness, love and power in ways that words can't describe. It's the moments when I take my eyes off of Him, like Peter when Jesus calls him to walk on water, that I begin to sink. If I start looking at the storm raging around me or just not knowing what's next I sink. But the amazing thing is His Word is so good at helping me to fix my eyes back upon Him.

Along with His Word, He has used so many of you who read these posts to be answers to prayer. I wish I could tell you all the times when I get the random text/call/Facebook message/chance meeting that He uses to provide the perfect encouragement at the perfect time helping me to hang in there a little while longer.

The waiting game is not my favorite game by any means, especially the patient part, but truly as you wait upon the Lord He is so faithful to blow your mind. I don't know when this game (or at least this part of the game) will be over, but He's with me every step of the way.

I don't know what you're going through, but He's there to be the God of ALL comfort, you just need to cry out to Him and wait for Him to respond, direct, provide, etc... So take heart my friend, and wait upon the Lord.

"Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." Psalm 27:14

"Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act..." Psalm 37:7a

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he urned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. many will see what He has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord." Psalm 40:1-3

"Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. but those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:30-31

Another Life

I've been fairly silent lately because well... life's been a bit at a stand still. For the past five months I feel like it's been one big season of being tossed about in the sea. Sometimes the waters get calm, other times you're having waves crash over you and force you to the depths below them. Five months... wow! And the thing about this past five months is that at times, to be honest, I feel like it's erased my past five years living in Uganda. I look at pictures, remember stories, etc... and think, "was that really my life?" "did that really happen to me?". I literally ache for Uganda and the life I had there, I miss it so much that words can't describe it. And really, if I had my way, part of me would return back in a second. However, in the past five months as I've had to deal with the various fall out and seeing the truth of who people were/are, people who I trusted and called friends only for them to rejoice at the pain I'm now feeling, I don't want to go back to THAT. I know 1) God called me to Uganda and 2) I know it was His work on bringing me back to the States. I can sit and beg answers as to why He brought me back, but only He knows. It's like a punch to the stomach when I think about my students and the ministry and the different people who became like family to me and not knowing if/when I'll ever be able to see them again. To think 5 months ago I was enjoying the red dirt stains on everything, the unpredictable power/water supply, going to the noisy market, and just driving down the pot hole ridden Ugandan roads blown away by what God allowed me to be a part of... and now that's gone. I praise Him that He's on the throne. I praise Him for His amazing grace and provision during this time. I praise Him for how clearly He's continuously spoken to me through this who thing. But I still ache and I still cry and I still pray that He would bring me back to that second life He allowed me to have for those years. That being said though, I have also learned a lot of lessons about things I should have done differently with my life Stateside, people I would invest in, and ways to pour into others making the most of opportunities and connecting with people. I KNOW I've been blessed with amazing people and this time here has made me even more grateful for the life He's given me here. He's blessed me with an abundant life on two continents, but oh how I miss my other life sometimes and only He knows when/if/how I will ever have it again.

How to have your mind blown

16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”
2 Timothy 3:16-17

Five years ago when I had moved to Uganda, my boss, Jesse, had talked about how you can read through the Bible in a year with reading 2 chapters of the Old Testament, 1 chapter from Psalms, 1 chapter from Proverbs, and 1 chapter of the New Testament each day. That’s when I began to take on that endeavor. I have now read through the Bible every year since then. I’m not saying that to toot my own horn or anything like that but simply to share that 1) it’s possible and 2) I’m not sharing something with you that I haven’t been able to do myself. It is absolutely mind blowingly amazing when you go through Scripture no matter what reading plan you may have, but never has it been so dynamic for me than when I’ve done it in the way I explained above.

Today’s quiet time consisted of Exodus 13, 14; Psalm 32; Proverbs 1; and Romans 4 and somehow they all seemed to tie together. I love it because God knows exactly what we’re going to read and He orchestrates the passages in such crazy ways. One little thing was Romans 4 quotes Psalm 32!!! I was blown away and then had to think to myself, ok…if God is repeating something to me on the same day, what’s He trying to tell me? Exodus 13 and 14 are about the consecration of the first born, God faithfully leading His people and crossing the Red Sea. Psalm 32 also hits on how God is able to guide us and Romans 4 is about Abraham’s faith that God is able to do the impossible. And honestly, I could go on even more, but those lessons are between God and I. I simply wanted to encourage whoever was reading this to 1) read your Bible period and 2) if you are, try to read systematically through at least a book if not through the whole Bible.

Our God is an awesome and personal God who delights in when His kids seek to know Him more. Words can’t describe how awesome it is to hear His voice…the Creator of the universe, God Almighty wants to spend time with you and talk to you… we just need to take time to listen.

Life

Tonight I finally went to see the movie "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty". Personally I thought it was a beautiful fairly clean film and it got me thinking. Blame it on the circumstances, but I'm rather introspective these days. I think if any of us could somehow go back and talk to our 5 or even 15 year old selves asking "what do you want to be doing or where do you want to be when you're 25 (in my case 27), 30, 35...?" odds are what would be said would be different than how life panned out. Some of your dreams and plans that you had when you were little did come true, and that's awesome, but I'm going to guess that there are still some differences from what you originally thought life would be like. The problem is that sometimes we can get so caught up in the "this is not how I envisioned my life!" that we waste the precious life we do have.

Right now, I feel like I am basically in a state of a perpetual holding pattern just waiting for what God is going to do and where the "pillar" will lead me (in Exodus terms). I realize that I've only been in this for a whopping 3 months but I began to realize that although many people have told me this, GOD HAS ME HERE FOR A REASON and I should not waste this time. One guy I've come to understand a little bit more through this time is Joseph from the book of Genesis. The guy was a bit of a brat (said by an oldest child), but he definitely got a raw deal. But from Potiphar's house to prison to the palace, God had him there for a reason. God's purpose in having Joseph go through all of those less than ideal situations was much bigger than Joseph or his family could have ever imagined.

Jesus used the parable of the three servants to bring to light the need for us to go out there and do something... it doesn't even have to be big but just...well... something for His kingdom. Most likely you will live to be 90ish (if you're lucky), no do-overs, no mulligans, that's it. And some of those years may not be what you had in mind of what you wanted, but that's no excuse. Going back to the movie, you may not end up fighting a shark or hiking the Himalayas but God has a reason He has you in the situation you are in right now... don't waste your life, don't waste this year, don't waste this day that God has given you. God has given you life to live it... and seek to hear those beautiful words in the end "well done, good and faithful servant".

A friend loves at all times...

Proverbs 17:17 basically just hits the nail on the head as far as the "silver lining" of this season being the amazing friends and family God has surrounded me with. Even though it's a season of heartache, confusion, and pain I'm more blessed than words can say by the caliber of people God has put in my life. I know I've mentioned such things before, but well, it's kind of like when you fall in love, pretty much you can't stop sharing how amazing the other person is, that's basically the case of how I feel about who God has blessed me with. There are so many of you out there that when I think of the friends you have been over the years... many many years... I'm awestruck that God would allow me to have you in my life by His grace because I definitely don't deserve it.

This past week, I was able to go on a little trip to spend time with some amazing dear friends! First I went to North Carolina to visit the amazing Greene family. Phil, Em and the kids were such an encouragement to be around as we just enjoyed our time in the woods and just hanging out. You know those friends who are kind of like "soul mates" so to speak, where you are on the same page spiritually and just have a deeper connection as you discuss life and what God's teaching you? Well, that's the Greene family in my life. Our time together was so precious as they now are about to head back to Uganda. I will miss having random rendez-vous with them more than they will know but I know there are those friends where time and distance can't change the bond that you share.


After North Carolina, I headed west to the great state of Tennessee. I couldn't be in that area without going and visiting the one, the only, Tiffany Rockhold and then give hugs to the Clarksville crew. Again, what a sweet time we were able to have together! Tiff is such an amazing friend and it was so encouraging getting to spend a couple of days with her.


Getting to be real with and pray with such amazing friends humbles me to my core. I feel bad because really this past week they ministered to me so much that I felt like I was basically only on the receiving end really having little to give them in return other than my love and appreciation for everything. Because really what they did and how God has used them, there's really nothing I could do or say to even begin to return the favor.

God amazes me by His grace because these people I saw this past week, are just a couple of the people God has blessed me with encounters with during this season. Thank you to everyone He has used and spoken through!

Theme verse for 2014

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

Over the past year God has definitely softened my rough edges but there are still some that are very much there. This verse seems to be radiating in my mind as I embark on a new year. I go through my day asking for people to be more kind or compassionate and yet I tend to fail miserably at doing it myself. This past year has been so crazy tough that words cannot describe it, well... I guess it wasn't the whole year but just the last couple of months and I've been hurt by a lot of people but that doesn't matter, I need to forgive as I have been forgiven, what a crazy thing to really think about. I mean, can you imagine if we all just lived out this one verse... let alone the other 31,239 verses in Scripture? If we just made a point to show kindness to others, including fellow drivers, waitresses, co-workers, etc... that would be an awesome start but then to add to that compassion... wow! Compassion recognizing we're all dealing with our own pain and battles, showing grace to those who need it the most... we all like to receive it but how quick are we to show it? And the final part is forgiveness... but not as the world forgives but as He has forgiven us. Oh my goodness what a tall order... but that's my goal. Of course, it's January 1st and I've already failed at this but I will make it my goal to each day try to do a little better at being a doer of this verse and not just a reader/hearer of it.