Seeing the light

Blogs are a funny thing… some people use them as somewhat of a newsletter, others a journal, and to for me it’s kind of a menagerie of synopsis of events, thoughts, struggles, etc… I haven’t written truly in some time, because well honestly, I have issues trying to make sense of everything in my own mind let alone trying to put it down to express it to others. I continue writing about seasons, storms, and the struggles I’ve been facing lately and honestly maybe some of why I’ve stopped writing is because nothing had really changed. The last blog that I posted with that poem couldn’t be more apropos considering what had comprised my existence as of late.

For those of you who are Bible teachers, you can understand when I say that everywhere I look, I tend to think in illustrations. I have just gotten back from a trip to Kenya and part of that time I was able to spend looking at the vast expanse of the Indian Ocean. And while doing so, I couldn’t help but think that the ocean was rather synonymous with my future. To me, the ocean is big, full of unexpected things, some of them beautiful, some of them that could cause you pain, and some beautiful things that also cause pain. It’s full of unknowns, you fear getting swept away, and being pulled under… but in the grand scheme of it all as you look at it, it’s breathtakingly beautiful. As I said, that’s basically my way to summarize my outlook on my future. I have absolutely no idea what God’s going to bring in this upcoming year. I know there will be things that hurt, but at the same time there will be things that make life a little more beautiful. I’m afraid that I’ll be swept away, but I also know that I have God’s promises of how He’s with me through it all and in the end I will hopefully be found, “perfect and complete lacking nothing”. And really, in the end, I know that when I look back on my life, if I allow God to be the one in control, it too will be a beautiful thing that God will use for His glory.

Another thing that I’ve come to understand continues along the lines of storms. It had been raining pretty non-stop these past couple of days, and it seriously was kind of a tangible depiction of what was going on in me, especially this week. But with the darkness and the rain, there’s also the reassurance that it won’t last forever and just as the clouds parted and the sunshine came through, the same thing happened with a majority of what’s been causing a lot of my pain lately.

Hopefully now, you’ll get to read a little more uplifting posts from me, but really I guess this is life. We all experience trials, heart break, confusion, and that’s no different when you’re on the mission field. Another thing that doesn’t change is that we have a heavenly Father who loves us, carries us, and as we’re getting battered by the storms, he’s there to clean us up. Last night in the middle of a rather sleepless night, I listened to a podcast and in the middle of it there was a quote about how God isn’t about pampering us, but about perfecting us and that doesn’t happen if you’re constantly on “calm seas”. Oh how I pray that I would remember the lessons He has taught me through this turbulent but precious time.