Heart Breaking

Throughout preparation for this conference, I've made it a point to really be on my knees in prayer...prayer for the students, leaders, details, etc... It's sad to think how much I've fallen short on this with previous events. Well, as I've been truly trying to seek God on this event, I've now come to the day before the big day and I could feel myself gravitating towards my usual tendencies of freaking out, taking everything on my own shoulders, having unrealistic expectations for myself and those around me, but then a really cool thing happened, without planning or forethought I found myself in the church in tears as I was crying out to God for this event. It wasn't anything I had anticipated doing, God just seriously brought me there and I had God speaking to my heart about a lot of things and breaking my heart for the students in such a painful and real way that words can't describe it.

Now, although this was a very raw and awesome moment that was between God and myself and I want to keep most of it that way, I wanted to share one big thing that God spoke to my heart about...that schedules and to-do lists don't save people and they don't make disciples. God does give people the gift of administration, and I'm not dogging on that because I praise God that He's given me that gift, but I've become so much of a "Martha" and failed at being concerned about "the better things". I do things not for God's glory, but for mine, and that's bad juju. I'm glad that God showed me this now, but man am I afraid as He tests me to see just how well I've learned it. It's not by might or planning or color coding that students will get saved over this conference, but it's by His Spirit alone and that's what I have GOT to remember as I go through the next couple of days.