Wednesday, December 26, 2012
One movie that I know many people love yet others hate is Christmas with the Kranks… For me personally, it both makes me laugh because of similarities I see with my family getting excited for when I’m home for Christmas but it also nauseates me because it shows just how much Jesus is missing from the “necessities” of Christmas.
This Christmas, I didn’t have it with the Kranks but with the Funk (in two different ways). I had one type of “funk” in that I was so so sick leading up to Christmas. My permanent residence was the couch in Jess and Bev’s house as I had to miss so much of what captures this season (parties, food, etc… ) it definitely was not a pleasant time. I’m just happy that I’m FINALLY getting better!
But honestly, even before that I had the another type of funk… I am normally nuts about Christmas… more about the magical (for lack of a better word) feeling that comes along with the season. Even here in Africa, in the past I’ve really just loved this time of year. This year was a different story. I just couldn’t get into it. Now given, the extra things that we get so bogged down with don’t make Christmas… it’s about rejoicing in God’s love that He chose to put skin on, but I just was honestly a bit of a Grinch and didn’t even allow that focus to bring joy to my heart.
All day yesterday, I was in probably the worst mood I’ve ever been in. I feel bad for Davis because as it tends to normally be, the ones you’re closest to take the brunt of when you’re in a sour mood, even if they don’t deserve it. Instead of trying to make the best of everything, I just allowed myself to be miserable… and in turn make others miserable as well. Instead of being focused on Him, I was focused on myself, and really that’s the worst funk of them all… I wasted what could have been an awesome day and now have a whole year before I can enjoy this time again.
Yes, I could use the excuse of: but I was just homesick, or this was wrong, or I was sick, blah blah blah… bottom line is that truthfully I was focused on me, myself, and I and that’s just not ok. Just yesterday before the service I was having my quiet time and reading about John the Baptist calling his listeners to “produce fruit in keeping with repentance” and then this morning in Proverbs I read “As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly”. I need to truly repent from my attitude yesterday, change my temper, and not be like that dog. It was definitely a sobering holiday, and let’s just hope that next year, I will have learned from my mistakes and make my focus 100% on Him and not on myself.
I feel like hopefully this was me reaching rock bottom, and it’s been a long time coming. I feel like my focus has been on myself for a while now and that’s possibly why I’ve been a failure at blog posts and keeping you all updated about the work out here, I’m hoping that will now change after the firm beating I got yesterday from Him.
But all that to say, I hope you all had a MERRY CHRISTMAS!
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