Sunday, March 9, 2014

Another Life

I've been fairly silent lately because well... life's been a bit at a stand still. For the past five months I feel like it's been one big season of being tossed about in the sea. Sometimes the waters get calm, other times you're having waves crash over you and force you to the depths below them. Five months... wow! And the thing about this past five months is that at times, to be honest, I feel like it's erased my past five years living in Uganda. I look at pictures, remember stories, etc... and think, "was that really my life?" "did that really happen to me?". I literally ache for Uganda and the life I had there, I miss it so much that words can't describe it. And really, if I had my way, part of me would return back in a second. However, in the past five months as I've had to deal with the various fall out and seeing the truth of who people were/are, people who I trusted and called friends only for them to rejoice at the pain I'm now feeling, I don't want to go back to THAT. I know 1) God called me to Uganda and 2) I know it was His work on bringing me back to the States. I can sit and beg answers as to why He brought me back, but only He knows. It's like a punch to the stomach when I think about my students and the ministry and the different people who became like family to me and not knowing if/when I'll ever be able to see them again. To think 5 months ago I was enjoying the red dirt stains on everything, the unpredictable power/water supply, going to the noisy market, and just driving down the pot hole ridden Ugandan roads blown away by what God allowed me to be a part of... and now that's gone. I praise Him that He's on the throne. I praise Him for His amazing grace and provision during this time. I praise Him for how clearly He's continuously spoken to me through this who thing. But I still ache and I still cry and I still pray that He would bring me back to that second life He allowed me to have for those years. That being said though, I have also learned a lot of lessons about things I should have done differently with my life Stateside, people I would invest in, and ways to pour into others making the most of opportunities and connecting with people. I KNOW I've been blessed with amazing people and this time here has made me even more grateful for the life He's given me here. He's blessed me with an abundant life on two continents, but oh how I miss my other life sometimes and only He knows when/if/how I will ever have it again.


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