Monday, August 24, 2009

The things I do not want to do, I do

Those unbelievably true words were written by Paul and thinking about words like that and then the book of 2 Corinthians where Paul is having to do damage control for what he had said in his first letter are ringing so real in my life tonight. I tend to give you the "backstage pass" to missionary life, and I'm going to be more honest in this post than anyone ever should be. That being said, here we go.

Some perceive missionaries as preaching to thousands or whacking their way through the bush and sharing the Gospel with some "primitive" group of people. In my experience in dealing with missionaries (be it those who have been on the field 30 years or 1 year), their main ministry, their main heartaches/victories come from the people they are in some way involved with on a daily basis, those people who have in some way truly become disciples. You can kind of think of life here as you're always having to be "on", not making any mistakes and not offending anyone. Now, being absolutely flawed, especially in the area of being honest to a fault, kind of puts a couple of obstacles into that "perfect" persona that is kind of expected of me from others. Especially in a culture where it's so taboo to correct someone for fear that they might feel offended. Dealing with confrontation and that terrible feeling of conviction and also that sickening feeling of how you just had to tick someone off has been what life has been for me lately. Tonight and even the rest of this past week I related to Paul on so many levels it's honestly insane. I've understood what Paul means when he talks of how people don't like what he's saying and how he still struggles with his flesh and doing those things he does not want to do. All I can say is that it's been a couple of crazy humbling and eye-opening weeks.

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