Tuesday, August 19, 2014

No words...

It's now been 10 months since the life I loved and knew seemed to crumble before my very eyes. I wish I could say that I've healed, that I'm at the point of "moving on" but I continue to feel like I have a huge gaping wound that just can't seem to heal... and it hurts. God has been mind blowingly faithful in this season of pain and has worked in ways that have left me in awe of Him and yet I still have my moments when the pain engulfs me yet again. Many of you may not know the circumstances about why I'm back, but have faithfully prayed for me and I appreciate how so many have just allowed me to have some space. I used to be the social butterfly but have been quite a hermit and I'll be honest, I've really enjoyed staying in my safe bubble of work, home and then spending time with only a few other people. My ministry experience has been on a lower key than I'm used to, God has given me the gift and passion for teaching, but right now He seems to have that on the back burner. I feel like life is on in a rather painful season of "pause" when all I want to do is get back to being "myself" again.

There are times when I have definitely felt like God was/is silent... times when I beg Him with all my heart not to be... there was a teaching just a couple of weeks ago titled "Say something" and then even yesterday Psalm 13 was coursing through my mind "How long God will you forget me?" But in that same breath as I feel like the silence is deafening... He speaks. Brokenness does not even come close to where I feel like I'm at right now, the best illustration I've used is a vase thrown against a wall and then rolled over by a paver... BUT GOD.

I've been fairly "silent" as I've gone through this season, especially recently, but in a teaching I heard this morning, there was the encouragement to use our pain/scars knowing that God has given them to us for someone else as well as ourselves. I'm trying to break the silence to whisper encouragement, because honestly, right now I don't have the strength to do much else...Are you broken? Do you feel like God is silent? Do you feel like you're in a hopeless situation? Here are three "tips" I've learned that have helped me get out of my funk and at least make it through another day of wandering in the desert I find myself in.

1. Be still - Knowing He's God and intentionally listening for Him to speak is scary but amazing and you will be blown away by what He whispers to your heart if you just listen.
2. Read your Bible - without daily having quiet times and being saturated in His Word with the addition of also listening to several podcasts throughout the day, I would be lost... seriously! Read your Bible, meditate upon His promises and more than that His character. Focus on Him.
3. Serve others - one of the best ways to make it through hard times is to serve others. Yes, you need to give yourself time to heal and be ministered to, but if you're so focused on "woe is me..." then you're going to keep slipping down that slope where you can't even see God work if you tried. Allow God to use you in your brokenness, and even that can help you to heal.

Like I said, I'm still pretty miserable, but God is good and His love endures forever and I still have countless things to rejoice about. I'm being honest to show you that if you're struggling there's still hope. Lift your eyes to Him... the maker of Heaven and Earth... He sees and knows your pain and to quote Irwin Lutzer "Even when you can't see God in the midst of the storm, He can see you."

1 comment:

Rebecca Thomas said...

oh, sweetie...there are no words, just prayers & love. I find it very brave of you to share that even though these months have passed & you're reaching out to God & listening to Him, for Him to speak loudly, you still feel He's distant, although you admit you know He's there. I find this better than "oh, all in God's time, His will be done." your honesty and agony are refreshingly true. Keep posting so people don't forget. I love you, Rebecca thomas


RSS Subscribe

    follow me on Twitter

    Blog Archive

    Copyright Text