Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Ouch!

Hebrews 4:12 says,

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow. it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."


Well...let's just say I experienced that sharp penetrating pain of His Word today as I met with someone for a Bible study. I've been having a battle with my flesh for the past 24 hours or so as I had to deal with a big bummer of a situation with a friend of mine. I felt hurt, disappointed, and very angry at the person and have been harboring that anger in a very real way. When I get upset, I know that my tendency is to say things that I regret later so in order to prevent the need for future damage control, I just don't talk to that person. For a time that might be wise, but in the end let's be honest, it's pure manipulation and not helping the problem at all. Well, this morning after I already sinned by allowing the sun to go down on my anger, I woke up with still such anger in my heart, then this morning all I could do was pray about the situation and it was really just centered around that person learning their lesson... of course I threw in a couple of things like "please help me to deal with this in a way that glorifies You" and "please help me to not sin in my anger" (I had already blown that one) but really my prayer was rather one sided. The day progressed and I couldn't bring myself to talk to that person despite the fact that the counsel I was getting started with my mom saying not to make them feel worse than they do already (she knows what the nasty way I can be when I'm upset), and then to Bev telling me to just basically let it go (which I really didn't want to hear) and it kind of started to hit me that I needed to die to myself. But being the stubborn girl that I am, I still didn't want to let go of my anger because well... it just really wasn't fair... I mean, why do I have to be the one to do it? I was the one who was wronged, and yada yada yada... Then came the Bible study I mentioned at the beginning.

We are going through the book of Ephesians and were in chapter 2 today and in verse 4 it says, "But because of His great LOVE for us, God, who is rich in MERCY," and as I began to explain the verse, the words came out "If you really love someone you'll show them mer....cy..." I honestly could almost feel the pain in my side as I said those words as God's sword struck me. I still am hurting from it. Mercy is not giving someone what they do deserve... it's forgiveness, it's letting go, it's dying to self even when you're the one who was hurt. Boy oh boy, am I reeling from this one. Jesus has shown me such amazing mercy, I deserve His wrath, yet He loves me and has saved me. That brings me back to the prayer I prayed this morning about glorifying God in how I deal with it all. To glorify God is in a way to show Him, to reflect His nature... and our God truly is rich in mercy and if I want to be obedient to Him and not fall into any more sin than I already have through all of this I need to show His mercy, which can not come from me but only with His help. In James 4:17 it says, "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins". So needless to say I'm still nursing the beating that I received today, but I don't think I'll forget this lesson any time soon.

1 comment:

paddy'o said...

Kelli'o o' kelli'o kelli' mi jita como que triste? You have had a rough few months and God knew that you might not handle situations in the most merciful way.
I found that out myself just recently as I have told you. We forget Jesus stripes of scorn for things he didn't deserve when our universe shrinks to just "ME". Your heart is still coated with that colorful candy shell of self. which we all have. God is melting that shell by the fire of trials (can you smell the sugar burning?). That delicious chocolate inside is spared by his mercy. Your heart is better by having been hurt- but Satan pounds on it and whispers angry, ego-centric- thoughts hoping to scorch your perfecting chocolate center. But Jesus tender mercy insulates you from it.

It's a good thing that I am a pretty good cook. because I had to eat a lot of crow to make peace...some of my own and some of it not. But it made peace. Make peace and let God do his job by dealing with their heart and colorful candy shell.

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